| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"exempt" |
| Date: |
31 May 2005 12:09:31 AM |
| Object: |
try not to... |
....let this change anything, not to let it develop into something that would
make you believe in anything, in a single moment from now till then, from
the time you picked yourself up, the million pieces i left on the ground
because i didn't realize what i was doing and neither did you and it was all
stupid and we'll pretend it never happened at some point in the future
because that's always how it happens, how it works when no one ever wants to
turn around and accept the things they've done as having anything other than
a minimal connection and instead we'll sit down on the porch where i haven't
smoked in years (but i promise i'll pretend) and you'll tell me about the
times you left in between and i'll tell you about the colors i saw in the
blur that's torn me in half ever since, and somehow it will never quite add
up to one story, no matter how hard we try to make it; it will never add up
to something that makes sense because it was never supposed to, it was never
supposed to be combined and that was the failure, that was the part we
screwed up and i don't think i'll ever live it down.
-
i'm sorry for the million times i've fucked up and said i didn't, for the
parts in between where i knew i was doing the wrong thing and kept it going
anyways.
i'm sorry that i never told anyone that.
and i'm sorry for everything i said to you to make you feel like you didn't
matter.
you can take that however you want.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
31 May 2005 09:49:53 AM |
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Its all so unrelsoved I know and when we were in it we couldn't see
anything that we were doing to each other, talk about failure to
comunicate, and then all we are left with is this mountain of
confusion and regret, and if we saw the person again we would still not
have words,,, or we would be to afraid it would not mean anything to
them, the I'm sorry,, the thing the moment we have thought of
everyday, could be gone to them. '
so I don't say it because it would hurt to much if it didn't matter
to them, jill
good writing,
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| User: "exempt" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
01 Jun 2005 03:14:57 AM |
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<janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1117550993.416983.83070@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Its all so unrelsoved I know and when we were in it we couldn't see
anything that we were doing to each other, talk about failure to
comunicate, and then all we are left with is this mountain of
confusion and regret, and if we saw the person again we would still not
have words,,, or we would be to afraid it would not mean anything to
them, the I'm sorry,, the thing the moment we have thought of
everyday, could be gone to them. '
so I don't say it because it would hurt to much if it didn't matter
to them, jill
good writing,
i know it's gone, or at least, i hope it is, but until i can say it, even if
only to myself, i feel unresolved. or maybe, more than unresolved, i feel a
desperate need to simply say it, out loud (since online feels fairly out
loud these days), to someone.
thank you for the way you wrote this, somehow, in a way that i can't
explain, i could understand what you meant.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
01 Jun 2005 10:08:24 AM |
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thank you , what you said here, me too. jill
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
31 May 2005 12:58:20 PM |
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<janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1117550993.416983.83070@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Its all so unrelsoved I know and when we were in it we couldn't see
anything that we were doing to each other, talk about failure to
comunicate, and then all we are left with is this mountain of
confusion and regret, and if we saw the person again we would still not
have words,,, or we would be to afraid it would not mean anything to
them, the I'm sorry,, the thing the moment we have thought of
everyday, could be gone to them. '
so I don't say it because it would hurt to much if it didn't matter
to them, jill
good writing,
Actually it is good writing (you and alvin need to get together, fall in love
and get married, your writing styles are so eerily distinctive yet similar).
Regrets, I've had a few.
Jean
..
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
02 Jun 2005 06:11:56 PM |
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Luna wrote:
<janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1117550993.416983.83070@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Its all so unrelsoved I know and when we were in it we couldn't see
anything that we were doing to each other, talk about failure to
comunicate, and then all we are left with is this mountain of
confusion and regret, and if we saw the person again we would still not
have words,,, or we would be to afraid it would not mean anything to
them, the I'm sorry,, the thing the moment we have thought of
everyday, could be gone to them. '
so I don't say it because it would hurt to much if it didn't matter
to them, jill
good writing,
Actually it is good writing (you and alvin need to get together, fall in love
and get married, your writing styles are so eerily distinctive yet similar).
Regrets, I've had a few.
Jean
I'm a big fan of Jill's...she's one of those people who's "soul"
just comes through in their posts...
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "Luna" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
02 Jun 2005 06:16:26 PM |
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<relayer211@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1117753916.136581.244150@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
Luna wrote:
<janeohara50@msn.com> wrote in message
news:1117550993.416983.83070@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
Its all so unrelsoved I know and when we were in it we couldn't see
anything that we were doing to each other, talk about failure to
comunicate, and then all we are left with is this mountain of
confusion and regret, and if we saw the person again we would still not
have words,,, or we would be to afraid it would not mean anything to
them, the I'm sorry,, the thing the moment we have thought of
everyday, could be gone to them. '
so I don't say it because it would hurt to much if it didn't matter
to them, jill
good writing,
Actually it is good writing (you and alvin need to get together, fall in love
and get married, your writing styles are so eerily distinctive yet similar).
Regrets, I've had a few.
Jean
I'm a big fan of Jill's...she's one of those people who's "soul"
just comes through in their posts...
I agree with you about Jill Alvin. I find you and her to be remarkably similar
communicaters, actually.
Jean
'i want an invite to the wedding'
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "Kenster" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
31 May 2005 01:32:11 AM |
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On Mon, 30 May 2005 23:09:31 -0600, "exempt"
<jesseNOmySPAMers@4-music.org> wrote:
Oh gosh, this really hit me inside. I'm sorry that you are feeling
what you must be feeling that you need to write this out. I know it's
a struggle sometimes to make sense of where we've been, where we are
and certainly where we're going. It sounds like a road you're
traveling and have travelled before.
