| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"faex33" |
| Date: |
20 Oct 2007 09:18:58 AM |
| Object: |
The end of the line? |
I feel that one more crisis will leave me devastated. Especially an
economic crisis.
I have managed to have very little in the way of back-up. Should I
lose my job,
I am in big trouble.
I am far away from gettig SSDI and housing support. I have no one
interested
in taking me in.
My first major bout of depression was caused by the fear of not being
able to support
myself. A premonition.
I blame no one but myself.
So I will go to the office on a Saturday and try my best to catch up.
It seems like do or die. The end of the line.
I enjoyed ending my lurker status in ASD yestreday.
It helped a great deal to communicate with people here.
And it was fun at times.
I needed a break from all this fear.
I thank all of those who welcomed me here.
It did help.
Larry
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
20 Oct 2007 09:55:48 AM |
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faex33 wrote...
I feel that one more crisis will leave me devastated.
Especially an economic crisis.
I have managed to have very little in the way of back-up.
Should I lose my job,
I am in big trouble.
I am far away from gettig SSDI and housing support. I have
no one interested
in taking me in.
My first major bout of depression was caused by the fear of
not being able to support
myself. A premonition.
I blame no one but myself.
So I will go to the office on a Saturday and try my best to
catch up. It seems like do or die. The end of the line.
I enjoyed ending my lurker status in ASD yestreday.
It helped a great deal to communicate with people here.
And it was fun at times.
I needed a break from all this fear.
I thank all of those who welcomed me here.
It did help.
Larry
Good luck with it, Larry. I hope that working on Saturday
helps to allay at least some of your fear. I can't get SSDI,
either, but luckily bought into long-term disability insurance
a few months before getting sick. It's not much money, but it
helps.
I wonder whether your fear of not being able to support
yourself caused your depression, or was a sign of the
depression in its early stages.
Do you have insurance? Are you on meds or seeing a therapist?
It can help. If no insurance, there are sliding-scale fee
places available. Therapy with a good therp can make a big
difference.
-lisa
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| User: "faex33" |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
20 Oct 2007 02:53:19 PM |
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On Oct 20, 10:55 am, "lisa in mass." <mcc...@rcn.com> wrote:
faex33 wrote...
I feel that one more crisis will leave me devastated.
Especially an economic crisis.
I have managed to have very little in the way of back-up.
Should I lose my job,
I am in big trouble.
I am far away from gettig SSDI and housing support. I have
no one interested
in taking me in.
My first major bout of depression was caused by the fear of
not being able to support
myself. A premonition.
I blame no one but myself.
So I will go to the office on a Saturday and try my best to
catch up. It seems like do or die. The end of the line.
I enjoyed ending my lurker status in ASD yestreday.
It helped a great deal to communicate with people here.
And it was fun at times.
I needed a break from all this fear.
I thank all of those who welcomed me here.
It did help.
Larry
Good luck with it, Larry. I hope that working on Saturday
helps to allay at least some of your fear. I can't get SSDI,
either, but luckily bought into long-term disability insurance
a few months before getting sick. It's not much money, but it
helps.
I wonder whether your fear of not being able to support
yourself caused your depression, or was a sign of the
depression in its early stages.
Do you have insurance? Are you on meds or seeing a therapist?
It can help. If no insurance, there are sliding-scale fee
places available. Therapy with a good therp can make a big
difference.
-lisa- Hide quoted text -
- Show quoted text -
I pretty much supported myself for many years
There was always the need for occasional financial assistance from
family.
When I tired to change occupations I had a terrible time
and was out of work for a year. I seemed inept for any other
endeavor.
I had some money from an inheritance, not a King's Ransom but enough
for a year.
That period of time out of work kicked off my first Major Depression.
(I have been agoraphobic since age 17)
I had been looking for medication to help with anxiety through the
years
and never found anti-depressant that worked. I fornd Parnate, then
switched
to Nardil. Nardil realy cut through the heavy depressive symptoms
like a knife but
my return to my profession has not gone well and that was in 2000.
I have lost jobs, not been able to find work for extended periods of
time.
had to move home at age 53. Went to Vietnam at the invitation of ny
brother in 2/.2007.
