In <4f2mu0$b1q@news.ccit.arizona.edu> bri writes:

SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL IMPASSE (LONGISH)

From:

was

little reality to this when we were at home. I don't remember much

about

my childhood that was spiritually fulfilling.

When I reached adolescence I became rather rebellious. I became

fairly

involved in metal/hardcore punk music. I liked the anger that it
expressed. I also dabbled in drugs a bit. I was a fairly depressed

kid.

Later in my teen years I experienced a dramatic conversion. I

experienced

Jesus embracing me in a very loving, nonjudgmental way. I was filled

with

love and joy in a way that I cannot express. I was on a mountain

top.

What I experienced was very different than the Christianity that I

was

brought up in.

I initially couldn't find anyone who could identify with what I had
experienced. I was suspect of the religious affiliation that I was
brought up in because I had never experienced this kind of thing when

I

was growing up.

The only ones who I could even barely identify with were the
fundamentalist and charismatic Christians because they seemed to

"feel"

their faith. It was so real to them as it was also for me.

The only problem with this was that I was gradually indoctrinated

into the

narrow fundamentalist was of thinking. I became more judgmental and

more

suspect of anyone who wasn't a fundamentalist, even to the point of
paranoia.

I became involved with an organization called Youth With A Mission

and

went on a mission trip to do street evangelism. I later became

involved

in Campus Crusade for Christ.

The problem is that the more I was involved with conservative

Christianity

the more empty I began to feel.

I began to explore other religious and philosophical ways of thought

and

expression.

I have dabbled in the following...

I have read some Course in Miracles stuff. Read much Jampolski and
Prather...
It seemed lacking but helpful to a certain extent.

Read some Buddhism/Zen stuff. Merton, Watts, Goldstein...

Studied Jungian and depth psychology thought the writings of Morton
Kelsey, John Sanford, and Jung himself...

Spent some time reading Brennan Manning and listening to his

sermons...

I also have studied Matthew Fox's writings.

I have been exposed to "4th way" practice through the writings of

Charles

Tart.

I left the Charismatic congregation that I was involved with a joined

the

Episcopal Church.

Emotionally I have struggled tremendously. Even to the point of

being

placed on antidepressants.

and on and on and on....

All of these things have meant something to me and have given me a

glimmer

of that joy that I once experienced.

I know that I am no longer at home in the fundamentalist mind set. I

am

trying to find a home elsewhere. I would like to correspond with and
dialogue with others who can identify with my dilemma.

Please forgive my longwindedness. I appreciate *any* positive input

that

*anyone* has. I am open to anything constructive.

I feel that I am at an impasse. I need something to reignite my

spiritual

hunger...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A raft of tied-together snakes
in the world-ocean.
Let go, and you'll drown.
Grasp, and they'll bite your arm. _The Bijak of Kabir_

Oh my god, YES, I know exactly what you're talking about. I was raised

in

a strict Christian upbringing, and though I rebelled with punk and
hardcore music, I still do like that stuff, because it's very healthy
to release a lot of that pent-up anger. But, that's not the point.
The point is, I'm also quite familiar with Christian mysticism.
I don't know how old/young you are, but for whatever reason, there

aren't

too many young people interested in Matthew Fox (creation

spirituality),

A Course in Miracles, Jampolsky ("Love is Letting Go of Fear" is a
wonderful book) - yet, going to support groups where you're the

youngest

one there can contribute immensely to spiritual stagnation. We live
in a (American) society where people are EITHER atheist OR
mainline Christian, and rarely, if ever, are the in-between's ever
recognized. I've tried explaining, for example, A Course in Miracles
to an obviously secular/psychological counselor - there's a major
communication gap. Well, I don't feel welcome at the church I was
raised in, so that's part of the reason why I've turned to a lot of
spiritual literature - although I've still got a long way to go.
Good luck... :)

Sylvia:

I too experienced the same confusion as you. I am of another
generation, but can relate to your problem. I was raised in the
Methodist Church. Switched to Presbyterian because the town I live in
you are either Presby or Fundamentalist. Before I was diagnosed with
clinical depression I started losing my faith. Don't know if it was the
depression or the fact that I got absolutly nothing out of church.
Am still seeking some type of faith. I guess you could call me a
Christion Agnostic. I have looked within myself and find that I am
doing OK without the help of organized religion. My morals and
life-style are still based on Christianity, but without all the garbage
that goes along with it. Keep searching and you will find that inner
peace, be it organized religion, or just a deep sense of belonging to
humanity. Good Luck.