| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"shaolin punk" |
| Date: |
20 Jan 2005 06:06:07 PM |
| Object: |
Thanks to all who replied. |
Most everyday seems like I hit a brick wall no matter where I turn and my
creator is noticeably absent.
The futility of my life is exasperating. I am the one accountable for
imbueing my life with meaning, not God, but I am running short on the stuff
you use to imbue meaning with. (Damn, what an awkward sentence!) You
cannot buy it at a store. I've tried. You can't find it loving others.
I've tried that too. My prayers are as arid as the desert. Spiritually, I
feel dead.
It just seems like there ought to be more to life than just plodding
through from womb to the grave. I'm at a very low place right now. I hope
it will pass but it seems I've been feeling this way for more than two
decades now. I know I have my happier moments, but even those are tinged
with undercurrents of despair.
I honestly appreciate all who replied. It's hard to know what to say to
someone who appears unconsolable.
--
shaolin punk
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| User: "%" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks to all who replied. |
20 Jan 2005 06:29:27 PM |
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"shaolin punk" <shaolin_punk@zen.com> wrote in message
news:ZGFya3plbg==.4ed52255a7a26f7e8b13a244d8dc9956@1106265967.nulluser.com...
: Most everyday seems like I hit a brick wall no matter where I turn and my
: creator is noticeably absent.
:
: The futility of my life is exasperating. I am the one accountable for
: imbueing my life with meaning, not God, but I am running short on the stuff
: you use to imbue meaning with. (Damn, what an awkward sentence!) You
: cannot buy it at a store. I've tried. You can't find it loving others.
: I've tried that too. My prayers are as arid as the desert. Spiritually, I
: feel dead.
:
: It just seems like there ought to be more to life than just plodding
: through from womb to the grave. I'm at a very low place right now. I hope
: it will pass but it seems I've been feeling this way for more than two
: decades now. I know I have my happier moments, but even those are tinged
: with undercurrents of despair.
:
: I honestly appreciate all who replied. It's hard to know what to say to
: someone who appears unconsolable.
: --
: shaolin punk
:
:
my pleasure , now pardon me while i gulp my beverage
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| User: "howard" |
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| Title: confused and down |
20 Jan 2005 11:52:14 PM |
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I know what you mean, but usually it can be attributed to something, whether
it be(brain) chemical, emotional or whatever it is you're angry about or
afraid to face. Either way, in my experience," it " has to do with what
bothers me and that consequently manifests itself mentally or physically. I
know what I'm talking about because I've been dealing with feelings of doom
and a death like sadness since I was a child. "Why?!" Well as a child I knew
I didn't like my strict father and nurturing mother who stood by. Yet they
almost always seemed normal. But my life in general was generally desperate
and fearful, always obstructed by unwanted thoughts of pain and misery which
I nurtured out of curiosty because I thought why should I be afraid of
myself. So here I am now at 29 dealing with serious doubt about my future. I
make $9.50 an hour delivering auto parts and always think about a better
life. "Who wouldn't?" We'll, I've had a serious sexual orientation crisis
since I was 15 and that hasn't changed and I've been majorly without a sense
of hope or happiness since my drug use of psychedelics and weed between the
ages of 15 and 17. Many have told me to get over it but I've been harrased
in the workplace and other miscellaneous venues for being gay. I'm not
efeminent so I didn't understand why this was happening. And I had the song
lyrics of Mr.Bungle in my head where I believed they were talking about me
while I was on acid and that has haunted me for years because the friends I
called friends were making homosexual innuendos toward me. I went into a
swirling depression which has gone to the point of major social anxiety. I
knew I was already depressed from time to time as a younger person but now I
have two different forms of depression. A natural one coupled with a
circumstantial one. I've gotten so use to it for the last 12 years that
whenever I've had an opportunity to get better I shun it. I scared to let go
of the pain. It's up to me to get better and have a better life. So I took
up drinking and that has been a 50/50 sometimes 90/10 success but obviously
that's not the way to go. Depressed in California. Thanks for reading if you
did. To a happy life.
"shaolin punk" <shaolin_punk@zen.com> wrote in message
news:ZGFya3plbg==.4ed52255a7a26f7e8b13a244d8dc9956@1106265967.nulluser.com...
Most everyday seems like I hit a brick wall no matter where I turn and my
creator is noticeably absent.
The futility of my life is exasperating. I am the one accountable for
imbueing my life with meaning, not God, but I am running short on the
stuff
you use to imbue meaning with. (Damn, what an awkward sentence!) You
cannot buy it at a store. I've tried. You can't find it loving others.
I've tried that too. My prayers are as arid as the desert. Spiritually,
I
feel dead.
It just seems like there ought to be more to life than just plodding
through from womb to the grave. I'm at a very low place right now. I
hope
it will pass but it seems I've been feeling this way for more than two
decades now. I know I have my happier moments, but even those are tinged
with undercurrents of despair.
I honestly appreciate all who replied. It's hard to know what to say to
someone who appears unconsolable.
--
shaolin punk
.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks to all who replied. |
21 Jan 2005 03:08:52 PM |
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shaolin punk <shaolin_punk@zen.com> wrote:
Most everyday seems like I hit a brick wall...
it will pass but it seems I've been feeling this way for more than two
decades now.
:-(
what to say? it's not easy, that is for sure.
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| User: "Noon Cat Nick" |
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| Title: Re: Thanks to all who replied. |
20 Jan 2005 06:43:49 PM |
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shaolin punk wrote:
Most everyday seems like I hit a brick wall no matter where I turn and my
creator is noticeably absent.
The futility of my life is exasperating. I am the one accountable for
imbueing my life with meaning, not God, but I am running short on the stuff
you use to imbue meaning with. (Damn, what an awkward sentence!) You
cannot buy it at a store. I've tried. You can't find it loving others.
I've tried that too. My prayers are as arid as the desert. Spiritually, I
feel dead.
It just seems like there ought to be more to life than just plodding
through from womb to the grave. I'm at a very low place right now. I hope
it will pass but it seems I've been feeling this way for more than two
decades now. I know I have my happier moments, but even those are tinged
with undercurrents of despair.
Read first
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/8356.htm
then read
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/8357.htm
HTH, FWIW.
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