all in all, i'm a mess.

i made it through the weekend. the reception was less than fun,
but i had the excuse of a very tired 7-yr-old to get me out of
it early. thak god my fil had gotten us rooms in the hotel.

home mon night, followed by a killer day at partial tuesday. my
goal for the day was to try to feel something, and i succeeded
too well. every group was so emotionally charged with issues
other than (though often overlapping) my own that they kept
reminding us that we could talk one-on-one with staff when we
needed to. i was shaking when i got out to my car.

tues afternoon, shale came home from the vet. he's got severe
kidney disease, which seems to have come on fairly suddenly,
over the past couple of months. he's always been very thin, so
we didn't notice for awhile just how thin he'd gotten under hos
long fur. the vets think that his kidneys were underdeveloped
and were suscpetible to early disease. he's only 6 or 7 (too
tired to look it up.) so he's at home, slowly dying while we
gently force-feed him homemade food and give him sub-cutaneous
fluids every couple of days. at least he's happy being back here
where he can cuddle with his mom and lie on dan's bed. it gives
the kids some time to say goodbye, too. i hate to whisk him away
saying he looks sick, never to return. it's better for everyone
this way.

today i saw my pdoc. he wants to raise the parnate. i figured we
would, just not quite so fast. the only problem i seem to have
with it is a headache which worsens after i take my daily dose.
maybe it will be better once it's divided.

tomorrow's partial again. it has to go better than tuesday. at
least i have a therp appt right after it.

all in all, i'm a mess.