Was feeling very good. Stopped the Nardil. A bit premature.
Vietnam was a disaster. When I restarted the Nardil, I discovered to
my dismay that
I had an allergic reaction to it.
Returned but with no place to leave. Almost on the streets.
Found this job in Holyoke which is going so-so. Based on my
evaluation.
Today I found a scathing memo from my boss when I logged in.
She has actually been supportive. People know I arrived at the job a
very difficult time
for a new employee. I think ALWAYS would have found this job a real
challenge.
But my perfomance has not been what I perceive will carry me through
the
porbation period..
.
My insurance will become effective on 11/1 and I will look
for a new PCP and new shrink out here. Assuming I am still here.
Trying to deal with Depression with no meds is something I would
never
suggest to anyone.
Klonopine is for Panic Disorder.
I try to look at what I do not well and make changes but..
I feel like I have been trending downwards for years.
And I was never quite right to begin with.
Lisa , thanks for your concern, your questions and suggestions. They
were all good.
I do not want to die. Today I have no desire to kill myself.
It has been an option for months but I do not want to hurt anyone
else and
today I feel cowardly.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
22 Oct 2007 02:15:43 PM |
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faex33 <Larryredux@gmail.com> wrote:
I feel that one more crisis will leave me devastated.
Especially an economic crisis.
So I will go to the office on a Saturday and try my best to
catch up. It seems like do or die. The end of the line.
It's after Saturday I think. What are the issues at work?
I enjoyed ending my lurker status in ASD yestreday.
I needed a break from all this fear.
Fear is deadly.
There was always the need for occasional financial assistance from
family.
Yup. That's demoralizing, from my experience.
to Nardil. Nardil realy cut through the heavy depressive symptoms
like a knife but
That shows there's a biological component.
Was feeling very good. Stopped the Nardil. A bit premature.
Vietnam was a disaster. When I restarted the Nardil, I discovered to
my dismay that
I had an allergic reaction to it.
Returned but with no place to leave. Almost on the streets.
Oh oh. You need a pdoc consultation. Any leads on how to
get one?
Found this job in Holyoke which is going so-so. Based on my
evaluation.
Today I found a scathing memo from my boss when I logged in.
Not good, I know the feeling.
My insurance will become effective on 11/1 and I will look
for a new PCP and new shrink out here. Assuming I am still here.
I hope you are. Might be worth a real push, including asking
for financial assistance right now, looks like a crisis.
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| User: "mighty mouse" |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
20 Oct 2007 08:25:15 PM |
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faex33 wrote:
On Oct 20, 10:55 am, "lisa in mass." <mcc...@rcn.com> wrote:
faex33 wrote...
Hi Larry,
Firstly, welcome out of lurkerdom! :)
I can really relate to your problems with your problems with your job.
I'd been fired from or encouraged to leave three previous jobs. I
started my current job about 16 months ago, and I'm really having a hard
time coping with the workload. I've had to work Saturdays several times
(I'm the only staff member who has had to do that) just to keep up, and
although my bosses are very supportive most of the time, I'm absolutely
terrified every time I'm behind, or get any criticism of my work, that
I'm about to lose my job.
That fear contributes to my depression and anxiety disorders, and it
makes it very hard to plan for the future.
If I do lose this job, it will be very hard for me to pick up the
pieces, because this is really one of the best jobs someone in my
industry (legal admin) could have, with a great employer. If I lose
this job it will probably mean a change of industry (probably back to
retail) and a huge hit to my self esteem and confidence.
I can really understand the feeling of desperation and feeling like
losing one more job is the final straw and time to give up. I've been
there before and I really fear I'll be there again soon. But believe
me, with the right help from family, friends and in my case a supportive
therapist, it has been possible to pick up the pieces and keep going.
Feel free to email me if you'd like (remove the NOSPAM) and keep posting.
Kylie
Melbourne, Australia.
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| User: "thegathaterra" |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
21 Oct 2007 12:24:22 AM |
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"mighty mouse" <mousieNOSPAM9947@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ffe9pq$rth$1@aioe.org...
faex33 wrote:
On Oct 20, 10:55 am, "lisa in mass." <mcc...@rcn.com> wrote:
faex33 wrote...
