Subject: Re: Why criticism hurts...
From: Bev Thornton

I am always going over in my head things that people said that have
hurt my feelings...

There's specific therapy for that. I can't remember what it is called but I
know it is out there. It's under category of interpersonal therapy.

On one level I know that I'm a
wonderful,special,beautiful,warm,caring,kind,loving person...but on
another level,I think criticism hurts alot because it touches on very
deep insecurities.

Yeah. Those deep insecurities though, they're fixable. In a way, your mind
will just start fixing them as soon as you are able to truthfully identify
them, the insecurities.

Some people,whether intentionally or unintentionally,seem to know the
words that really push my buttons,very deep emotional insecurities...I

Some don't actually know, they just do it because it is the only way they
can relate to other people. The behaviour of 'pushing people's buttons' is
just bad habits all around. There's only a few who even can know and then
only a few of them who will do it intentionally.

One really big problem with being depressed, all the buttons are hanging out
and hair-triggered.

guess,as Gayle told me once here,the thing to always remember is that
while there may be some truth to certain criticism,It is certainly not
the only truth...we are all complex,multi facited human beings...I
think part of what hurts,besides criticism orinsults and accusations
is people turning you into a one dimensional cartoon character.There's
nothing more frustrating then that.Not only does it feel good when
people notice and appreciate your positive qualities(which you see in
yourself and people who care about you see in you),but it feels nice
to be thought of at least as a complex 3 dimensional person.At least
everyone could give you THAT much credit...Noone is a cartoon,a one
dimensional stick figure...

Being caricatured is a drag and a lot of people do that one intentionally,
but there's still a lot who can't help it, it's the only way they can
imagine other people. Like they're disabled. There's also people in other
states where they can only imagine that other people are like them, think
like them, are motivated like them, that sort of thing. That's socially
disabling too and is real hard on the other people, the people who aren't
as they are imagined. Those people who are disabled in those ways, they
can't just give the rest of us the credit to appear to them as a complex
holistic being. We have to help them grow their understanding first.

Like you did with this thread. Like you do with most of your threads. You
have a green thumb in the growing understanding department. Did you ever
consider a career in education or psychology?

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