| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"packrat" |
| Date: |
17 May 2006 12:42:15 AM |
| Object: |
skewed thinking |
I don't even know what I have the right to expect or receive in a
relationship. I feel guilty for not liking his talking about his ex and the
fact that he won't give me the same curtisies and considerations that he
gave her because he was hurt so badly by her that he isn't ready to give
quite that much yet. Or at least that's his rationale. Most of it isn't
big stuff so far, it's all minor such as helping me with my bags when I go
to visit or opening the door. As I said, most all of it is pretty minor and
after being on my own for quite a few years I'm used to fending for myself.
But when I find out that the reason he doesn't do certain things is because
he's holding back due to her and that he did all these things and so much
more for her, then I start feeling like *****.
Then when I mention it, he gets distant and pulls away, or gets off the
phone. Then I feel guilty for saying "I'll be glad when it's just you and I
in the relationship and she's finally out". Considering I"m tired of her
being brought up all the time. I hurt his feelings by not accepting and I'm
feeling like ***** for hurting his feelings. Also feeling like ***** because
I'm not worthy or worth certain things....feel like ***** all around.
Yet for the most part the relationship has been good, this is a nagging pain
in the ***** part and not the whole of the relationship so i'm not saying he's
an *****, he's not. I'm not trying to make him out to be a bad person. There
are so many good things in the relationship.
Like I said, all my thinking is skewed and I don't know what I have the
right to expect or recieve in a relationship and feel guilty for wanting
certain things.
.
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: skewed thinking |
17 May 2006 05:06:49 PM |
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packrat wrote:
I don't even know what I have the right to expect or receive in a
relationship. I feel guilty for not liking his talking about his ex and the
fact that he won't give me the same curtisies and considerations that he
gave her because he was hurt so badly by her that he isn't ready to give
quite that much yet. Or at least that's his rationale. Most of it isn't
big stuff so far, it's all minor such as helping me with my bags when I go
to visit or opening the door. As I said, most all of it is pretty minor and
after being on my own for quite a few years I'm used to fending for myself.
But when I find out that the reason he doesn't do certain things is because
he's holding back due to her and that he did all these things and so much
more for her, then I start feeling like *****.
Then when I mention it, he gets distant and pulls away, or gets off the
phone. Then I feel guilty for saying "I'll be glad when it's just you and I
in the relationship and she's finally out". Considering I"m tired of her
being brought up all the time. I hurt his feelings by not accepting and I'm
feeling like ***** for hurting his feelings. Also feeling like ***** because
I'm not worthy or worth certain things....feel like ***** all around.
Yet for the most part the relationship has been good, this is a nagging pain
in the ***** part and not the whole of the relationship so i'm not saying he's
an *****, he's not. I'm not trying to make him out to be a bad person. There
are so many good things in the relationship.
I say stay as long as things are going okay, and its fun He is not
jealous or controlling or scary .. He is just a nice guy who is still a
little hung up on his ex,, well thats something you can deal with..
lots of crazies out there,, good luck, !!! jill
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| User: "packrat" |
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| Title: Re: skewed thinking |
17 May 2006 08:09:11 PM |
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I say stay as long as things are going okay, and its fun He is not
jealous or controlling or scary .. He is just a nice guy who is still a
little hung up on his ex,, well thats something you can deal with..
lots of crazies out there,, good luck, !!! jill
yeah, that's my feelings which is why I'm still here. He's great for the
most part. It's just the damned ex-factor that pisses me off. I just don't
know what I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react. I don't want to
be a doormat just settling for scraps but I also don't know if I'm
over-reacting. My last long relationship was so screwed up that I don't
know what's normal and what's not. My only other relationship since my
divorce was so fucked up and such a big mistake that I can't judge from that
one either. One of those, even though I don't want to live with regrets?
I'll always regret that one. Anyways....
yeah, this guy is a good guy, great to my kids, been real understanding with
so many things that I've tolerated this so far.
Thanks Jill.
So how are you? I'm not around here much but always love to hear from you.
I guess I should get better about emailing.
C.
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| User: "Alan Harding" |
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| Title: Re: skewed thinking |
21 May 2006 05:32:08 PM |
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In message <XOPag.336$SX5.166@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>, packrat
<maddienospam@yahoo.com> writes
I say stay as long as things are going okay, and its fun He is not
jealous or controlling or scary .. He is just a nice guy who is still a
little hung up on his ex,, well thats something you can deal with..
lots of crazies out there,, good luck, !!! jill
yeah, that's my feelings which is why I'm still here. He's great for the
most part. It's just the damned ex-factor that pisses me off. I just don't
know what I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react. I don't want to
be a doormat just settling for scraps but I also don't know if I'm
over-reacting. My last long relationship was so screwed up that I don't
know what's normal and what's not. My only other relationship since my
divorce was so fucked up and such a big mistake that I can't judge from that
one either. One of those, even though I don't want to live with regrets?
I'll always regret that one. Anyways....
yeah, this guy is a good guy, great to my kids, been real understanding with
so many things that I've tolerated this so far.
You're having a relationship with someone who's still in his previous
one. If he only opened doors for his wife, he's an ill-mannered someone,
too.
--
The opinions given above may be mine. They might also
just be what I feel like saying right now, okay?
.
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| User: "jill" |
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| Title: Re: skewed thinking |
18 May 2006 12:03:26 PM |
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packrat wrote:
I say stay as long as things are going okay, and its fun He is not
jealous or controlling or scary .. He is just a nice guy who is still a
little hung up on his ex,, well thats something you can deal with..
lots of crazies out there,, good luck, !!! jill
yeah, that's my feelings which is why I'm still here. He's great for the
most part. It's just the damned ex-factor that pisses me off. I just don't
know what I'm supposed to feel, how I'm supposed to react. I don't want to
be a doormat just settling for scraps but I also don't know if I'm
over-reacting. My last long relationship was so screwed up that I don't
know what's normal and what's not. My only other relationship since my
divorce was so fucked up and such a big mistake that I can't judge from that
one either. One of those, even though I don't want to live with regrets?
I'll always regret that one. Anyways....
yeah, this guy is a good guy, great to my kids, been real understanding with
so many things that I've tolerated this so far.
Thanks Jill.
So how are you? I'm not around here much but always love to hear from you.
I guess I should get better about emailing.
C.
I'm completely stressed out. I am selling my old pick up , I bought a
new one. I think I found a buyer but they are jerking me around a
little. I feel like screaming "so you want it or not" !! I should
know by saturday.. Its the insurance factor.. I can't carry both trucks
for more then a month ,, I need to sell that baby now!!!!
so that pretty much brings you up to date on my life.. keep in
touch! best, jill
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