| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"skubik" |
| Date: |
13 Oct 2004 06:03:40 AM |
| Object: |
Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock (sp: Rant) |
The end of my month-long 'downtime' as prescribed by my doctor, is
coming to an end. On Friday, the 15th, I'm supposed to be heading back
to work in the hellish call centre that sparked the massive depressive
crash I experienced mid last month that left me next to suicidal after a
quick-switch from Wellbutrin to Paxil, and back. The switch to Paxil was
to help calm nerves about work. I was literally having panic attacks,
albeit small ones, that rendered me practically useless to the job I was
in. I was a SERIOUS mess back then. After taking some time off, I cannot
say that I'm *much* better than I was before, but I'm a few pegs above
where I was when I left work.
However, this being the capitalist world it is... there are financial
'responsibilities' to attend to. And upon leaving work a month ago, I
was under the impression that everything would be fine. Tight, but fine.
I was told that I could apply for short-term disability if I got a
doctor to fill out their application form. So I did, at cost to me of
$60.00. But I was told that considering the circumstance, that
everything should be fine and I won't have to worry about getting paid
at the end of the month. So imagine my surprize when I recieve a
registered letter form work a few weeks ago saying that my application
was REJECTED! No EI coverage for Shawneepoo it would seem. Luckily I
had come across some money from an insurance claim for a root canal I
had around the same time I left work. But the well doesn't stay full
forever. Now I'm looking down the barrel of having to go back to that
hellish place and run the risk of complete mental breakdown (again) just
to pay my bills, or TRY and find new or temporary work in the next few
days so I can at LEAST make my rent and car payments.
Sadest part of the whole thing is, less than 24 Hours ago, it wasn't
such a panic. I was applied for some other jobs right after I started on
my month 'stress leave', and even got a few interviews. Both are more in
my 'field' (computers) and one was at the recommendation of a family
friend! I thought I had an in there. I would have taken a paycut, but
was okay with the idea of trading some $/Hr for happiness/Hr. I went,
they got me to do some 'hands on' stuff, changing power supplies and
such, and did it exceedingly well and quickly. Everything went great! I
thought I was in! But then a week went by and I didn't hear from them,
so I called them Friday. No response. I emailed him directly over the
weekend... nothing. I finally called the guys cell today and he informed
he they were looking for someone with more 'experience' working inside a
system. My heart dropped directly into my stomach. What's worse, I had
him tell me this while I was sitting in the parkinglot outside a
restaurant where I was meeting my Dad & girlfriend and my brother for an
'emergency' lunch to celebrate my Dad's upcoming retirement. Needless to
say, I couldn't eat. Even the Coke didn't agree with me (for me, that's
strange).
Luckily the interview for the other place I applied to had gone even
better. Only problem is that the job starts January 1st. I was kinda
looking for something starting Monday. But there's still a possibility
of that coming down the pipe. They will call me in a few weeks if I've
been shortlisted for that one. And I KNOW that that would be my 'dream
job'. Just sitting in the place during the interview... it just 'felt'
right there. But ya know what... for as badly as I want that job, I
seriously doubt that I'm going to get it. That's just the relentless
pessimist inside me trying to protect myself from certain inevitability.
The law of this 'world' is that nothing that I ever want, will ever
happen. I don't understand why this is, but it is. It has been for
years, at least 10 years I've noticed this disturbing natural law
plaguing my every move, and every thought.
I cannot go back to that call centre. It will kill me. It almost already
did. Never have I felt a single place so void of compassion. Nothing but
constant arguing everywhere you go. The agents taking the calls are just
as vicious as the customers calling in. It is a rechid place, smoldering
with negative energy injected directly into your skull, through headsets
that tether you to your computer like an untamed beast, or a sacrificial
lamb, depending on your personality. Baaaaaaaaaah.
I keep a daily calendar on my desk. Each day has a fortune cookie on it
and usually tells you something insightful. It has spooked me several
times before throughout the year. Today's was no different: "Of all the
strategies, knowing when to quit may be the best." Do I stay there, or
do I quit and move on. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
- Shawn.
