| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Dune Shepherd" |
| Date: |
15 Mar 2006 08:29:18 PM |
| Object: |
Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
Hello there, I'm 16, I live in California USA, attend high-school and
am in the 11th grade. I've been diagnosed with depression for about 2
years now, and most likely from therapy, I had depression all the way
back to 6th grade. I've been through all sorts of therapy, learend all
sorts of "coping skills" and everything, nothing seems to help for
long. Everything lasts for a week or so, then doesn't work no more
I can't get myself to do stuff I dislike, I'm failing in school, I'm
220 lbs for a heighth of 5'8"
My main goal in life seems to be searching for love, but it has been
diminished with the sexual drive of teenage-hood and now I'm in a
constant battle/struggle against the very thing I hate the most. I
cannot find that true "love" that I seek, and don't even truly know
what it is. I've sensed it a few times in my life.
I fight against urges of homicidal tendencies everyday constantly. My
urges to inflict pain upon others have been increasing over time, and
my therapists are well aware. My medication is Welbutren and Abilify
where I'm taking the maximum perscribably dosage of welbutren and the
minimum effective dosage of abilify.
Hearing the screams of others in pain causes a wave of ecstasy to sweep
over me, in my dreams, and I seek for that with all that's in my core.
I'm also a struggling christian thats fallen very far out of my
spiritual life. With Attention Deficit Disorder my control over my
free-time thinking is diminished and I constatly think about hurting
others merely for the pleasure of it.
I've been hospitalized once, and received a medicatoin that helped ALOT
but its side-effect was I gained 50 lbs in 2 weeks, casuing terrible
stretch marks and massive health issues. I don't remember the name of
the drug but it's an anti-psychotic.
I'm seeking to find a friend or someone who can just talk to me,
understand me, and not critisize me. I underdstand this isn't "just who
I am" and that I need to and can change, I just don't know how.
If you can help, my yahoo chat is NosotrosHateMe, or you can e-mail me
at
Hope someone can help. Flames don't help. If you have a problem with
me, talk to me and we'll "debate" or have questions maybe I can help
you answer them if it will help someone else. Just because I desire to
hear the screams of pain from others doesn't mean I wish harm upon
them. I don't want to hurt people just to sate my un-ending hunger.
.
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 03:14:04 AM |
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Dune Shepherd wrote:
Hello there, I'm 16, I live in California USA, attend high-school and
am in the 11th grade. I've been diagnosed with depression for about 2
years now, and most likely from therapy, I had depression all the way
back to 6th grade. I've been through all sorts of therapy, learend all
sorts of "coping skills" and everything, nothing seems to help for
long. Everything lasts for a week or so, then doesn't work no more
I can't get myself to do stuff I dislike, I'm failing in school, I'm
220 lbs for a heighth of 5'8"
My main goal in life seems to be searching for love, but it has been
diminished with the sexual drive of teenage-hood and now I'm in a
constant battle/struggle against the very thing I hate the most. I
cannot find that true "love" that I seek, and don't even truly know
what it is. I've sensed it a few times in my life.
I fight against urges of homicidal tendencies everyday constantly. My
urges to inflict pain upon others have been increasing over time, and
my therapists are well aware. My medication is Welbutren and Abilify
where I'm taking the maximum perscribably dosage of welbutren and the
minimum effective dosage of abilify.
Hearing the screams of others in pain causes a wave of ecstasy to sweep
over me, in my dreams, and I seek for that with all that's in my core.
I'm also a struggling christian thats fallen very far out of my
spiritual life. With Attention Deficit Disorder my control over my
free-time thinking is diminished and I constatly think about hurting
others merely for the pleasure of it.
I've been hospitalized once, and received a medicatoin that helped ALOT
but its side-effect was I gained 50 lbs in 2 weeks, casuing terrible
stretch marks and massive health issues. I don't remember the name of
the drug but it's an anti-psychotic.
I'm seeking to find a friend or someone who can just talk to me,
understand me, and not critisize me. I underdstand this isn't "just who
I am" and that I need to and can change, I just don't know how.
