| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Trishamolson" |
| Date: |
16 Jan 2004 11:30:51 AM |
| Object: |
Rambling to Focus |
I am getting nothing accomplished. Need to focus here. The demons are here,
and trying to fight them off. I knew sending in the submission would call them
out. It is funny (and I have gone around this with ASDers over the years
here), but it simply is not the beatings that upset me. Being hit -- for me --
has happened so much in my life (since I was three) that I don't fall apart
from it. Indeed, I am a bit violent myself. Violent in spirit I mean, I don't
beat anyone.
It is the spiritual violence, the tormenting. I feel cannibalized. When he
was a student he came to my office once, and we were not getting along. He
took each of his legs and put them up on my desk, one on the left, one on the
right, so that I was trapped in the middle. I didn't comment on it, he didn't
comment on it, we just kept arguing. But soon you good cut the tension in the
air with a knief. Without saying a word, he was calmly and with deliberate
calculation overpowering my very being -- my inner integrity, while I was,
again silently, becoming more frantic -- like a trapped animal -- to get
untrapped from the space his legs enclosed me in. Mind games. A million mind
games.
And the strangest oddest most sad thing is that I did not just say, "move your
fuc*ing leg." Instead I always want to engage in the dance, no matter how
sinister or dark it is, for the sake of dancing.
And he was the first being to ever read Scripture to me. This will mean
nothing to a reader of this post, of course, it just signifies the amount of
trust given, and hence the amount betrayed. Tara said it once in another
context, one feels like a betrayed child in these dark dances (well, that was
the sense of what she said).
Got to stop feeling "it," and write this infernal paper. Perhaps Maria and I
can go to a student college tonight and have a drink (very neat part of English
universities).
Rosena
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
|
| Title: Re: Rambling to Focus |
16 Jan 2004 11:49:42 AM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040116123051.21921.00000040@mb-m22.aol.com...
I am getting nothing accomplished. Need to focus here. The demons are
here,
and trying to fight them off. I knew sending in the submission would call
them
out. It is funny (and I have gone around this with ASDers over the years
here), but it simply is not the beatings that upset me. Being hit -- for
me --
has happened so much in my life (since I was three) that I don't fall
apart
from it. Indeed, I am a bit violent myself. Violent in spirit I mean, I
don't
beat anyone.
It is the spiritual violence, the tormenting. I feel cannibalized. When
he
was a student he came to my office once, and we were not getting along.
He
took each of his legs and put them up on my desk, one on the left, one on
the
right, so that I was trapped in the middle. I didn't comment on it, he
didn't
comment on it, we just kept arguing. But soon you good cut the tension in
the
air with a knief. Without saying a word, he was calmly and with deliberate
calculation overpowering my very being -- my inner integrity, while I was,
again silently, becoming more frantic -- like a trapped animal -- to get
untrapped from the space his legs enclosed me in. Mind games. A million
mind
games.
And the strangest oddest most sad thing is that I did not just say, "move
your
fuc*ing leg." Instead I always want to engage in the dance, no matter how
sinister or dark it is, for the sake of dancing.
And he was the first being to ever read Scripture to me. This will mean
nothing to a reader of this post, of course, it just signifies the amount
of
trust given, and hence the amount betrayed. Tara said it once in another
context, one feels like a betrayed child in these dark dances (well, that
was
the sense of what she said).
Got to stop feeling "it," and write this infernal paper. Perhaps Maria and
I
can go to a student college tonight and have a drink (very neat part of
English
universities).
Rosena
next time try kicking him in the center
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
|
| Title: Re: Rambling to Focus |
17 Jan 2004 12:38:29 AM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040116123051.21921.00000040@mb-m22.aol.com...
And the strangest oddest most sad thing is that I did not just say,
"move your
fuc*ing leg." Instead I always want to engage in the dance, no
matter how
sinister or dark it is, for the sake of dancing.
I think this is the case for many people. It isn't so much a desire to
"engage in the dance" of harm (for most), as it is the application of
normal behaviors in an abnormal situation. Someone says something to
you, you respond. Someone does something a little annoying, you put up
with it, because you want to be polite. These are very reasonable
behaviors, and necessary for people to get along.
But--Someone who doesn't want to play by the rules can use them to
trap you. If he knows that *you* will play by the rules, he can use
your behaviors to take advantage of you, exploit you, intimidate you,
or humiliate you. In these situations, a lifetime's habits of good
behavior trip you up and make you vulnerable.
You don't have to have a particular weakness to get tripped up this
way (although it helps). You just have to keep expecting the other
person to behave reasonably even though he never does. Put like that,
it sounds laughable, but in real life, this happens all the time. It
happens partly because people are creatures of habit, partly because
they don't like to be rude, partly because they're embarrassed about
making a scene, and partly because they simply don't know what to do
when they land in such an alien situation.
The right thing to do, of course, is not to play along. Say something
like, "Take your leg off my desk, or I'll stomp your kneecap." If he
sneers, then stab his leg with your pen as hard as you can.
Easier said than done, I know, but the only alternative to playing
along and paying the price is to do something else.
By the way, the single best defense against someone who tries to
entrap you this way is to refuse to engage him. Never respond to any
provocation in a way that gives him something to work with. It will
drive him crazy, and he'll leave for greener pastures after a while.
Good luck!
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
And he was the first being to ever read Scripture to me. This will
mean
nothing to a reader of this post, of course, it just signifies the
amount of
trust given, and hence the amount betrayed. Tara said it once in
another
context, one feels like a betrayed child in these dark dances (well,
that was
the sense of what she said).
Got to stop feeling "it," and write this infernal paper. Perhaps
Maria and I
can go to a student college tonight and have a drink (very neat part
of English
universities).
Rosena
.
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
|
| Title: Re: Rambling to Focus |
18 Jan 2004 08:31:40 AM |
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Someone does something a little annoying, you put up
with it, because you want to be polite.
gentle snip
Yes! Your whole reply was, I think, on the mark. This often happened with him
in the past -- often. He would do something slightly sinister and I would be
taken aback but attempt to respond reasonably instead of saying "what the
fu*k?!"
Best
Rosena
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: Rambling to Focus |
20 Jan 2004 07:30:06 AM |
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In message <20040118093140.22985.00000256@mb-m04.aol.com>, Trishamolson
<trishamolson@aol.com> writes
Someone does something a little annoying, you put up
with it, because you want to be polite.
gentle snip
Yes! Your whole reply was, I think, on the mark. This often happened with him
in the past -- often. He would do something slightly sinister and I would be
taken aback but attempt to respond reasonably instead of saying "what the
fu*k?!"
Sometimes "What the *****?" *is* the reasonable response. And "Back off,
you *****!"
Have you considered assertiveness training, especially for dealing with
him?
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: Rambling to Focus |
20 Jan 2004 11:40:46 AM |
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Have you considered assertiveness training, especially for dealing with
him?
Well, I get training here in a way. I am very assertive, I think, as a teacher,
or a mother, or a friend. But I also really try to listen to others and not
"crowd" their personas out. That is bad in this situation for he is a strong
personality.
So too . . . there is just something about he and I that is . . .don't know
word . . .
he is brillant, and I am easily overcome by the brillant for I admire it so.
Show me someone with gifts and talent -- genuine gifts, and I fall to the floor
in admiration . .
anyway just rambling
Rosena
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