.
|
|
| User: "Mz. R.e" |
|
| Title: Re: Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock (sp: Rant) |
15 Oct 2004 12:20:28 PM |
|
|
On Wed, 13 Oct 2004 11:03:40 GMT, skubik <vkube@yahoo.com> wrote:
Quit.
Your story could be mine except for a few details.
You are right, you cannot go back there.
quit.
Mz.r.e.
I keep a daily calendar on my desk. Each day has a fortune cookie on it
and usually tells you something insightful. It has spooked me several
times before throughout the year. Today's was no different: "Of all the
strategies, knowing when to quit may be the best." Do I stay there, or
do I quit and move on. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
- Shawn.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Contrarian" |
|
| Title: Re: Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock (sp: Rant) |
13 Oct 2004 01:30:56 PM |
|
|
skubik <vkube@yahoo.com> wrote:
The end of my month-long 'downtime' as prescribed by my doctor, is
coming to an end. On Friday, the 15th, I'm supposed to be heading back
to work in the hellish call centre...
glad to hear from you sk.
registered letter form work a few weeks ago saying that my application
was REJECTED!
bummer
Sadest part of the whole thing is, less than 24 Hours ago, it wasn't
such a panic.
job search "panic" is "normal" and it must be worse for you
Luckily the interview for the other place I applied to had gone even
better. Only problem is that the job starts January 1st.
hmm hmmm
right there. But ya know what... for as badly as I want that job, I
seriously doubt that I'm going to get it. That's just the relentless
pessimist inside me trying to protect myself from certain inevitability.
I hear all the time "think positively" sometimes it works
wish I has some useful advice on how to do that
I really cannot write up what I think about this, I wish I could.
I cannot go back to that call centre. It will kill me. It almost already
did. Never have I felt a single place so void of compassion. Nothing but
constant arguing everywhere you go. The agents taking the calls are just
as vicious as the customers calling in.
you're not alone, from a thread about a month ago, "OT - technical support"
on news:uk.media.tv.misc (sorry, no cute tiny url ppl) this was not me
I have a lot of patience with IT call-centre and helpdesk workers.
They deal with this sort of weapons-grade stupidity fifty times a
day. And they have no choice but to be nice to you, even though
you're already mad at them because their bosses find it acceptable
to keep you on hold for an hour. I only have to fill-in on helpdesks
very occasionally, and it's always a small, quiet, internal
helpdesk too; but it still drives me batsh*t within an hour.
The premises of h*lldesks, as they are known: the callers don't know
anything, they don't want to know, _we_ (mgmt) don't especially care
that they know... quite pathological ... why anyone tries to provide
tech support over the phone is beyond me anyway
I'm waiting for a book from the library by Messrs. Brown and Duguid,
_ The Social Life of Information _ it seems likely that the help
desk environent is inherently unproductive BUT
that doesn't help your immmediate situation
It is a rechid place, smoldering with negative energy
^^^^^^
wretched?
I keep a daily calendar on my desk. Each day has a fortune cookie on it
and usually tells you something insightful. It has spooked me several
times before throughout the year. Today's was no different: "Of all the
strategies, knowing when to quit may be the best." Do I stay there, or
do I quit and move on. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
I have no especially cogent thoughts on this. I do know it's easier
to get a job when you have a job, almost any job... and I also know
what it's like to be fired from a job that drives one nuts. other
than suggesting you post in some other forum (but I forget the
exact name of the alt.support.tech? one I found earlier) but here's
hoping for better things for you
.
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| User: "skubik" |
|
| Title: Re: Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock (sp: Rant) |
14 Oct 2004 12:10:58 AM |
|
|
Thanks for your words of support. Today has been an especially difficult
day, thanks in part to my GF who decided to bite my head off for being
depressed. It didn't help. However, I had dinner with a close friend
tonight and things in life seem to have come into focus a little bit
better. A buddy of mine mentioned that I *might* be able to work at his
shop for a while (he's a carpenter) if his boss allows. He'll talk to
him tomorrow about that. Kinda a radical departure from what I 'want' to
do, but hey, trades are HUGE right now in Calgary, and I might actually
*like* it. So we'll see how that goes.
