x-no-archive: yes


i hate this natural part of how life is. time is always always moving
forward. nothing lasts. I might have a good day, or a good hour or a

few moments. but they are fleeting. the NEXT DAY is ALWAYS on its way,
ready to bring me more exhaustion, tiredness, confusion, pain, grief.

hurt. crushing me.

why why why why "go on" ? i'm tired, i want to cry, and i am crying a
little. but that lexapro cuts most of it out. and some of the depression.
not all of it. and it does NOT help with the lack of energy, fatigue,
grogginess in the morning or any other time.

most of us are so 'boxed into' our routine. for some of us, i think, we
cannot see that it really does not matter.
okay that's just how i percieve things right now, maybe others do, maybe
not. i dunno ? thats what i think right now.

i'm feeling just a hint of
"wanting out of this crushing thing called life"

so i'll drink some coffee. sleep. eat. read. maybe go for a walk. maybe
i'll goto the freaking saturday evening catholic church service. im not
catholic. im not religious. but i need to hang out where there are other
people and cry. and maybe hear some words of enouragement. rest. relax.
drink some wine. or take some klon. as stupid as that might sound to some
of you. there's a catholic church within walking distance. i want to get
away from family. my soul is bleeding a little.

i hate everything right now, i hate life. but i dont hate any person right
now. i just hate this feeling and life.

i want to die. i dont want to go on. i want to die. but i can't
im doooooooooomed. trapped in this life. i know ive said this *****
before. i feel this way right now.

yeah, last night or early this morning i said, i was feeling kinda better

the moment. well, that was at the moment, and time has moved on. as it
always does.

next week might be very rough. i dont believe i can make it through.

if i cant, i will just let it all go by as i continue to exist.

i dont feel THAT bad right now, just not great.

i dont know.

do i make sense?

gotta try to feel better.

but I cannot face or deal with what lies ahead. im too wrecked to

i also don't know about things like grammer, spelling, etc. they mean
nothing to me. as long as people can understand each other
that's ALL that matters.

oh and btw, ***** YOU, to whoever or whatever invented depression,

pain and exhaustion.

: <

later.


p.s. any replies, please use x-no-archive: yes
i don't want to see my own words in a week or so and feel like *****

of it.



boo freakin wooo

x-no-archive: yes

p.s. any replies, please use x-no-archive: yes
i don't want to see my own words in a week or so and feel like ***** because
of it.

x-no-archive: yes


i hate this natural part of how life is. time is always always moving
forward. nothing lasts. I might have a good day, or a good hour or a good
few moments. but they are fleeting. the NEXT DAY is ALWAYS on its way,
ready to bring me more exhaustion, tiredness, confusion, pain, grief. chaos.
hurt. crushing me.

x-no-archive: yes


i hate this natural part of how life is. time is always
always moving forward. nothing lasts. I might have a
good day, or a good hour or a good few moments. but they
are fleeting. the NEXT DAY is ALWAYS on its way, ready to
bring me more exhaustion, tiredness, confusion, pain,
grief. chaos. hurt. crushing me.

why why why why "go on" ? i'm tired, i want to cry, and
i am crying a little. but that lexapro cuts most of it out.
and some of the depression. not all of it. and it does NOT
help with the lack of energy, fatigue, grogginess in the
morning or any other time.

most of us are so 'boxed into' our routine. for some of us,
i think, we cannot see that it really does not matter.
okay that's just how i percieve things right now, maybe
others do, maybe not. i dunno ? thats what i think right
now.

i'm feeling just a hint of
"wanting out of this crushing thing called life"

so i'll drink some coffee. sleep. eat. read. maybe go for
a walk. maybe i'll goto the freaking saturday evening
catholic church service. im not catholic. im not
religious. but i need to hang out where there are other
people and cry. and maybe hear some words of enouragement.
rest. relax. drink some wine. or take some klon. as stupid
as that might sound to some of you. there's a catholic
church within walking distance. i want to get away from
family. my soul is bleeding a little.

i hate everything right now, i hate life. but i dont hate
any person right now. i just hate this feeling and life.

i want to die. i dont want to go on. i want to die. but
i can't
im doooooooooomed. trapped in this life. i know ive
said this *****
before. i feel this way right now.

yeah, last night or early this morning i said, i was
feeling kinda better at the moment. well, that was at the
moment, and time has moved on. as it always does.

next week might be very rough. i dont believe i can make
it through.

if i cant, i will just let it all go by as i continue to
exist.

i dont feel THAT bad right now, just not great.

i dont know.

do i make sense?

gotta try to feel better.

but I cannot face or deal with what lies ahead. im too
wrecked to function.

i also don't know about things like grammer, spelling, etc.
they mean nothing to me. as long as people can understand
each other that's ALL that matters.

oh and btw, ***** YOU, to whoever or whatever invented
depression, sadness, pain and exhaustion.

: <

later.


p.s. any replies, please use x-no-archive: yes
i don't want to see my own words in a week or so and feel
like ***** because of it.

x-no-archive: yes


i hate this natural part of how life is. time is always always moving
forward. nothing lasts.