If you can help, my yahoo chat is NosotrosHateMe, or you can e-mail me
at
Hope someone can help. Flames don't help. If you have a problem with
me, talk to me and we'll "debate" or have questions maybe I can help
you answer them if it will help someone else. Just because I desire to
hear the screams of pain from others doesn't mean I wish harm upon
them. I don't want to hurt people just to sate my un-ending hunger.
hello,
im sorry to read about your problems and hope that you find the light
soon.
as a bloke i cant begin to understand the pain you feel fully.
maybe some of the girls on here will be able to offer you some advice
and help.
take care,
Ian
.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 02:37:37 PM |
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Hello,
Are you a girl or boy? I am not sure and ask because what I would say
to you relates to that. If a girl, it is unusual to feel what sounds
like sexual satisfaction from another's pain, but boys are a different
story when it comes to issues of pain because it is tied up with strong
aggression feelings between 16-19. A generalization. But I just think
advice depends, in part, on your gender.
Best
Rosena
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 02:52:41 PM |
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<elystormbringer@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1142541457.616975.291730@p10g2000cwp.googlegroups.com...
Hello,
Are you a girl or boy? I am not sure and ask because what I would say
to you relates to that. If a girl, it is unusual to feel what sounds
like sexual satisfaction from another's pain, but boys are a different
story when it comes to issues of pain because it is tied up with strong
aggression feelings between 16-19. A generalization. But I just think
advice depends, in part, on your gender.
Best
Rosena
gender issues much
.
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| User: "Dune Shepherd" |
|
| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 05:10:58 PM |
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I'm a male, and I do appreciate the positive responses. Everywhere else
I post, people just flame and tease. Lately my anger has subdued a
little, not totally, just a little, and just plain raw depression in a
pure form is enveloping me. I want to just stay isolated all day in a
little cubby, away from people, yet something inside me at the same
time desires to be with people and be accepted. These conflicting
emotions give me headaches. I feel like completely giving up, if
nobody's helped me by now, I wonder if I'll ever find what I'm
searching for.
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 06:35:38 PM |
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"Dune Shepherd" <desertshepherd@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1142550658.139657.98650@i39g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I'm a male, and I do appreciate the positive responses. Everywhere
else
I post, people just flame and tease. Lately my anger has subdued a
little, not totally, just a little, and just plain raw depression in
a
pure form is enveloping me. I want to just stay isolated all day in
a
little cubby, away from people, yet something inside me at the same
time desires to be with people and be accepted. These conflicting
emotions give me headaches. I feel like completely giving up, if
nobody's helped me by now, I wonder if I'll ever find what I'm
searching for.
It's funny, but I just assumed you were male. I guess your writing
style conveys it.
It sounds like you need the right medication, especially if there is
one that helped you a lot before. I realize that particular one caused
a lot of weight gaine, but this shows that your condition can be
improved by medication. The trick now is to find one that does the job
and doesn't cause the weight gain.
I think you ought to see a good psychiatrist to look for a better
medication. Is this possible?
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
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| User: "Terry" |
|
| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 08:28:54 PM |
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You seem lonely. Do you like to be alone? High school is harsh and
you'd be surprised how many loners there are -- even the ones who don't
seem like loners. Is your school really cliquey and exclusive? It
doesn't seem like a friendly place -- that's the vibe I'm getting.
You've probably heard this a million times, but high school is just 4
years of your life. A lot changes once you're outta there. I had
major trouble making friends in high school but once I got to college,
it was a completely different experience because the peolple there were
different. It was that simple for me.
-- Terry
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| User: "Dune Shepherd" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 08:54:07 PM |
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Well it wouldn't be so bad If I could graduate, but failing all your
classes year after year after year won't get you out. If it wasn't for
me beingin counseling enhanced special-ed I'd already have been kicked
out as a drop-out.
Ofcourse I'm lonley and ofcourse my school is a living hell, arn't they
all? Society as a whole in america is an evil place filled with chaotic
tendencies. There's no escaping it all, its always upon you, no true
freedom, you're always being controlled and watched.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 11:52:55 PM |
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Hi Dune,
This is Rosena again. I picked up two things in your original post and
I wanted to focus on that for a moment. You mentioned losing your
faith. And also wanting to hurt people and finding joy in their
screams. Its okay. I am not shocked or going to say anything
judgmental. You are a young man. I am going to say something that
might sound odd, but I worked with many young students who came from
very strict faith backgrounds and often they had confused sexual
feelings about girls that they thought had to be really shut off. This
kind of deep suppression is like forcing a naturally growing tree to
not branch out and so it gets cramped and then twists and bends in odd
directions. Do you follow me?
