x-no-archive: yes
On 31 Mar 2004 13:52:52 -0800, (alvintchase)
wrote:
I am always going over in my head things that people said that have
hurt my feelings...On one level I know that I'm a
wonderful,special,beautiful,warm,caring,kind,loving person...but on
another level,I think criticism hurts alot because it touches on very
deep insecurities.
Some people,whether intentionally or unintentionally,seem to know the
words that really push my buttons,very deep emotional insecurities...I
guess,as Gayle told me once here,the thing to always remember is that
while there may be some truth to certain criticism,It is certainly not
the only truth...
I think you've got it right there - 'not the only truth'.
People can take kernels of what they know about you, and attempt to
criticize you with those, and some of those may sound true only
because it sounds exactly like that inner-critic tape that plays in
our heads, most often when we're crashing. So when we hear those
criticisms out loud, we take it for 'truth', but they're really just
an affirmation of the tape, not the real truth.
Maybe a good question to ask the next person that criticizes is: "What
is your motivation for saying that?". Ask them what they think they
are getting out of pointing out faults. Might just stop them dead in
their tracks and shut them up. ;)
we are all complex,multi facited human beings...I
think part of what hurts,besides criticism orinsults and accusations
is people turning you into a one dimensional cartoon character.There's
nothing more frustrating then that.Not only does it feel good when
people notice and appreciate your positive qualities(which you see in
yourself and people who care about you see in you),but it feels nice
to be thought of at least as a complex 3 dimensional person.At least
everyone could give you THAT much credit...Noone is a cartoon,a one
dimensional stick figure...
i think out there in RL we aren't, but in here we could be perceived
that way, just the nature of the medium.
.
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