Hi Larry,
Firstly, welcome out of lurkerdom! :)
I can really relate to your problems with your problems with your job. I'd
been fired from or encouraged to leave three previous jobs. I started my
current job about 16 months ago, and I'm really having a hard time coping
with the workload. I've had to work Saturdays several times (I'm the only
staff member who has had to do that) just to keep up, and although my
bosses are very supportive most of the time, I'm absolutely terrified
every time I'm behind, or get any criticism of my work, that I'm about to
lose my job.
That fear contributes to my depression and anxiety disorders, and it makes
it very hard to plan for the future.
If I do lose this job, it will be very hard for me to pick up the pieces,
because this is really one of the best jobs someone in my industry (legal
admin) could have, with a great employer. If I lose this job it will
probably mean a change of industry (probably back to retail) and a huge
hit to my self esteem and confidence.
I can really understand the feeling of desperation and feeling like losing
one more job is the final straw and time to give up. I've been there
before and I really fear I'll be there again soon. But believe me, with
the right help from family, friends and in my case a supportive therapist,
it has been possible to pick up the pieces and keep going.
Feel free to email me if you'd like (remove the NOSPAM) and keep posting.
Kylie
Melbourne, Australia.
I'd rather try and work in the fitness industry and be my own boss. At the
moment I value days when I have no bookings or Taekwondo commitments. Gives
me a chance to rest and catch up on chores, (yuck).
It is a bit hard to sack yourself. I know I wouldn't employ me if I had a
choice.
Lynne
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| User: "faex33" |
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| Title: Re: The end of the line? |
21 Oct 2007 12:53:33 AM |
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On Oct 20, 9:25 pm, mighty mouse <mousieNOSPAM9...@hotmail.com> wrote:
faex33 wrote:
On Oct 20, 10:55 am, "lisa in mass." <mcc...@rcn.com> wrote:
faex33 wrote...
Hi Larry,
Firstly, welcome out of lurkerdom! :)
I can really relate to your problems with your problems with your job.
I'd been fired from or encouraged to leave three previous jobs. I
started my current job about 16 months ago, and I'm really having a hard
time coping with the workload. I've had to work Saturdays several times
(I'm the only staff member who has had to do that) just to keep up, and
although my bosses are very supportive most of the time, I'm absolutely
terrified every time I'm behind, or get any criticism of my work, that
I'm about to lose my job.
That fear contributes to my depression and anxiety disorders, and it
makes it very hard to plan for the future.
If I do lose this job, it will be very hard for me to pick up the
pieces, because this is really one of the best jobs someone in my
industry (legal admin) could have, with a great employer. If I lose
this job it will probably mean a change of industry (probably back to
retail) and a huge hit to my self esteem and confidence.
I can really understand the feeling of desperation and feeling like
losing one more job is the final straw and time to give up. I've been
there before and I really fear I'll be there again soon. But believe
me, with the right help from family, friends and in my case a supportive
therapist, it has been possible to pick up the pieces and keep going.
Feel free to email me if you'd like (remove the NOSPAM) and keep posting.
Kylie
Melbourne, Australia.
Lord almighty, Kylie, you have expressed a
great deal of what I actually feel. I was stunned to read your post.
Thank you
I have three e-mails waiting for responses that arrived yesterday and
today from
family and one friend who would have a hard time dealing with my real
feelings.
I have put off responding. i don't like to take the honorable route
and lie and say
everything is fine. I don't like to lie much, That's a weakness you
know
LOL a real charcter flaw. Smart clever people lie. I tend to omit
things
My friend from Santos, Brazil is really counting on me to give her
positive energy.
She wanted to know what I now do on weekends, how the is job going.
etc
expecting good news. Needing good news. She wrote as much.
I am the one person who writes her with positive energy. Sure,
positive energy but I write about her
for her. I don't brag about non-existent successes and I do not
enage in self-pity.
It's ok to be depressed but wallowing in self-pity is not fair.
She becomes very worrried when I am not doing well. Not matter what
is happening
she tries to come up with solutions.
I will take you up on your offer about corresponding.
I just read what you wrote for a 3rd time and I simply have to shake
my head.
Yes, you certainly can related very well to what I am feeling
Thanks again
.
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