| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Anonymous" |
| Date: |
08 Jun 2005 12:09:05 AM |
| Object: |
Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
my sister killed herself when she was 32.
i haven't cried in more than 3 years and writing that has started the
fucking waterworks.
my loveable, smart, funny, beautiful sister killed herself when she was 32.
i grieved for nearly a year before i got drunk one night and tried it
for myself. that was 54 months ago.
during my period of grieving, i could not make sense of what my sister
did no matter how hard i tried. i tried to understand it rationally and
i never could get there. i was stuck. i could not let it go. the more
i tried to wrap my mind around it, the more depressed i became. it
finally dawned on me that the only way i could make sense of it was to
do it too. so i saved up my scrips, bided my time, and when i had
enough to do the trick, i got drunk, swallowed my pills, called my
mother and said goodbye.
i realize what i did was a gesture. otherwise, i would have never
called anyone. i ended up spending time in a psychiatric hospital and
over the next couple of years i got the meds, the talk therapy, and all
the things that go with that to help me move on.
as much as i miss my sister, i'm glad i lived through the past 54
months. i'm glad i didn't die. it's an accurate statement to say that
my life has changed so much and in so many ways since then. the person
i was then doesn't even seem real to me. back then, i could have never
predicted how my life would be now. not that it's champagne and roses,
but it's not bad at all. i've gone back to writing, composing music,
and even taken up sculpture. i've become an electrician and a welder to
advance the pursuit of my art. words still pay the bills, but the art
is coming around.
the point is: if you'd tried to tell me what was in store for me back
then, i wouldn't have believed you. i couldn't see it.
just before my suicide attempt, i found this group. sunkitten was one
of the people that told me to keep swimming, to keep on keeping on, that
things would get better. i bottomed out one night in manhattan. but
ever since then, i have never forgotten. i never forget that i hit
bottom. i never forget how fucked up i was. and i never forget that i
came through it.
and i keep on swimming...
-=-
This message was sent via two or more anonymous remailing services.
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| User: "Brianversion" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 01:21:50 AM |
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"as much as i miss my sister, i'm glad i lived through the past 54
months. i'm glad i didn't die. "
Absofuckinglutely. Sorry about your sister. My AA sponser saved my
life (from cocaine) but he shot himself, and I think of him constantly,
either, "Denny, you fucker!!" or "Denny, what the *****?" or "God save
him, he was a great guy". Fucking suicide; Truthseeker, he was just a
KID, and he missed G. Bushes presidency, 911, all the ***** that he
would have had so much to say about. No way, man, I'm staying to see
how this thing ends. I'd give you a manly hug if I could send one
through a remailer. hang in.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 02:33:20 AM |
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Anonymous <BigappleRemailer@bigapple.yi.org> wrote:
as much as i miss my sister, i'm glad i lived through the past 54
months. i'm glad i didn't die.
we're glad too. thanks for the post.
--
but the edge is still Out there. Or maybe it's In... HST (1967)
when i got to the edge , i built a deck % (2005)
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| User: "Doug Laidlaw" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 04:40:30 AM |
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Anonymous wrote:
my sister killed herself when she was 32.
i haven't cried in more than 3 years and writing that has started the
fucking waterworks.
my loveable, smart, funny, beautiful sister killed herself when she was
32.
i grieved for nearly a year before i got drunk one night and tried it
for myself. that was 54 months ago.
during my period of grieving, i could not make sense of what my sister
did no matter how hard i tried. i tried to understand it rationally and
i never could get there. i was stuck. i could not let it go. the more
i tried to wrap my mind around it, the more depressed i became. it
finally dawned on me that the only way i could make sense of it was to
do it too. so i saved up my scrips, bided my time, and when i had
enough to do the trick, i got drunk, swallowed my pills, called my
mother and said goodbye.
i realize what i did was a gesture. otherwise, i would have never
called anyone. i ended up spending time in a psychiatric hospital and
over the next couple of years i got the meds, the talk therapy, and all
the things that go with that to help me move on.
as much as i miss my sister, i'm glad i lived through the past 54
months. i'm glad i didn't die. it's an accurate statement to say that
my life has changed so much and in so many ways since then. the person
i was then doesn't even seem real to me. back then, i could have never
predicted how my life would be now. not that it's champagne and roses,
but it's not bad at all. i've gone back to writing, composing music,
and even taken up sculpture. i've become an electrician and a welder to
advance the pursuit of my art. words still pay the bills, but the art
is coming around.
the point is: if you'd tried to tell me what was in store for me back
then, i wouldn't have believed you. i couldn't see it.
just before my suicide attempt, i found this group. sunkitten was one
of the people that told me to keep swimming, to keep on keeping on, that
things would get better. i bottomed out one night in manhattan. but
ever since then, i have never forgotten. i never forget that i hit
bottom. i never forget how fucked up i was. and i never forget that i
came through it.
and i keep on swimming...
-=-
This message was sent via two or more anonymous remailing services.
And now, at last, you have let yourself grieve. You are more than halfway
to being healed.
Doug L.
--
ICQ Number 178748389. Registered Linux User No. 277548.
The less we are attached to life, the more alive we can become.
- Rachel Naomi Remen,M.D.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 05:20:34 AM |
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Anonymous,
Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry for the grief that you've been
dealing with, with your sister passing away. Grief can hang on for a
long time. I've never been through grief counseling but that might be
something you could check into, though I know you mentioned having been
in counseling before at the hospital. I think going to a workshop on
that topic could be helpful, if you can find one going on in your area,
or find one that meets on the internet.
I'm glad you're still around too. There have been a couple times in my
life where I attempted suicide. I think I agree with it being a
gesture, or a cry for help, because there was always medical help close
by, but I still have the memory and think it can be just as
distressing. Its good that you have hope for better things to come, and
are back to doing things you enjoy.
What medication are you on, if you don't mind sharing? Sometimes the
right combination can help to clear up some of the thoughts.
Welcome to asd,
David
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 10:27:00 AM |
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I'm glad for you, your mother must be so happy to have her son alive.
jill
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| User: "Rosena" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 02:52:33 PM |
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You sound talented. Never forget that these things are gifts -
sculpture, writing, composing --
and that you are not allowed to ever throw them away.
I too lost someone to suicide. It hurts, huh? I am glad you made it
through. Real glad.
Rosena
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: Suicide lingers. (sp: suicide) |
08 Jun 2005 12:15:48 PM |
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geez, what is it about 32??!!!
my sister died at age 32 (uterine cancer) and my own suicide attempt was at
age 32.
bizarre.
keep on swimming...
~u2b
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