| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"%" |
| Date: |
08 Mar 2006 07:18:24 PM |
| Object: |
SOME INTERESTING FOOD FACTS |
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
"spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and
hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your
bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a
softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be
discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the
floor, it has gone bad.
6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese
is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is
nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you
realize you've never purchased that kind.
7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.
8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is
an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw
away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps
you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the
defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or
wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers
from what you cooked for yourself last night).
13. LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom
of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when
it turns liquid.
14. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the
mayonnaise is spoiled.
15. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
16. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
undergrowth.
17. RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
18. SALT: It never spoils.
19. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to
discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.
20. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average
life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge
this.
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| User: "Jesters mummy" |
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| Title: Re: SOME INTERESTING FOOD FACTS |
09 Mar 2006 06:54:38 AM |
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On Wed, 8 Mar 2006 18:18:24 -0700, "%" <persent@gmail.com> wrote:
<(((*>7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
<(((*>probably past its prime.
I wish I had known this BEFORE I got my parrot.
Tara J. Ballance
Montreal, Canada
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