As for my Tech Support job. My supervisor called me today and left me a
message asking whether I'm ready to come back. I'll leave a message
stating that I'm not coming back and that I will return all the stuff I
have from them. From a career and financial perspective, it might not be
the best move I can make... but I need to make a move of some kind
otherwise I run the risk of crashing harder than before. And
considering that last time involved serious thoughts of suicide...
that's not something I want to risk. Perhaps if my mental state was
where it was 5 years ago, I could probably do the call centre gig. But
not now. But it's like other things I've tried in the past.. commission
sales specifically, I've learned that if requires a certain personality
in order to 'fit in' into certain jobs. I'm not the personality type for
either commission sales OR tech support/call centre work. The part I
have to deal with is learning to accept that not everyone can do every
job there is out there, and that I need to find something where I 'fit'.
I'd LOVE to be a projectionist again at the theatre, but they're all
unionized here and there's some tough restrictions that must be met to
get in. I was at least fortunate enough to work at a theatre that didn't
have a projectionist at all... it got handled by me and 2 other guys.
That was a fun job.
Anyways, this is far from over, but hopefully the path will lead me to a
life of fulfillment and happiness. :^)
- Shawn.
Contrarian wrote:
skubik <vkube@yahoo.com> wrote:
The end of my month-long 'downtime' as prescribed by my doctor, is
coming to an end. On Friday, the 15th, I'm supposed to be heading back
to work in the hellish call centre...
glad to hear from you sk.
registered letter form work a few weeks ago saying that my application
was REJECTED!
bummer
Sadest part of the whole thing is, less than 24 Hours ago, it wasn't
such a panic.
job search "panic" is "normal" and it must be worse for you
Luckily the interview for the other place I applied to had gone even
better. Only problem is that the job starts January 1st.
hmm hmmm
right there. But ya know what... for as badly as I want that job, I
seriously doubt that I'm going to get it. That's just the relentless
pessimist inside me trying to protect myself from certain inevitability.
I hear all the time "think positively" sometimes it works
wish I has some useful advice on how to do that
I really cannot write up what I think about this, I wish I could.
I cannot go back to that call centre. It will kill me. It almost already
did. Never have I felt a single place so void of compassion. Nothing but
constant arguing everywhere you go. The agents taking the calls are just
as vicious as the customers calling in.
you're not alone, from a thread about a month ago, "OT - technical support"
on news:uk.media.tv.misc (sorry, no cute tiny url ppl) this was not me
I have a lot of patience with IT call-centre and helpdesk workers.
They deal with this sort of weapons-grade stupidity fifty times a
day. And they have no choice but to be nice to you, even though
you're already mad at them because their bosses find it acceptable
to keep you on hold for an hour. I only have to fill-in on helpdesks
very occasionally, and it's always a small, quiet, internal
helpdesk too; but it still drives me batsh*t within an hour.
The premises of h*lldesks, as they are known: the callers don't know
anything, they don't want to know, _we_ (mgmt) don't especially care
that they know... quite pathological ... why anyone tries to provide
tech support over the phone is beyond me anyway
I'm waiting for a book from the library by Messrs. Brown and Duguid,
_ The Social Life of Information _ it seems likely that the help
desk environent is inherently unproductive BUT
that doesn't help your immmediate situation
It is a rechid place, smoldering with negative energy
^^^^^^
wretched?
I keep a daily calendar on my desk. Each day has a fortune cookie on it
and usually tells you something insightful. It has spooked me several
times before throughout the year. Today's was no different: "Of all the
strategies, knowing when to quit may be the best." Do I stay there, or
do I quit and move on. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
I have no especially cogent thoughts on this. I do know it's easier
to get a job when you have a job, almost any job... and I also know
what it's like to be fired from a job that drives one nuts. other
than suggesting you post in some other forum (but I forget the
exact name of the alt.support.tech? one I found earlier) but here's
hoping for better things for you
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Jernau Gurgeh" |
|
| Title: Re: Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock (sp: Rant) |
13 Oct 2004 11:48:25 AM |
|
|
skubik wrote in alt.support.depression:
The end of my month-long 'downtime' as prescribed by my doctor, is
coming to an end. On Friday, the 15th, I'm supposed to be heading back
to work in the hellish call centre that sparked the massive depressive
crash I experienced mid last month that left me next to suicidal after
a quick-switch from Wellbutrin to Paxil, and back. The switch to Paxil
was to help calm nerves about work. I was literally having panic
attacks, albeit small ones, that rendered me practically useless to
the job I was in. I was a SERIOUS mess back then. After taking some
time off, I cannot say that I'm *much* better than I was before, but
I'm a few pegs above where I was when I left work.
