| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Rosena" |
| Date: |
12 Oct 2005 08:07:42 PM |
| Object: |
Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
Thanks Cindy for that long heartefelt reply - You are a great mom (I
can tell) and I know how hard those years must of been.
I went into Maria's room today and found her diary . . . she has been
cutting since we were in Albany. HOW THE HELL did I not see it??? Am
I blind????
The diary is full of pain, and suicide thoughts. She is thinking of
looking on internet for methods. Today at school she talked about
suicide to kids and now is kicked out of extended day until school
hears from therapist. Probably I can get therapist to call but Christ .
.. . I am beside myself. All she wrote about was pain, wanting to die,
being alone AND worry I could not take care of her and also fear of her
father.
He hasn't had insane outbursts for several months and I think he has
idea but it really affected her. I have to PROVE to her I can take care
of her. Problem is I am so incapacitated with legs but mostly I get so
so tierd - just numb exhaustion and work load at school is numbing.
My heart feel like a lead weight. I can't say what it did to read that
- she wrote she was addicted to cutting. I didn't tell her I read it.
Tomorrow she is with me and Friday so maybe that will be good (school
holiday). Damn Damn Damn.
On bright side she wants pizza and we got a book so she wants to read -
that is wanting to live.
Rosena
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
13 Oct 2005 04:57:02 PM |
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"Rosena" <filpriros@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1129165662.293419.8350@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Thanks Cindy for that long heartefelt reply - You are a great mom (I
can tell) and I know how hard those years must of been.
i know that you *do* know...
I went into Maria's room today and found her diary . . . she has been
cutting since we were in Albany. HOW THE HELL did I not see it??? Am
I blind????
you can't beat yourself up for what you didn't know in the past. just be
pro-active now that you DO know about it. it's not too late...that's what
you must remind yourself of.
The diary is full of pain, and suicide thoughts. She is thinking of
looking on internet for methods. Today at school she talked about
suicide to kids and now is kicked out of extended day until school
hears from therapist. Probably I can get therapist to call but Christ .
. . I am beside myself. All she wrote about was pain, wanting to die,
being alone AND worry I could not take care of her and also fear of her
father.
i'm so sorry, rosena. :(( my baby was the same...she had many suicidal
thoughts and everything was dark for her. i read some scary stuff in the
letters i found on her dresser that day. that's when i decided it was gonna
stop. and i think she was relieved that i found the letters. she never
once said to me, "you betrayed my trust!" i think perhaps maria is crying
out as well and you are now taking steps to keep her safe. that is what she
wants, girl...to know she's safe.
He hasn't had insane outbursts for several months and I think he has
idea but it really affected her. I have to PROVE to her I can take care
of her. Problem is I am so incapacitated with legs but mostly I get so
so tierd - just numb exhaustion and work load at school is numbing.
this is where it's tough, but you have to make her your #1 priority no
matter how tired or bad you feel. you've got to put your everything into
this right now. as if her life depended on it....because it does. you will
be able to rest later. right now, you've got to force yourself to do this.
My heart feel like a lead weight. I can't say what it did to read that
oh girl, i KNOW! i totally know what you mean. i cried my guts out for
several weeks after i found the letters jessica wrote. maybe even months.
:(
- she wrote she was addicted to cutting. I didn't tell her I read it.
if she's been doing it since albany, she truly is addicted to it now.
another reason to get her some help. which you are doing. take it one step
at a time, girl. that's all you can do.
Tomorrow she is with me and Friday so maybe that will be good (school
holiday). Damn Damn Damn.
yes, but you can't party together those days. give her some love and
reassurance, but there still need to be consequences for her bad behavior at
school and her poor grades. you must find the right balance between doing
what is truly best for her, and wanting to smother her with things designed
to temporarily make her "feel" better. a little of that is fine, but this
problem needs long term solutions, and you don't want to reward her
behavior. i wish i was better at saying what i mean. i'm not saying you
should lock her in a closet for 2 years. not at all! i'm just saying that
she needs some firm rules set right now as well as love. and she needs help
dealing with her feelings. don't become too soft because you feel sorry for
her. that would be a huge mistake. i know it's hard, girl...i KNOW it is!
On bright side she wants pizza and we got a book so she wants to read -
that is wanting to live.
yes...count those little blessings poor joy, girl.
hang in there!!!!
