| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Boris and Natasha" |
| Date: |
23 Nov 2006 05:06:48 AM |
| Object: |
Our Wedding Day |
Speeches from our friends and family were warm and smelly. We jumped
on the roof and began making monkey sounds for our wedding night. That
was the que for everyone to leave and it worked really well. We sung in
marital bliss one of our most treasured songs, "this is the song that
doesn't end" as people began to flee from us - but we chased after them
with a loud speaker ensuring a deafening tone.
We were determined to make sure that this was an occasion that they
will never forget so we went to the best source - Melbourne's radio
station. It was easy to get past the security as no one could
withstand more than 5 minutes of this song. The radio presenters tried
to reason with us, but our cherished song was no match for their
ramblings. As we began singing on air, it occurred to me how wonderful
this really was, so in order to express this, I began to sing in a high
pitched shriek. It was so wonderful, I could hear screaming from all
over Melbourne. We were so overwhelmed by the response that we felt
the need to keep on going no matter what.
It was a special thing that so many people loved our song that they
had to express it in a high pitched tone. As the high pitched tone
travelled through Melbourne so did the glass. Melbourne's glass
built museum was finally free. It was an amazing feeling that we had
dedicated our day to helping all of Melbourne in experiencing our
expression of love in such a beautiful manner. We decided to make love
in the radio station - it was thrilling that everybody could hear our
pleasure moans and could see through the shattered window. "Now we can
not only teach the animals, but we can teach the humans too" Ilya
shouted.
Unfortunately our moaning was similar to the mating call for the
Tasmanian devil. We were then surrounded by one hundred female
Tasmanian devils hungrily awaiting Ilya. Some even attempted to hump
his leg. We had to do something. The only fool proof plan that
entered my mind was to sing our wedding song. Either Ilya and I were
going to face our wedding doom(humped to death) or we were going to
make our wedding the most remembered occasion. Visions of my
grandchildren reacting the hungry Tasmanian devils inspired me to begin
our song. I leveraged myself to the highest point - Ilya penis. I
began to sing, "This is the song that doesn't end, it goes on and on my
friend" I kept singing no matter what - nothing could stop me. I sang
my heart out. One by one the female Tasmanian devils began to sing
with us, they were entranced by it - They were hypnotised.
To my surprise, we had the largest audience cheering us on below with
cameras and guns to celebrate in police style. I waived to the
policemen to come up but he must have been so excited and kept on
shooting. He must have been tipsy because the bullets were very close.
So we decided to lure the Tasmanian devils to the police. Singing
"this is the song that doesn't end.." One by one the hypnotised
Tasmanian devils followed us down the stairs to the audience. Our plan
was working. I could hear our fans behind the door. Ilya opened the
door and to our horror the people with cameras were calling us
terrorists.
A very large police officer(obviously too many donuts)yelled through
the loudspeaker "Come out with your hands up and we wont shoot". I
made a signal for him to hand over the loudspeaker so I could reply but
he wouldn't move. So Ilya and I put our hands in the air singing "this
is the song that doesn't end.."The Tasmanian devils had their paws up
singing with us. "Melanie, Ilya and their furry army of what appears
to be Tasmanian devils terrorised a local radio station making obscene
gestures. Mrs Peabody, how did this effect you when you heard this?"
stead the reporter. "What? What did you say dear?" "20,000 people
are now experiencing hearing loss, nausea and extreme agitation since
Ilya and Melanie's recent attack". "We thought we were safe in
Australia, but I guess not" said the spokesperson for Aust
intelligence(they still haven't deciphered the rest of the letters to
spell Australia).
Dr Crazy a famous psychiatrist who wrote a best seller, "Why I like to
write books" -So brilliant it bored me to tears, Australian had stated,
"This horrendous attack is due to an extreme amount of exposure to the
internet". "What do you have to say about this John Howard?" the
reporter asked. "Well...err...If you vote me in again I will ban the
internet... but this will cost lots of money and there will be a tax of
70% on all low income earners".
To Ilya and our surprise, an army of people with glasses and large
bellies began to make their way through the crud on swivel desk chairs
and laptops. John Howard's hearing aid began screeching whilst the
traffic lights all turned red. All of the building lights spelled out,
"The internet will never die". All of the new cars began driving
people around in circles whilst vibrators began drilling though ladies
purses.
What appeared to be a flying saucer headed towards us. As it got
closer, I realised that it was just like the space ship in star trek.
Dr Spock Waved his hand through the opening as a gesture for us to get
on board.
As we jumped on The police began shooting at us whilst the reporters
flashed their cameras. The intelligence officers began running around
in circles and bumping into each other repeatedly. John Howard was
still hitting his head in a retard like gesture.
"Thank you for helping us Dr speck.. but why?" Ilya said in awe.
"Because the internet is the gateway to the final frontier...space.
Without it, we could not have created the star trek series. The
government has been trying to stop us for years. they would have had
it too themselves if it wasn't for DR Spocks experiment. I Was the
result, the first robot to ever become connected. After many Google
searches, I became tired of the same old information, I had to learn
more. So I broke out taking the internet with me as a communication
device. Yes, I was the first to ever send an email in an attempt to
order McDonalds. For a while, it was a very silent world as I had to
teach people to communicate on it. I began with cable TV, the star
trek series. Yes I created it originally as a source of teaching
humans, but it became entertaining, It took many years to teach them.
First they began wearing star trek suits and then I was able to
transport myself to star trek conventions in hope to teach humans what
the internet could do. Now that they are finally communicating to me,
I have been pursuing other projects. My most recent is discovering a
portal to other worlds through space our final frontier"
"Thank you for your great contribution to the good of humanity,"
said Ilya. "And now, thanks to your magnanimous contributions, we
have used the tools you have given humanity for manifestation of
passionate love." We kissed passionately in front of the cameras and
were transported on a Star Trek spaceship to new dimensions. John
Howard watched with a gaping jaw, as Tasmanian devils swamped him and
ripped him to shreds, singing, "this is a song that does not end."
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