That's a long time, to be working on this sort of thing.
When I went through that it lasted for a couple of years,
back in 90 - 92. There have been episodes off and on after
that, but thankfully my time in the hospital was able to
break the cycle. Being monitored 24/7 was also helpful.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns958CA7FDEC07Emccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...

i've been working on it for 7 or 8 years now, so i guess
coping the best i can has become second nature.

-lisa


David wrote...

I remember when I was going through that, the urges and
impulses. There was one medication in paticular,
immipramine, I think it was, that was able to stop it. I
had been court-ordered to a state hospital at the time,
which was difficult, but I still feel like I needed to be
there.

Glad you can find a distraction through all this. You
seem like you're able to cope with this pretty well.

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns958CA46E9C9F8mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...

distraction is my favorite distress tolerance skill.
unfortunately, the urges come through it, but at least i
don't dwell on having them. btw, i watched 'the outer
limits' last night.

-lisa



David wrote...

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, at least the
depression has lifted some. I'm glad you can find
something to be positive about, that's important. I
know what the dissociation feels like, I've been
dealing with that some lately.

Can you create a distraction for yourself, something to
sort of break the monotony while you're going through
this? I managed to watch a little tv last night, part
of an episode of the twightlight zone. Hadn't seen that
show in awhile, it was kind of interesting after what I
went through recently, while being off the meds. Am not
sure if something like that would be helpful for you or
not, it's just a thought.

Hope things get better for you.

David

"lisa in mass." <mccats@rcn.com> wrote in message
news:Xns958C209AC233mccatsjavanetcom@130.133.1.4...

the depression is better. lifted some, back to feeling
bad, but able to get some things done here. better
than i was. poor plants are going to die if i keep
forgetting to water them, though. at least the cats
have food and water as needed, though i've been
slacking off with the downstairs pans.

the urges to self-injure or die are much stronger.
dissociating much more. they (the therps and pdoc)
think this is a sign of doing good work. my brain
hurts from it, though, and i want to die all the time.
great work, huh? i don't want to look at this stuff
anymore. but intellectually i know that it's got to
get done at some point, that i'm already in the thick
of it, and it should just get worked through some
more. at least until i'm at the end of this layer.

psych work can really suck, you know?

yours in suicidal ideation,

-lisa