| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"used2be" |
| Date: |
03 Apr 2006 09:18:21 AM |
| Object: |
sobbing uncontrollably... |
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just feel
so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change anything. i
don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i wanted to.
and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband getting a job
making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i love. i worked
my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that was killing me,
and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't bring
in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think it's fair for me to
have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby do
this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change everything? i'm
doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did what
"regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be just
fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!! so
don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i
can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like the
worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my family.
that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back
to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and go back to
a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad
guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm DONE.
in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die. i feel
it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were cancer.
it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's all
i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool teacher.
frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this depression is
like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the beach. i am no
match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around as
if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to fight anymore. i
just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
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| User: "milli-friend" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 09:58:03 AM |
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"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com:
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i
just feel so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change
anything. i don't have the energy to get up and change anything even
if i wanted to.
[...]
:'-(((((
~u2b
Here... (wipes u2b's tears). It isn't hopeless. You aren't powerless. Now,
maybe you should take a walk or something, just to get out of the house,
and try to get your mind off your problems for a while?
- millipede man
[mollie: Maybe u2b would feel better if she had a pet millipede or two?]
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 09:27:32 AM |
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"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com...
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just
feel
so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change anything. i
don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i wanted to.
and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband getting a
job
making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i love. i worked
my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that was killing me,
and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't bring
in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think it's fair for me
to
have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby
do
this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change everything? i'm
doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did what
"regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be
just
fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!!
so
don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i
can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like the
worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my family.
that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back
to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and go back
to
a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the
bad
guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm
DONE.
in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die. i feel
it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were cancer.
it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's
all
i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool teacher.
frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this depression is
like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the beach. i am no
match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around
as
if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to fight anymore. i
just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
i have a thousand answers but i doubt ,
anyone of them will be something you haven't already heard ,
or already know yourself already anyway
.
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 10:24:40 AM |
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"%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:rpKdnXJBi-8jrazZnZ2dnUVZ_vidnZ2d@giganews.com...
"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com...
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just
feel
so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change anything. i
don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i wanted to.
and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband getting a
job
making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i love. i
worked
my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that was killing
me,
and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't
bring
in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think it's fair for me
to
have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby
do
this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change everything? i'm
doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did what
"regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be
just
fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!!
so
don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if
i
can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like the
worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my family.
that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go
back
to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so
maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and go back
to
a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the
bad
guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm
dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm
DONE.
in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die. i
feel
it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were cancer.
it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's
all
i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool teacher.
frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this depression is
like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the beach. i am
no
match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around
as
if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to fight anymore. i
just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
i have a thousand answers but i doubt ,
anyone of them will be something you haven't already heard ,
or already know yourself already anyway
thnk you for just bein my friend....
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| User: "cal" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 12:20:46 PM |
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"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com...
i'm doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did
what "regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd
be just fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!!
so don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!!
if i can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like
the worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my
family. that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't
go back to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to.
so maybe that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and
go back to a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants.
yep....i'm the bad guy here. *sigh*
you're not the bad guy, but investing your happiness in expectations of
another person is a sure-fire way to remain very unhappy.
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die.
when it comes down to the last ditch, turning your back and walking away is
preferable to dying, even, i think, in the realm of ideation.
i hope all works out for the best for you.
.
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| User: "Jane" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 06:12:00 PM |
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"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com...
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just
feel so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change
anything. i don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i
wanted to. and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband
getting a job making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i
love. i worked my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that
was killing me, and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but
that doesn't bring in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think
it's fair for me to have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated.
why can't my hubby do this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing
everything i'm supposed to be doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me
to change everything? i'm doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help
me??!!!! if he just did what "regular" people did (work a normal job 40
hours a week), then we'd be just fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!!
even at the worst of my depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i
HATED. even then!!!! so don't tell me that he's too depressed to work!
