Dear God,

Today I felt real bad; useless, ugly, unfunny, unlovable and unloved.
Then my oldest son called, just to talk. He called me three times
today and let me talk to my grandsons. Then tonight I talked to my
youngest son online, and last night, he was online when I was feeling
really bad and told me how much he loved me, how lucky he feels
himself to be because I'm his mother.

And just now, Lord, my middle son called me and started crying,
telling me he hasn't worked in two weeks, doesn't have money for
Christmas, hates the world, wants to die, wants to hurt the people
who've hurt him. He was driving on snowy roads as he talked to me,
crying, upset, and he went into a ditch. You gave me all the right
words, God; all the things he needed to hear, I was able to say.

I told him how much he is loved, how his father and his brothers and
his child and his girlfriend think he is wonderful and good. I told
him how proud of him I am. I reminded him to breathe through what
he's feeling, to keep breathing, to use the energy of his anger in
positive, good ways. I told him to do exercises, to write poetry or
song lyrics, to live second-by-second if that's what it took, to get
through what he was feeling. And I made him laugh by saying something
funny. I thank you, Lord, for giving me the life experiences to help
me help my son, for letting me be a survivor of depression and
suicidal ideation so I could help my child find a way to live through
what he's going through.

Then I silently prayed for you to help him out of that ditch, to get
him home safely. He's out of the ditch and says he'll call me when he
gets home. He's not crying now, though he is still angry. I pray
that you'll give me more words to help him. I pray that you'll let me
pass a little of the comfort and strength I get from you on to him. I
pray to you in thanksgiving of all i've lived through, all I've felt,
all I've endured so that I can be here when he needs me. I thank you
for the love of my children. I thank you for loving me when I'm
unlovable and feel bad and useless and unfunny. I thank you for my
life.

love,

denise