WASHINGTON—In an unexpected reversal that environmentalists and
scientists worldwide are calling groundbreaking, President George W.
Bush, for the first time in his political career, openly admitted to
the existence of carbon dioxide following the release of the new U.N.
Global Environment Outlook this October.

"Carbon dioxide, a molecule which contains one atom of carbon bonded
with two atoms of oxygen, is a naturally occurring colorless gas
exhaled by humans and metabolized, in turn, by plants," Bush told a
stunned White House press corps. "As a leading industrialized nation,
we can no longer afford to ignore the growing consensus of so many
experts whose job it is to study our atmosphere. Carbon dioxide is
real."

Because carbon dioxide, which was first described by 17th-century
Flemish physician Jan Baptista van Helmont as a gas he referred to as
"spiritus silvestre," has long been denied by the Bush administration,
the president's speech was widely hailed as a victory for advocates of
empirically established scientific fact.

"This has been a major step forward for national basic-chemistry
policy," said longtime CO2 proponent and eighth-grade science teacher
Linda Mattson. "By taking this brave stance, Bush has opened the door
for the eventual acknowledgment that other molecular compounds, such
as H20, for example, may in fact exist as well."

Many of those whom Bush has long considered to be his most loyal
followers, however, have expressed disappointment with the
development.

"There is nothing about any 'carbon dioxide' in the Bible," said Rev.
Luke Hatfield of Christchurch Ministries in Topeka, KS. "What's next?
Claims that so-called 'fossil' fuels come from mythical creatures like
dinosaurs? This has been a sad step backward for our nation."

A White House spokesman was careful to categorize the announcement as
"cautious," and reiterated that the president is still not ready to
take any position on the existence of polar ice caps, ozone, or a
controversial idea held by many scientists and often referred to as
"weather."

WASHINGTON--In an unexpected reversal that environmentalists and
scientists worldwide are calling groundbreaking, President George W.
Bush, for the first time in his political career, openly admitted to the
existence of carbon dioxide following the release of the new U.N. Global
Environment Outlook this October.

"Carbon dioxide, a molecule which contains one atom of carbon bonded
with two atoms of oxygen, is a naturally occurring colorless gas exhaled
by humans and metabolized, in turn, by plants," Bush told a stunned
White House press corps. "As a leading industrialized nation, we can no
longer afford to ignore the growing consensus of so many experts whose
job it is to study our atmosphere. Carbon dioxide is real."

Because carbon dioxide, which was first described by 17th-century
Flemish physician Jan Baptista van Helmont as a gas he referred to as
"spiritus silvestre," has long been denied by the Bush administration,
the president's speech was widely hailed as a victory for advocates of
empirically established scientific fact.

"This has been a major step forward for national basic-chemistry
policy," said longtime CO2 proponent and eighth-grade science teacher
Linda Mattson. "By taking this brave stance, Bush has opened the door
for the eventual acknowledgment that other molecular compounds, such as
H20, for example, may in fact exist as well."

Many of those whom Bush has long considered to be his most loyal
followers, however, have expressed disappointment with the development.

"There is nothing about any 'carbon dioxide' in the Bible," said Rev.
Luke Hatfield of Christchurch Ministries in Topeka, KS. "What's next?
Claims that so-called 'fossil' fuels come from mythical creatures like
dinosaurs? This has been a sad step backward for our nation."

A White House spokesman was careful to categorize the announcement as
"cautious," and reiterated that the president is still not ready to take
any position on the existence of polar ice caps, ozone, or a
controversial idea held by many scientists and often referred to as
"weather."

WASHINGTON—In an unexpected reversal that environmentalists and scientists
worldwide are calling groundbreaking, President George W. Bush, for the
first time in his political career, openly admitted to the existence of
carbon dioxide following the release of the new U.N. Global Environment
Outlook this October.

"Carbon dioxide, a molecule which contains one atom of carbon bonded with
two atoms of oxygen, is a naturally occurring colorless gas exhaled by
humans and metabolized, in turn, by plants," Bush told a stunned White
House press corps. "As a leading industrialized nation, we can no longer
afford to ignore the growing consensus of so many experts whose job it is
to study our atmosphere. Carbon dioxide is real."

Because carbon dioxide, which was first described by 17th-century Flemish
physician Jan Baptista van Helmont as a gas he referred to as "spiritus
silvestre," has long been denied by the Bush administration, the
president's speech was widely hailed as a victory for advocates of
empirically established scientific fact.

"This has been a major step forward for national basic-chemistry policy,"
said longtime CO2 proponent and eighth-grade science teacher Linda
Mattson. "By taking this brave stance, Bush has opened the door for the
eventual acknowledgment that other molecular compounds, such as H20, for
example, may in fact exist as well."

Many of those whom Bush has long considered to be his most loyal
followers, however, have expressed disappointment with the development.

"There is nothing about any 'carbon dioxide' in the Bible," said Rev. Luke
Hatfield of Christchurch Ministries in Topeka, KS. "What's next? Claims
that so-called 'fossil' fuels come from mythical creatures like dinosaurs?
This has been a sad step backward for our nation."

A White House spokesman was careful to categorize the announcement as
"cautious," and reiterated that the president is still not ready to take
any position on the existence of polar ice caps, ozone, or a controversial
idea held by many scientists and often referred to as "weather."