I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i can do it, then so can he!!! his current
depression is nothing like the worst of my depressions, and still i
worked. i took care of my family. that's all i want him to do. THAT'S
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back to that job or another one like it.
i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe that makes me the bad guy. because
i won't sacrifice myself and go back to a job i hated so that he can just
do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm
DONE. in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die.
i feel it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were
cancer. it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation.
it's all i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool
teacher. frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this
depression is like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the
beach. i am no match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is
whipping me around as if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how
to fight anymore. i just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
I wish I had seen this, this morning.... I'm sending what strength I have
left to help carry you through another day, please hang on honey I"m here!!!
.
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| User: "monkeyhawk" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 03:24:02 PM |
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"used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:N8aYf.53488$1Z5.9205@tornado.texas.rr.com...
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just
feel so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change
anything. i don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i
wanted to. and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband
getting a job making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i
love. i worked my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that
was killing me, and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but
that doesn't bring in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think
it's fair for me to have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated.
why can't my hubby do this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing
everything i'm supposed to be doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me
to change everything? i'm doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help
me??!!!! if he just did what "regular" people did (work a normal job 40
hours a week), then we'd be just fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!!
even at the worst of my depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i
HATED. even then!!!! so don't tell me that he's too depressed to work!
I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i can do it, then so can he!!! his current
depression is nothing like the worst of my depressions, and still i
worked. i took care of my family. that's all i want him to do. THAT'S
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back to that job or another one like it.
i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe that makes me the bad guy. because
i won't sacrifice myself and go back to a job i hated so that he can just
do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm
DONE. in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die.
i feel it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were
cancer. it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation.
it's all i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool
teacher. frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this
depression is like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the
beach. i am no match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is
whipping me around as if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how
to fight anymore. i just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
Been there.
Done that.
Got the t-shirt.
(It's getting faded; it's been a while.)
I had a great (albeit, hard-assed) therapist who once told me, "Hell, you
can be poor and sad your own self! You don't need her help!")
You've got kids (which we didn't), so the equation is different.
But the underlying message is similar.
I think one of the symptoms of this depression thing is that we cannot
possible imagine anything getting better; that any change in our lives is
doomed to get worse.
It's like the old Vaudeville routine:
"Doc, it hurts when I do this."
"Don't do that!"
(cue the rim-shot)
Love, or commitment, or obligations, or guilt, or fantasies of romance
(past, present, or hoped-for future) traps us into "doing that." Over and
over again.
Look. I'm in no position to preach.
But I have a few examples in my life when I found it in myself to change the
situation. It's not always been for better and it's not always been for
worse. But the important thing is, I got a little bit of gumption and
changed things.
And life, they say, is change.
I don't know enough of your details to quote Ann Landers and say, "Throw the
bum out." I don't know enough of your situation to advise anything, really.
Thing is...and I'm working on this in my own life... is that whatever I'm
doing these days isn't really working. So it's time to change.
Changes is scary.
I hope...however things work out...stuff changes for you.
(At least the rugs got vacuumed.)
;-)
.
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| User: "jake" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 10:01:46 AM |
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I am so sorry you are feeling this way.
This is going to sound very simplistic. How about you don't change jobs
at all? if there isn't enough money that way,. that might be very well
be the incentive your husband needs. Don't take all of this just on your
shoulders.
But one way or anther, it is sad that this is an issue between the two
of you. I hope together you can find a way to do this in cooperation and
that hopefully you will both feel happier for it.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 12:50:33 PM |
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I don't have any answers, but I do understand
how you hurt. All the best, C.
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| User: "aaron from suburbia" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 11:32:56 PM |
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I totally hear you, Used2be.
I've not had the same experiences in life that you have -- but I can
relate to being alone in a house and crying uncontrollably and wanting
out of everything. just everything.
stuck in this meaningless suburban life that has no meaning, no worth,
just artificial.
people from the city who've had to survive very hard, impossible times
are going to laugh at me for this, but I just cannot take it, it's too
hard, too unkind. too painful. even in the 'sheltered' suburbs were
everything is easy (well it's not easy)
I'd like to be on the beach right now, with a palm tree and some sand.
others here can offer far better words of encouragement than I can, I
suck at that pretty much. I'm sorry I don't have much to offer.
but I'm thinking of ya!
