| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"fuzzyverts" |
| Date: |
20 Feb 2004 09:23:08 AM |
| Object: |
Trying to help husband understand behavior |
My husband is having a difficult time understanding how I can control
my behaviors when I am with my 18-month old son, yet not control (at
least not very well) with him and with my 15-year old stepdaughter. I
have tried to explain that when I became pregnant, knowing that I was
an "ultra rapid cycler", I promised myself that I would do everything
in my power not to allow my illness to affect my son. Hubby says that
if that's the case, then I have made a conscious decision to treat my
son differently and should therefore be able to treat everyone the
same. What I can't get him to understand is the tremendous effort I
put forth to control myself with my son makes it even tougher to
control myself with everyone else. Has anyone else had experience
with this?
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: Trying to help husband understand behavior |
20 Feb 2004 01:27:49 PM |
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What I can't get him to understand is the tremendous effort I
put forth to control myself with my son makes it even tougher to
control myself with everyone else. Has anyone else had experience
with this?
Not quite this, but something like it. I came from a home where both parents
were quite violent toward me. I swore I would never be violent with my child
and I never have been. I don't even raise my voice but usually talk to her
calmly no matter how angry . . .but, I can get really enraged by others and I
am prone to hit or slap or to throw things if pushed. It is only with her that
I have absolute control.
Good luck
Rosena
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| User: "stella" |
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| Title: Re: Trying to help husband understand behavior |
20 Feb 2004 07:38:02 PM |
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(Trishamolson) wrote in message news:<20040220142749.26379.00000059@mb-m20.aol.com>...
What I can't get him to understand is the tremendous effort I
put forth to control myself with my son makes it even tougher to
control myself with everyone else. Has anyone else had experience
with this?
Not quite this, but something like it. I came from a home where both parents
were quite violent toward me. I swore I would never be violent with my child
and I never have been. I don't even raise my voice but usually talk to her
calmly no matter how angry . . .but, I can get really enraged by others and I
am prone to hit or slap or to throw things if pushed. It is only with her that
I have absolute control.
This is an interesting thread. My significant other has a mood
disorder. When he's in the throes of a bad time, he still seems to be
able to interact well and lovingly with his teenage children, yet can
become very irritable and impatient towards me and his parents. i
have at times been hurt by this inequality, since (as the only person
who knows the details and depth of his illness) i try hard to support
him with patience and love. mostly i do well at that, mostly he is
still kind when he is depressed...but sometimes i feel a lot of pain
about the disparate treatment.
but, though the kids don't know the depth of what he struggles with,
in their own way they give him a lot of support just by being close to
him emotionally. i'm glad for that. anything that helps him is good.
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| User: "Velvet Elvis" |
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| Title: Re: Trying to help husband understand behavior |
21 Feb 2004 02:25:49 PM |
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On Fri, 20 Feb 2004 07:23:08 -0800, fuzzyverts wrote:
My husband is having a difficult time understanding how I can control
my behaviors when I am with my 18-month old son, yet not control (at
least not very well) with him and with my 15-year old stepdaughter. I
have tried to explain that when I became pregnant, knowing that I was
an "ultra rapid cycler", I promised myself that I would do everything
in my power not to allow my illness to affect my son. Hubby says that
if that's the case, then I have made a conscious decision to treat my
son differently and should therefore be able to treat everyone the
same. What I can't get him to understand is the tremendous effort I
put forth to control myself with my son makes it even tougher to
control myself with everyone else. Has anyone else had experience
with this?
Are you seeing a therapist? If so, it would probably be beneficial for
him to come to a session with you so the therapist can mediate and help
explain. Marriage counseling and/or family counseling might also be a
good idea. My family is full of neurotic people and family therapy really
helped us understand each other's triggers and obsessions.
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| User: "." |
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| Title: Re: Trying to help husband understand behavior |
26 Feb 2004 08:20:55 PM |
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fuzzyverts wrote...
My husband is having a difficult time understanding how I can control
my behaviors when I am with my 18-month old son, yet not control (at
least not very well) with him and with my 15-year old stepdaughter. I
have tried to explain that when I became pregnant, knowing that I was
an "ultra rapid cycler", I promised myself that I would do everything
in my power not to allow my illness to affect my son. Hubby says that
if that's the case, then I have made a conscious decision to treat my
son differently and should therefore be able to treat everyone the
same. What I can't get him to understand is the tremendous effort I
put forth to control myself with my son makes it even tougher to
control myself with everyone else. Has anyone else had experience
with this?
If you can control yourself with your son, then you are showing your
husband that if you actually make an effort you can control yourself.
Basically, you're telling your husband that he's not worthy of your
effort, but your son is.
Just my opinion, of course.
If a significant other told me "I can't help that I'm rude, obnoxious,
etc", I'd tell them to get their act together or take a hike. There's no
excuse for bad behaviour, and nobody should be expected to tolerate it
repeatedly.
--
Regards,
..
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