I hope that whoever you are trying to reach, and I think that includes
you, understands what you are trying to say and just accepts what the
past has been, what the present is and the hope we all have for a
wonderful future.
Take care of yourself and I really do hope you can get these feelings
out. I hope the person/people who you want to hear these things are
actually hearing them. It really sounds like something they should
hear. I wish you well.
Kenster
...let this change anything, not to let it develop into something that would
make you believe in anything, in a single moment from now till then, from
the time you picked yourself up, the million pieces i left on the ground
because i didn't realize what i was doing and neither did you and it was all
stupid and we'll pretend it never happened at some point in the future
because that's always how it happens, how it works when no one ever wants to
turn around and accept the things they've done as having anything other than
a minimal connection and instead we'll sit down on the porch where i haven't
smoked in years (but i promise i'll pretend) and you'll tell me about the
times you left in between and i'll tell you about the colors i saw in the
blur that's torn me in half ever since, and somehow it will never quite add
up to one story, no matter how hard we try to make it; it will never add up
to something that makes sense because it was never supposed to, it was never
supposed to be combined and that was the failure, that was the part we
screwed up and i don't think i'll ever live it down.
-
i'm sorry for the million times i've fucked up and said i didn't, for the
parts in between where i knew i was doing the wrong thing and kept it going
anyways.
i'm sorry that i never told anyone that.
and i'm sorry for everything i said to you to make you feel like you didn't
matter.
you can take that however you want.
.
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| User: "exempt" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
01 Jun 2005 03:09:14 AM |
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Oh gosh, this really hit me inside. I'm sorry that you are feeling
what you must be feeling that you need to write this out. I know it's
a struggle sometimes to make sense of where we've been, where we are
and certainly where we're going. It sounds like a road you're
traveling and have travelled before.
for the last ten years =/ i used to be here a lot, and then for some reason
i either got really good at ignoring it, or it sort of went away... nothing
lasts forever.
Take care of yourself and I really do hope you can get these feelings
out. I hope the person/people who you want to hear these things are
actually hearing them. It really sounds like something they should
hear. I wish you well.
Kenster
thanks. they haven't and probably won't, but sometimes it's really nice to
know that someone understands what you're feeling, even when you yourself
don't.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
31 May 2005 04:31:45 AM |
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Thank you for the post. I'm trying to understand what you've tried to
describe. I've had some recent experiences, where I didn't have enough
information, or the correct information and was led to believe in
something that others might consider to be unrealistic. The mind can be
powerful, especially if its been diagnosed with an illness that has
these types of symptoms. I still have a lot of hope for positive things
happening in my future, but also have a need to have a sense of
grounding of thoughts, to keep this from escalating any further so I
can get well.
I hope you can eventually overcome some of these feelings.
David
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| User: "exempt" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
01 Jun 2005 03:10:51 AM |
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"David" <dav.drw@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1117531905.449504.7390@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
Thank you for the post. I'm trying to understand what you've tried to
describe. I've had some recent experiences, where I didn't have enough
information, or the correct information and was led to believe in
something that others might consider to be unrealistic. The mind can be
powerful, especially if its been diagnosed with an illness that has
these types of symptoms. I still have a lot of hope for positive things
happening in my future, but also have a need to have a sense of
grounding of thoughts, to keep this from escalating any further so I
can get well.
I hope you can eventually overcome some of these feelings.
David
i don't understand, so hopefully you didn't strain to. thank you for the
response.
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
31 May 2005 01:54:12 AM |
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exempt wrote:
...let this change anything, not to let it develop into something that would
make you believe in anything, in a single moment from now till then, from
the time you picked yourself up, the million pieces i left on the ground
because i didn't realize what i was doing and neither did you and it was all
stupid and we'll pretend it never happened at some point in the future
because that's always how it happens, how it works when no one ever wants to
turn around and accept the things they've done as having anything other than
a minimal connection and instead we'll sit down on the porch where i haven't
smoked in years (but i promise i'll pretend) and you'll tell me about the
times you left in between and i'll tell you about the colors i saw in the
blur that's torn me in half ever since, and somehow it will never quite add
up to one story, no matter how hard we try to make it; it will never add up
to something that makes sense because it was never supposed to, it was never
supposed to be combined and that was the failure, that was the part we
screwed up and i don't think i'll ever live it down.
-
i'm sorry for the million times i've fucked up and said i didn't, for the
parts in between where i knew i was doing the wrong thing and kept it going
anyways.
i'm sorry that i never told anyone that.
and i'm sorry for everything i said to you to make you feel like you didn't
matter.
you can take that however you want.
Maybe think of it as a lifeboat. Some are inside and although
suffering from the cold they are dry. Others are holding onto the
side they are suffering from the cold and they are wet but at
least they have something to hold onto. Others are in the water.
They are wet and cold but they have a lifejacket and it is
keeping their heads above water, keeping them alive. The rest are
already dead, they suffer nothing.
Suffering is the only thing that separates you from nothing. It
is not the best of what there is... but it is so much better than
the nothing. Of all the people I have have ever loved there is a
pain keeping their memory warm and alive.
GlennT
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| User: "exempt" |
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| Title: Re: try not to... |
01 Jun 2005 03:10:09 AM |
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<snip>
Suffering is the only thing that separates you from nothing. It
is not the best of what there is... but it is so much better than
the nothing. Of all the people I have have ever loved there is a
pain keeping their memory warm and alive.
i know that "nothing feeling" really well, and i think you're right. i
dunno... thank you.
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