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 10:26:26 AM |
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thnx you guys...
i think i'll go vacuum....then i can at least do something productive while
i cry....yay...go me...
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 10:31:21 AM |
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used2be wrote:
thnx you guys...
i think i'll go vacuum....then i can at least do something productive while
i cry....yay...go me...
do you compost the contents of you hoover?
we do...put it on the compost heap.
if you dont have a compost heap just tip it onto the earth in the
garden and leave the rest to mother nature.
its rather good stuff you know virtualy all the contents of a hoover is
organic waste.
thats todays totaly dull and uninteresting fact.
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| User: "used2be" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 12:21:55 PM |
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"purpleveggie" <purpleveggie@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1144078281.682980.322060@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
used2be wrote:
thnx you guys...
i think i'll go vacuum....then i can at least do something productive
while
i cry....yay...go me...
do you compost the contents of you hoover?
wrong day to ask...currently i don't give a damn WHAT happens to the
contents of my "hoover!" i'm just glad to have enough energy to vacuum!!!
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 09:28:53 PM |
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used2be wrote...
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop
weeping. i just feel so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel
so powerless to change anything. i don't have the energy
to get up and change anything even if i wanted to. and to
be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband
getting a job making enough money so that i don't have to
quit the job i love. i worked my ***** off for 21 years in a
job i HATED and in a job that was killing me, and now, for
the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't
bring in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't
think it's fair for me to have to suddenly go back to the
kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby do this for me?
why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change
everything? i'm doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help
me??!!!! if he just did what "regular" people did (work a
normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be just fine!! IS
THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED.
even then!!!! so don't tell me that he's too depressed to
work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i can do it, then so can
he!!! his current depression is nothing like the worst of
my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my
family. that's all i want him to do. THAT'S
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back to that job or
another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice
myself and go back to a job i hated so that he can just do
whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you
guys. i just can't. :( i've been strong for so dang
long, and i'm used up. i'm dried up. it's all gone. i
need him to take over or i am going to die. i physically
and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm
DONE. in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm
going to die. i feel it in my bones. this is killing me
just as surely as if it were cancer. it's eating me up and
taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's all i
can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool
teacher. frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing
that. this depression is like a humongous storm, and i am
like a small stick on the beach. i am no match for it
anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around
as if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to
fight anymore. i just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
i hope the rest of the day went better, at least a little.
i hope you can find a full-time job you love. they're out there.
i know you'll miss your little ones. at least if your husband is
home, he can drive the kids around. summer will be here before
you know it. he'll be a busy guy staying at home. maybe busy
enough to want to go back to the relative stability of work?
you know i wish you the best.
-lisa
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| User: "violet" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 09:39:28 AM |
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used2be wrote:
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping.
Read & snipped...
i just can't. i'm just done...
((((((((((((u2b)))))))))))
You seem to know the problem and the solution.
You don't think you are asking to much of hubby and neither do I (based
on what you say)
so sometimes you need to be taken care of, I mean you, not yur
children, not your hubby who sounds as if he is fairly astute at taking
care of himself.
All I can offer is what the Doctor told me this morning;
we get into habits which may not be good for us but they make a neural
pathway in our brains. Even though these reactions are not at all what
we want and are very detrimental to our welfare, they are wired in and
the brain 'doesn't like' change - that's why we still exhibit behaviour
which distresses us.
Maybe if you tell hubby that you don't even think you can do the part
time job so the options are; you carry on with the job you have and the
small amount it pays or you become so sick you can't work at all. As if
you could not work at all with 3 children !
You have to draw a line and stick to it and I speak from bitter
experience.
