"Teilhard Knight" <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:604uo0F1n223vU1@mid.individual.net...

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest.

I'm sorry about your illness, Teil.

The point is that my father
does not even want to even hear about it, He phones every day, and he
always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I have always
replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I am well,
so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside like he
gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of character in
him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle this, I get mad
at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same everyday is getting
on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it is a form in which
he protects himself from the grief that would be to feel I am dying,
but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not to listen to me
when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you suggest? Should I
tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle something similar?

I'm not sure, but maybe it would help to turn the question around, and
ask, What would you want to have happen instead? Think of different
scenarios, ideal, and practical. Then look at what it would take to
close the gap between the different possibilities, and the situation you
have now.

I hope this doesn't sound patronising, because it isn't intended to be.
This is the kind of thing I do when I have hard problems to solve.

Thanks for
listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am going, I
kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see a big shot
on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever except my liver
many years ago.

You don't need to answer this if you don't want to, but I wonder if you
are a candidate for a liver transplant, and also if your father would be
a compatible donor.

"Teilhard Knight" <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:604uo0F1n223vU1@mid.individual.net...

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is
that my father does not even want to even hear about it, He phones
every day, and he always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I
have always replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I
am well, so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside
like he gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of
character in him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle
this, I get mad at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same
everyday is getting on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it
is a form in which he protects himself from the grief that would be to
feel I am dying, but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not
to listen to me when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you
suggest? Should I tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle
something similar?

Seems to me your father cannot bear to face this. He may also be angry.
I imagine the thought of outliving your own child gives birth to a
unique kind of heartbreak. Maybe, and especially at his age, the only
way he knows to cope with this is to pretend your time with him is not
coming to an end. I wonder if giving him what he wants by not talking
about it again could be your final act of love and kindness as a son.
Otoh it is your illness and your feelings and needs matter just as much.
Perhaps that's the answer. Decide whose needs are more important then
make your decision from there.

Thanks for
listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am going, I
kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see a big shot
on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever except my liver
many years ago.

You seem to be at peace with this, but there is always room for hope, so
it is my wish that you will not give in or give up just yet. You never
know what's possible. And I'm sorry, but I just can't "not" feel sorrow
over this post and there it is. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

"Teilhard Knight" <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:604uo0F1n223vU1@mid.individual.net...

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is
that my father does not even want to even hear about it, He phones
every day, and he always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I
have always replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I
am well, so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside
like he gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of
character in him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle
this, I get mad at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same
everyday is getting on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it
is a form in which he protects himself from the grief that would be to
feel I am dying, but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not
to listen to me when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you
suggest? Should I tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle
something similar? Thanks for listening, and please do not feel sorrow
for me because I am going, I kind of like it, and furthermore, on March
I am going to see a big shot on liver diseases who told me I would die
from whatever except my liver many years ago.

--
Teilhard Knight

The Extraterrestrial
I'm not screwed up......It's all in my mind

I'm really sorry to read this Teil, I suggest that you handle it best
the way that makes your life more pleasant. I mean to say, if he
doesn't want to hear it and it upsets you when he calls, then I wouldn't
take the calls. If I was told I had four years left I would make sure
the people who make me miserable are far enough away from me so that I
may enjoy what time I have left. Make peace with you, let him worry
about his own peace.

Jane

"Teilhard Knight" <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:604uo0F1n223vU1@mid.individual.net...

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is
that my father does not even want to even hear about it, He phones
every day, and he always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I
have always replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I
am well, so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside
like he gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of
character in him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle
this, I get mad at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same
everyday is getting on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it
is a form in which he protects himself from the grief that would be to
feel I am dying, but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not
to listen to me when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you
suggest? Should I tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle
something similar? Thanks for listening, and please do not feel sorrow
for me because I am going, I kind of like it, and furthermore, on March
I am going to see a big shot on liver diseases who told me I would die
from whatever except my liver many years ago.

