The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a
figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.
3rd RunnerUp
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no
alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use acronyms;
thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.
2nd RunnerUp
The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn to equalize the
pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it
all out.
1st RunnerUp
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup
trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number
of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great
literary works in Braille.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is absolutely
constant. If consonants are omitted in one geographic area, they turn up
in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the lost r's migrate
southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet; and when toast is
dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side down. Therefore, I
propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the
two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into
eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace pneumatic tires on cars
and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays" could easily allow a
high-speed monorail to link between New York with Chicago.
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