Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

i'm having a strange night.

not sure where my head's at. maybe the pill i took
will settle it on one thing. i'll end up suicidal,
self-injurious, or fine. i'm rapidly cycling between
the three. it would be easier if i could just pick one
and deal with it.

sleep's only for the occasional day or night nap, i
think, so that won't help.

just waiting...

I hope you end up feeling fine. I am a little depressed
tonight but I know why. At least external causes are
more bearable than internal ones. If you say you feel
strange, that means that the way you feel is new for
you. Any recent events or new medications you are
trying?

thanks teil. sorry you're not feeling so well.

i'm still 'detoxing' from stopping the antidepressant
i'd been taking for 2 years. lots of side-effects,
physical, emotional, and mental. my emotions are either
way down or numbed out. what scares me is when i start
having strange fragmented thoughts. like whether to die,
hurt myself, or have a 'normal' evening. i have reasons
against suicide, but the other two are viable options. i
still don't know how the night will play out.

Well, if you can choose, choose the third option; to have
a normal evening. But I do not believe it is entirely
your choice. I am sorry you are having a hard time, but
why did you wanted to quit from your anti-depressant?
Which one is it? Anyway, I am confident you wouldn't do
something as crazy as to get done with yourself, but I
worry about you possibly self injurying. I sincerely hope
it doesn't come to that but if the urges come your way,
please do not do it. You are a valuable person who
deserves love instead of SI. Promise you will fight
against the urges should they come?

i'm off my parnate because it wasn't working anymore. i'll
start something else in a week and a half, once the
parnate's all washed out of my system.

i have a safety contract as to what to do before i si.
i'll follow it, even if the end result seems inevitable.
right now i don't care about the si, but will respect the
therps' wishes.

I'm glad about that "safety contract", although I do not
know what it is. It sounds good you respect so much your
therapy and that your therapist has got you under
prevention. I just do not like you do not care about SI. I
think you are a great gal and should love yourself a little
bit more.

thanks teil.

my safety contract is a list of things i have to do before i
si. i have to try to distract myself, use mindfulness
exercises or visualisation, post here where i have support,
then call a crisis line. my therp was going to talk to the
director of the crisis services team to tell them what kind of
support i need. it's got to be somewhere i can talk awhile,
rather than just the 'did you try reading a book?' that i got
last week. the call has to last longer than the 5 minutes some
of the people there offer. then, if that still hasn't helped,
i'm free to si. i do make a good effort, but it doesn't always
work. that's ok. i tried, and it doesn't make that much
difference to me whether i succeed or fail at this point.

sometimes i hate that i need to honor obligations.

Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

Teilhard Knight wrote...

lisa in mass. wrote:

i'm having a strange night.

not sure where my head's at. maybe the pill i took
will settle it on one thing. i'll end up suicidal,
self-injurious, or fine. i'm rapidly cycling between
the three. it would be easier if i could just pick one
and deal with it.

sleep's only for the occasional day or night nap, i
think, so that won't help.

just waiting...

I hope you end up feeling fine. I am a little depressed
tonight but I know why. At least external causes are
more bearable than internal ones. If you say you feel
strange, that means that the way you feel is new for
you. Any recent events or new medications you are
trying?

thanks teil. sorry you're not feeling so well.

i'm still 'detoxing' from stopping the antidepressant
i'd been taking for 2 years. lots of side-effects,
physical, emotional, and mental. my emotions are either
way down or numbed out. what scares me is when i start
having strange fragmented thoughts. like whether to die,
hurt myself, or have a 'normal' evening. i have reasons
against suicide, but the other two are viable options. i
still don't know how the night will play out.

Well, if you can choose, choose the third option; to have
a normal evening. But I do not believe it is entirely
your choice. I am sorry you are having a hard time, but
why did you wanted to quit from your anti-depressant?
Which one is it? Anyway, I am confident you wouldn't do
something as crazy as to get done with yourself, but I
worry about you possibly self injurying. I sincerely hope
it doesn't come to that but if the urges come your way,
please do not do it. You are a valuable person who
deserves love instead of SI. Promise you will fight
against the urges should they come?

i'm off my parnate because it wasn't working anymore. i'll
start something else in a week and a half, once the
parnate's all washed out of my system.

i have a safety contract as to what to do before i si.
i'll follow it, even if the end result seems inevitable.
right now i don't care about the si, but will respect the
therps' wishes.

I'm glad about that "safety contract", although I do not
know what it is. It sounds good you respect so much your
therapy and that your therapist has got you under
prevention. I just do not like you do not care about SI. I
think you are a great gal and should love yourself a little
bit more.

thanks teil.

my safety contract is a list of things i have to do before i
si. i have to try to distract myself, use mindfulness
exercises or visualisation, post here where i have support,
then call a crisis line. my therp was going to talk to the
director of the crisis services team to tell them what kind of
support i need. it's got to be somewhere i can talk awhile,
rather than just the 'did you try reading a book?' that i got
last week. the call has to last longer than the 5 minutes some
of the people there offer. then, if that still hasn't helped,
i'm free to si. i do make a good effort, but it doesn't always
work. that's ok. i tried, and it doesn't make that much
difference to me whether i succeed or fail at this point.

sometimes i hate that i need to honor obligations.