Teil, i can't help but wonder if perhaps your dad calls so often in
hopes that you've mysteriously been cured. or discovered that your
doctor was wrong. perhaps he is clinging to the hope that your doc was
wrong, and so he calls each day hoping to hear you say, "guess what,
dad! the doc was wrong!" IMO, as a parent, that is what i would hope
each day.

i can imagine that it is difficult to deal with his denial, but you
must. it isn't going to change, hun. not at this late date. so you
need a different plan. doing the same thing with your dad on the phone
each day isn't changing a thing, is it? no...so you need to do
something different. a new tactic. perhaps no discussion of your health
at all. or each morning you could think of what topic you'd like to
discuss with your dad, and direct his attention there. something "safe"
and not anger inducing.

if you continue to make comments to him like, "well, i'm only going to
say what you want to hear..." well, that isn't really going to change
anything, hun. it's up to you. :)

i'm so sorry to know that this is happening in your life, and i'm sorry
that your wife is worried over losing you. i know we are truly *all*
terminal, but it has to be extra scary when the doctor actually puts a
time limit on it. i sure hope the new doc has more encouraging news for
you.

i'm glad you told us, teil. % loves to give you a hard time and you
give as good as you get from him, but when it comes down to the real
"stuff" in life, he gets it...ya know?

:)

love you, teil man!

~cindy

"Teilhard Knight" <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:604uo0F1n223vU1@mid.individual.net... |I never meant to post about
this, because I do not trust this info will | not be used by people like
% to try to make damage, but I need urgent | feedback from you about a
serious matter. My last visit (in November) to | my gastro reveled,
according to him, that I am in the terminal stages of | my cirrhosis and
told me that according with statistical data, I have a | life expectancy
of 4 years. That's not what worries me, believe me; I | kind of fancy
the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is that my father | does not
even want to even hear about it, He phones every day, and he | always
asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I have always replied |
something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I am well, so, I am |
well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside like he gives a |
damn about me, and has been a constant trait of character in him since I
| remember. Now, I do not know how to handle this, I get mad at him and
I | cannot avoid it. So, standing the same everyday is getting on my
nerves | real badly. I understand that maybe it is a form in which he
protects | himself from the grief that would be to feel I am dying, but
I just | cannot stand him with his stubbornness not to listen to me when
I tell | him I am seriously ill. So, what do you suggest? Should I tell
him not to | phone again? or how do you handle something similar? Thanks
for | listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am
going, I | kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see
a big shot | on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever
except my liver | many years ago.
|
| --
| Teilhard Knight
|
| The Extraterrestrial
| I'm not screwed up......It's all in my mind


Teil there is nothing I can say, except that my throuths are with you.

SvsS

On 28 Jan 2008 02:59:13 GMT, Teilhard Knight <teilhk@privacy.net> wrote:

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November) to
my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal stages of
my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical data, I have a
life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me, believe me; I
kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is that my father
does not even want to even hear about it, He phones every day, and he
always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I have always replied
something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I am well, so, I am
well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside like he gives a
damn about me, and has been a constant trait of character in him since I
remember. Now, I do not know how to handle this, I get mad at him and I
cannot avoid it. So, standing the same everyday is getting on my nerves
real badly. I understand that maybe it is a form in which he protects
himself from the grief that would be to feel I am dying, but I just
cannot stand him with his stubbornness not to listen to me when I tell
him I am seriously ill. So, what do you suggest? Should I tell him not
to phone again? or how do you handle something similar? Thanks for
listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am going, I
kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see a big shot
on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever except my liver
many years ago.

I think he has heard you and understands. He calls you every day, and I
could be wrong, but to me that means that on some level he is worried
and he cares. Maybe he is just having a difficult time dealing with the
idea of losing you.

I hope that specialist can help you, Teil. Don't give up on yourself.
Jeanne

On Jan 27, 9:59 pm, Teilhard Knight <tei...@privacy.net> wrote:
Thanks for

listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am going, I
kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see a big shot
on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever except my liver
many years ago.

--
Teilhard Knight

Hi Teil. We wish you well...



-"Jordy"

On Jan 27, 9:59 pm, Teilhard Knight <tei...@privacy.net> wrote:

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is
that my father does not even want to even hear about it, He phones
every day, and he always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I
have always replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I
am well, so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside
like he gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of
character in him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle
this, I get mad at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same
everyday is getting on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it
is a form in which he protects himself from the grief that would be to
feel I am dying, but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not
to listen to me when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you
suggest? Should I tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle
something similar? Thanks for listening, and please do not feel sorrow
for me because I am going, I kind of like it, and furthermore, on March
I am going to see a big shot on liver diseases who told me I would die
from whatever except my liver many years ago.