However, this being the capitalist world it is... there are financial
'responsibilities' to attend to. And upon leaving work a month ago, I
was under the impression that everything would be fine. Tight, but
fine. I was told that I could apply for short-term disability if I got
a doctor to fill out their application form. So I did, at cost to me
of $60.00. But I was told that considering the circumstance, that
everything should be fine and I won't have to worry about getting paid
at the end of the month. So imagine my surprize when I recieve a
registered letter form work a few weeks ago saying that my application
was REJECTED! No EI coverage for Shawneepoo it would seem. Luckily I
had come across some money from an insurance claim for a root canal I
had around the same time I left work. But the well doesn't stay full
forever. Now I'm looking down the barrel of having to go back to that
hellish place and run the risk of complete mental breakdown (again)
just to pay my bills, or TRY and find new or temporary work in the
next few days so I can at LEAST make my rent and car payments.
Sadest part of the whole thing is, less than 24 Hours ago, it wasn't
such a panic. I was applied for some other jobs right after I started
on my month 'stress leave', and even got a few interviews. Both are
more in my 'field' (computers) and one was at the recommendation of a
family friend! I thought I had an in there. I would have taken a
paycut, but was okay with the idea of trading some $/Hr for
happiness/Hr. I went, they got me to do some 'hands on' stuff,
changing power supplies and such, and did it exceedingly well and
quickly. Everything went great! I thought I was in! But then a week
went by and I didn't hear from them, so I called them Friday. No
response. I emailed him directly over the weekend... nothing. I
finally called the guys cell today and he informed he they were
looking for someone with more 'experience' working inside a system. My
heart dropped directly into my stomach. What's worse, I had him tell
me this while I was sitting in the parkinglot outside a restaurant
where I was meeting my Dad & girlfriend and my brother for an
'emergency' lunch to celebrate my Dad's upcoming retirement. Needless
to say, I couldn't eat. Even the Coke didn't agree with me (for me,
that's strange).
Luckily the interview for the other place I applied to had gone even
better. Only problem is that the job starts January 1st. I was kinda
looking for something starting Monday. But there's still a possibility
of that coming down the pipe. They will call me in a few weeks if I've
been shortlisted for that one. And I KNOW that that would be my 'dream
job'. Just sitting in the place during the interview... it just 'felt'
right there. But ya know what... for as badly as I want that job, I
seriously doubt that I'm going to get it. That's just the relentless
pessimist inside me trying to protect myself from certain
inevitability. The law of this 'world' is that nothing that I ever
want, will ever happen. I don't understand why this is, but it is. It
has been for years, at least 10 years I've noticed this disturbing
natural law plaguing my every move, and every thought.
I cannot go back to that call centre. It will kill me. It almost
already did. Never have I felt a single place so void of compassion.
Nothing but constant arguing everywhere you go. The agents taking the
calls are just as vicious as the customers calling in. It is a rechid
place, smoldering with negative energy injected directly into your
skull, through headsets that tether you to your computer like an
untamed beast, or a sacrificial lamb, depending on your personality.
Baaaaaaaaaah.
I keep a daily calendar on my desk. Each day has a fortune cookie on
it and usually tells you something insightful. It has spooked me
several times before throughout the year. Today's was no different:
"Of all the strategies, knowing when to quit may be the best." Do I
stay there, or do I quit and move on. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
I'd say quit. From what you've posted here I gather that that job is very
bad for you, and that it most likely will induce another crash. Cut your
losses and move on, if that's at all feasible.
Jernau
--
The only failure in life
is the failure to try
.
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