Hi, Martin:
Please read my post 'From miserable hell to joyful life - My story'.
It is a real story how I cured my anxiety disorder with Chinese Chi
Gong. I am 100% sure it will help you to have your life back. You are
welcome to call me at 805-893-7303 or 805-968-8481 for more info.

Ronald Shu

Martin Huang wrote:

Hi everyone ...

I have some questions as my life is becoming very difficult to manage
these days and maybe someone has some advice?

Basically, I completed a medical residency about 7 years ago but had a
nervous breakdown at the end as I was filled with anxiety about what I
would do next and maybe I didn't really want to be a doctor after all.
Eventually I was hospitalized twice that summer and was put on Effexor
(regular kind) 100 tid along with klonopin .5 bid and risperdal .5
qhs. I stopped the klonopin on my own afterwards and stopped the
risperdal too ... and decreased the effexor to 100 bid. Miraculously
the anxiety and depression slowly lifted and I got a job as a
physician where I did well for a couple of years, then was let go; I
was still on the effexor though and it didn't really faze me much, I
just got another job and went right on with my life. Got married,
bought a house ... got another job as a primary care doc and
everything was great, in control.

I decided a couple of times to try to come off the effexor but each
time had recurrence of depression so I went back on it. For all of
2003 I was on just 50mg of the regular kind, once a day. Finally came
off of that completely in November 2003.

In January 2004 I began to suffer from depression and anxiety again. I
tried to stay off the effexor to see if I could get over it on my own.
By February it had gotten to the point where I had no interest
whatsoever in anything and started on Lexapro, which gave me bad side
effects and so I changed to Effexor XR (which I'd never taken), which
seemed to make my anxiety worse this time. Didn't really get above
37.5 mg, which I was on for a month. Had to come off it because of
anxiety and continuing depression and the withdrawal was bad of
course. Tried to get along without any meds but eventually had to take
a leave of absence from my practice which I am still on (and actually
on disability now).

Well to make the rest of the story shorter, I've been seeing a
psychiatrist who has been trying multiple things to help with the
anxiety and depression. I'm back on effexor xr, now up to 187.5 a day,
with lots of anxiety. So I'm also now taking klonopin, which I'm
reluctant to take, so it's at .25 to .5 twice a day. But the anxiety
remains. I've also been given rx's for seroquel, zyprexa, neurontin,
strattera, buspar, and other stuff which caused bad side effects and I
had to stop them.

OK the problem is this. I don't know whether the anxiety will ever go
away. Part of the anxiety is wondering when/how I'm going to be able
to go back to work, but I feel I can't really quit now because I need
the health insurance, disability insurance, etc ...

But I just don't know if the panic/anxiety will ever go away while I
have this job hanging over my head. And I don't know if the effexor is
making it all worse right now though I felt like it really helped me
in the past (the regular tabs) ... when I tried the regular tabs again
this time, they just made me so damn drowsy ...

Maybe the bottom line is that I never really wanted to do this job in
the first place ... I just don't know.

Right now I have no interest in any of the things I used to love to do
... I'm just in a constant state of panic and anxiety. I have no
patience for anything and all day long I'm trying to figure out what
to do with the job. My sleeping is affected (I'm taking trazodone 50
mg a night and get 3-4 hours sleep) ... I hate being at home alone all
day but also hate going places ... I can't stand dark places and yet
feel much better at night ... I can't wait to go to sleep at night but
dread waking up ...

I guess my question is ... well, I don't really know what my question
is. I guess I just wanted to rant. I just don't know what to do and
the psychiatrist is at a loss too. My family and friends think I
should quit the job and move on with my life but I just don't see how
I can do that.

The other huge problem is that every time I see anyone or anything
that suggests that someone else is happy or contented or having
success, I have a flare up of anxiety and envy since my life is so
uncontented right now ... so I can't read books, magazines, watch
movies, watch TV, nothing.

OK that's all I have to say I guess ... just wanted to get it off my
chest. I guess if ANYONE has any suggestions I'd be grateful but I
know there's not gonig to be any easy answers.

Martin