Doctors and medication probably are good as others said. But besides
all that, you need to find a way to 1) feel as if you are incontrol of
your life 2) relate to girls even as a friend but in open and close
ways 3) listen to a lot of garage band head banging guitar rocking
angst music (I am serious - it will help rage) and try to think in a
pretty grown up way about your faith issues, of your denomination is
right for you (I am assuming Christian? But all kinds right with
different beliefs about young men growing up, Catholic isn't Baptist,
Bpatist isn't Methodist and so forth) and see if you can connect
violence urges with suppression of more natural feelings that come with
young manhood that you may be afraid to feel??
Just speculating from what I picked up in your post. Please feel free
to talk to me OR tell me I am all off base!!
Best
Rosena
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| User: "Whiskers" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
18 Mar 2006 05:00:51 AM |
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On 2006-03-17, <> wrote:
Hi Dune,
This is Rosena again. I picked up two things in your original post and
I wanted to focus on that for a moment. You mentioned losing your
faith. And also wanting to hurt people and finding joy in their
screams. Its okay. I am not shocked or going to say anything
judgmental. You are a young man. I am going to say something that
might sound odd, but I worked with many young students who came from
very strict faith backgrounds and often they had confused sexual
feelings about girls that they thought had to be really shut off. This
kind of deep suppression is like forcing a naturally growing tree to
not branch out and so it gets cramped and then twists and bends in odd
directions. Do you follow me?
Doctors and medication probably are good as others said. But besides
all that, you need to find a way to 1) feel as if you are incontrol of
your life 2) relate to girls even as a friend but in open and close
ways 3) listen to a lot of garage band head banging guitar rocking
angst music (I am serious - it will help rage) and try to think in a
pretty grown up way about your faith issues, of your denomination is
right for you (I am assuming Christian? But all kinds right with
different beliefs about young men growing up, Catholic isn't Baptist,
Bpatist isn't Methodist and so forth) and see if you can connect
violence urges with suppression of more natural feelings that come with
young manhood that you may be afraid to feel??
Just speculating from what I picked up in your post. Please feel free
to talk to me OR tell me I am all off base!!
Best
Rosena
I'll add, from a male persective, that violent feelings are not that
unusual in the teens, as the hormones are all a bit out of control. There
is a good reason for so many young men getting involved in 'rough' contact
sports, or martial arts or boxing, or strenuous and risky pastimes.
I am a pacifist, but I had some very violent urges and moments in my
teens.
Welcome to ASD, Dune :))
--
-- ^^^^^^^^^^
-- Whiskers
-- ~~~~~~~~~~
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| User: "Terry" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
18 Mar 2006 07:48:32 AM |
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We all have a dark side. At least you're acknowledging yours, which is
a lot more than most people do. You are very brave.
-- Terry
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| User: "Terry" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 08:57:20 PM |
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You said you have ADD -- taking medications or dietary changes for
that? BTW, if you think america is "an evil place filled with chaotic
tendencies" well, it's A LOT WORSE in many other parts of the world. I
know immigrants who have risk everything and lost everything just to
get here.
-- Terry
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 08:59:03 PM |
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"Terry" <badshrink@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1142564240.551510.44570@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
You said you have ADD -- taking medications or dietary changes for
that? BTW, if you think america is "an evil place filled with chaotic
tendencies" well, it's A LOT WORSE in many other parts of the world. I
know immigrants who have risk everything and lost everything just to
get here.
-- Terry
and now they wanna go home
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: Seeking someone to talk to - Help. |
16 Mar 2006 05:46:45 PM |
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Dune Shepherd wrote:
I'm a male, and I do appreciate the positive responses. Everywhere else
I post, people just flame and tease. Lately my anger has subdued a
little, not totally, just a little, and just plain raw depression in a
pure form is enveloping me. I want to just stay isolated all day in a
little cubby, away from people, yet something inside me at the same
time desires to be with people and be accepted. These conflicting
emotions give me headaches. I feel like completely giving up, if
nobody's helped me by now, I wonder if I'll ever find what I'm
searching for.
ooooooops i thort u was a girl!
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