--
Teilhard Knight

The Extraterrestrial
I'm not screwed up......It's all in my mind

Hi,
I get that kind of stuff from my parents all the time. i would not
advise telling him not to phone again. If he phones that often, he
obviously does care about you. Just can't handle it. It may help you to
try to understand from his point of view. Which is probably the last
thing you want to hear. He cares, he just doesn't know how to deal with
emotional stuff, is my guess. That generation. My dad never knows what
to say to me. This can be true for people with relatively good
relationships with their parents too. Do you love him, care about him?

On Jan 28, 1:59 pm, Teilhard Knight <tei...@privacy.net> wrote:

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November) to=
my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal stages of=
my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical data, I have a
life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me, believe me; I
kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is that my father
does not even want to even hear about it, He phones every day, and he
always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I have always replied=
something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I am well, so, I am
well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside like he gives a
damn about me, and has been a constant trait of character in him since I=
remember. Now, I do not know how to handle this, I get mad at him and I
cannot avoid it. So, standing the same everyday is getting on my nerves
real badly. I understand that maybe it is a form in which he protects
himself from the grief that would be to feel I am dying, but I just
cannot stand him with his stubbornness not to listen to me when I tell
him I am seriously ill. So, what do you suggest? Should I tell him not t=

phone again? or how do you handle something similar? Thanks for
listening, and please do not feel sorrow for me because I am going, I
kind of like it, and furthermore, on March I am going to see a big shot
on liver diseases who told me I would die from whatever except my liver
many years ago.

I guess it's like lung cancer, you just never know what
is going to happen. I give my liver a serious workout and
expect it to fail by the time I'm 60. I'm OK with that.

Everyone has to die of something. I've made a decision
on what that will be. I don't want to be a 90 year old
with 10 different types of cancer, although has all the
right diet, only drinks tea (yawn).

Smoking and heart disease are the biggest ways
out there. I'm anorexic and don't smoke, but I drink.

So, I've also got one of the big three. I think it will
take some time to kill me though.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

On Jan 28, 1:59 pm, Teilhard Knight <tei...@privacy.net> wrote:

I never meant to post about this, because I do not trust this info will
not be used by people like % to try to make damage, but I need urgent
feedback from you about a serious matter. My last visit (in November)
to my gastro reveled, according to him, that I am in the terminal
stages of my cirrhosis and told me that according with statistical
data, I have a life expectancy of 4 years. That's not what worries me,
believe me; I kind of fancy the idea of an ultimate rest. The point is
that my father does not even want to even hear about it, He phones
every day, and he always asks; 'how are you?', and from some time on I
have always replied something along the lines: 'well you want to hear I
am well, so, I am well'. This is some kind of denial which feels inside
like he gives a damn about me, and has been a constant trait of
character in him since I remember. Now, I do not know how to handle
this, I get mad at him and I cannot avoid it. So, standing the same
everyday is getting on my nerves real badly. I understand that maybe it
is a form in which he protects himself from the grief that would be to
feel I am dying, but I just cannot stand him with his stubbornness not
to listen to me when I tell him I am seriously ill. So, what do you
suggest? Should I tell him not to phone again? or how do you handle
something similar? Thanks for listening, and please do not feel sorrow
for me because I am going, I kind of like it, and furthermore, on March
I am going to see a big shot on liver diseases who told me I would die
from whatever except my liver many years ago.

I guess it's like lung cancer, you just never know what is going to
happen. I give my liver a serious workout and expect it to fail by the
time I'm 60. I'm OK with that.

Everyone has to die of something. I've made a decision on what that will
be. I don't want to be a 90 year old with 10 different types of cancer,
although has all the right diet, only drinks tea (yawn).

Smoking and heart disease are the biggest ways out there. I'm anorexic
and don't smoke, but I drink.

So, I've also got one of the big three. I think it will take some time
to kill me though.