I have faith in you just from reading your post, you know the situation
really well and you know what you want.
Your needs have to come first (says I who is still battling with that
one)
Take care love, you are not alone.
:-)
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| User: "purpleveggie" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 09:51:00 AM |
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used2be wrote:
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just feel
so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change anything. i
don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i wanted to.
and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband getting a job
making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i love. i worked
my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that was killing me,
and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't bring
in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think it's fair for me to
have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby do
this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change everything? i'm
doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did what
"regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be just
fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!! so
don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i
can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like the
worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my family.
that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back
to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and go back to
a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad
guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm DONE.
in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die. i feel
it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were cancer.
it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's all
i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool teacher.
frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this depression is
like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the beach. i am no
match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around as
if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to fight anymore. i
just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
~u2b
dont you dare give up!!!
look how long and hard you have fought your demons,you cant give in to
them.
YOU will win the battle......for sure.
ok its hurts like hell atm but hang on in there coz victory will be
yours.
trust me.
Ian
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| User: "yuluwirri" |
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| Title: Re: sobbing uncontrollably... |
03 Apr 2006 04:18:37 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
On Mon, 03 Apr 2006 14:18:21 GMT, "used2be" <used2be@nowhere.com>
wrote:
i'm alone in this house for a change, and i can't stop weeping. i just feel
so lost. i feel so hopeless. i feel so powerless to change anything. i
don't have the energy to get up and change anything even if i wanted to.
and to be honest, the only thing i want changed is my husband getting a job
making enough money so that i don't have to quit the job i love. i worked
my ***** off for 21 years in a job i HATED and in a job that was killing me,
and now, for the last 3 years, i have a job i love, but that doesn't bring
in much money...but i love it. :((( and i don't think it's fair for me to
have to suddenly go back to the kind of work i hated. why can't my hubby do
this for me? why, why, why??!!! i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be
doing...so why can't he? why is it up to me to change everything? i'm
doing the RIGHT things! why can't he help me??!!!! if he just did what
"regular" people did (work a normal job 40 hours a week), then we'd be just
fine!! IS THAT TOO DAMN MUCH TO ASK??!!! even at the worst of my
depressions, i still worked that AWFUL job that i HATED. even then!!!! so
don't tell me that he's too depressed to work! I'M NOT BUYING IT!!! if i
can do it, then so can he!!! his current depression is nothing like the
worst of my depressions, and still i worked. i took care of my family.
that's all i want him to do. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't go back
to that job or another one like it. i just can't. i refuse to. so maybe
that makes me the bad guy. because i won't sacrifice myself and go back to
a job i hated so that he can just do whatever he wants. yep....i'm the bad
guy here. *sigh*
today...honestly...i don't think i can do this anymore, you guys. i just
can't. :( i've been strong for so dang long, and i'm used up. i'm dried
up. it's all gone. i need him to take over or i am going to die. i
physically and emotionally can not get up and take over anymore. i'm DONE.
in every way. and if he doesn't take over soon, i'm going to die. i feel
it in my bones. this is killing me just as surely as if it were cancer.
it's eating me up and taking away all of my energy and motivation. it's all
i can do to be a mom to my 3 girls and a part-time preschool teacher.
frankly, i don't know how i'm even still doing that. this depression is
like a humongous storm, and i am like a small stick on the beach. i am no
match for it anymore. it has picked me up, and it is whipping me around as
if i'm nothing at all. i give up. i don't know how to fight anymore. i
just can't. i'm just done...
:'-(((((
Oh matey I'm so sorry to see you so upset. You know, I have a feeling
that if you stick to your guns, he will eventually pick up the slack.
If you need to go into hospital to get yourself a little better, he
will need to step up because you won't be there to do it for him.
I really do think that it is imperative that you make sure you take
care of yourself at the moment. Can you talk to your pastor or a
counselor about your concerns? Is there somebody you can lean on for a
while?
(((((((((C)))))))))
~u2b
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
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