~U2b
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
13 Oct 2005 11:20:21 PM |
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"Used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote
yes...count those little blessings poor joy, girl.
:/
i meant to say "pure" joy...
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| User: "gravity" |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
13 Oct 2005 11:38:08 PM |
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i meant to say "pure" joy...
prescriptive grammarians aren't allowed here. neither are intellectuals.
make as many mistakes as you wish.
michael
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
14 Oct 2005 08:51:17 AM |
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"gravity" <gravity1@m-net.arbornet.org> wrote in message
news:434f3631$0$20784$892e7fe2@authen.white.readfreenews.net...
i meant to say "pure" joy...
prescriptive grammarians aren't allowed here. neither are intellectuals.
make as many mistakes as you wish.
why thank you kindly, mr gravity.
:))
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
12 Oct 2005 09:33:05 PM |
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Rosena wrote...
Thanks Cindy for that long heartefelt reply - You are a
great mom (I can tell) and I know how hard those years must
of been.
I went into Maria's room today and found her diary . . .
she has been cutting since we were in Albany. HOW THE HELL
did I not see it??? Am I blind????
The diary is full of pain, and suicide thoughts. She is
thinking of looking on internet for methods. Today at
school she talked about suicide to kids and now is kicked
out of extended day until school hears from therapist.
Probably I can get therapist to call but Christ . . . I am
beside myself. All she wrote about was pain, wanting to
die, being alone AND worry I could not take care of her and
also fear of her father.
He hasn't had insane outbursts for several months and I
think he has idea but it really affected her. I have to
PROVE to her I can take care of her. Problem is I am so
incapacitated with legs but mostly I get so so tierd - just
numb exhaustion and work load at school is numbing.
My heart feel like a lead weight. I can't say what it did
to read that - she wrote she was addicted to cutting. I
didn't tell her I read it. Tomorrow she is with me and
Friday so maybe that will be good (school holiday). Damn
Damn Damn.
On bright side she wants pizza and we got a book so she
wants to read - that is wanting to live.
Rosena
anyone who's been cutting that long is addicted to cutting. it
releases endorphins just like many drugs do. she keeps doing
it for the high she gets that makes the pain go away for a
very short time. at least, that's true of most cutters. i'm
glad that she could see the addiction herself. it's an
important step.
i don't know how you could prove to her that you can take care
of her, but you can show her your strength. therapy might help
with that. she might see it better coming from a third party.
it might also help you to see it, yourself. you might be
utterly exhausted, but you keep doing what needs to be done.
that shows strength. i know that when she really needs you,
you'll be there for her. she needs to see it. and i guess she
also needs the self-esteem to decide that her problems are
important enough to bother you with.
sorry i'm rambling. too little sleep, too much coffee.
enjoy your tomorrow.
-lisa
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| User: "Tim Kett" |
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| Title: Re: Scared Out of my Mind - Thanks Cindy |
12 Oct 2005 08:22:48 PM |
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Rosena wrote:
Thanks Cindy for that long heartefelt reply - You are a great mom (I
can tell) and I know how hard those years must of been.
I went into Maria's room today and found her diary . . . she has been
cutting since we were in Albany. HOW THE HELL did I not see it??? Am
I blind????
The diary is full of pain, and suicide thoughts. She is thinking of
looking on internet for methods. Today at school she talked about
suicide to kids and now is kicked out of extended day until school
hears from therapist. Probably I can get therapist to call but Christ .
. . I am beside myself. All she wrote about was pain, wanting to die,
being alone AND worry I could not take care of her and also fear of her
father.
He hasn't had insane outbursts for several months and I think he has
idea but it really affected her. I have to PROVE to her I can take care
of her. Problem is I am so incapacitated with legs but mostly I get so
so tierd - just numb exhaustion and work load at school is numbing.
My heart feel like a lead weight. I can't say what it did to read that
- she wrote she was addicted to cutting. I didn't tell her I read it.
Tomorrow she is with me and Friday so maybe that will be good (school
holiday). Damn Damn Damn.
On bright side she wants pizza and we got a book so she wants to read -
that is wanting to live.
Rosena
Is she FORCED to see her father without you present? It just strikes me
as a real bad idea, if it is that way. Sorry to butt in, but I KNOW how
crazy it made me having to see my mom was, even with trusted adults
present. When I got older, I REFUSED to see her, and my grandparents
quit pushing the issue. A leopard never really ever changes his/her
spots.
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