| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"GlennT" |
| Date: |
13 Jan 2005 05:25:55 AM |
| Object: |
Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
A man I work alongside with one of my carts has become a friend.
He is an amazing man whom I respect incredibly. His past has been
difficult to say the least.
He is a recovered alcoholic who has been dry for 19 years. The
reason he became dry was due to a tragedy he experienced and what
happened in the aftermath. He had been living with a woman for a
few years and had had two children with her, first a girl and two
years later a son. Although he was still drinking at this stage
he was improving due to her influence and the responsibility he
felt towards his children. He had improved to the point that she
decided to marry him and they planned a wedding.
Three days before the wedding she was killed in a car accident.
This spiralled him out of control for a while and the parents of
his fiancé took over the care of the children. He realized he had
to pull himself together to look after his kids and voluntarily
entered a tough alcohol rehabilitation programme that was usually
only used for court appointed cases.
During his rehabilitation the parents of his fiancé applied for
custody of the kids and upon winning custody they moved to
Australia and denied him any access to his children. He even
travelled to Australia to be near his kids but was promptly
arrested when he tried to contact them because these people had
managed to get a no contact order through an Australian court.
He returned to NZ and got on with his life but through his mother
managed to keep some contact going with his children but it was
difficult. Six months ago his daughter established contact with
him and was planning a trip to NZ to visit him. She was killed in
a car accident three months ago before she had a chance to visit
and the news shattered my friend but he still held it together.
Today he heard that his son and the mother of his fiancé were in
Thailand on holiday during the Tsunami. She is confirmed dead and
his son is still missing presumed dead.
I tried to counsel him today but his emotions were just too raw.
He thanked me and left. I am very worried about him. How can
anybody withstand this type of continual battering. I gave my
kids an extra hug tonight.
I have started crying while writing this. It just isn't fucking fair.
Thanks for listening.
GlennT
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| User: "AlvinTChase" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 02:51:34 PM |
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That's really sad Glenn...Some people have such difficult lives...My
sister's friend Melanie died this last March of a drug overdose...Her
history was incredibly tragic.Her mother died in a car accident in
which Melanie was the driver.Then her father died in a fiar.then her
brother died after falling off a cliff.All within the space of a
year.She also had cancer,was unable to have children,and eventually
lost all remaining relatives...She was only 32.It's is hard to believe
that people can have so much loss in their short lifetime.
-"Alvintchase"
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| User: "Roland Koch" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 03:23:37 PM |
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"AlvinTChase" <relayer211@hotmail.com> wrote>
That's really sad Glenn...Some people have such difficult lives...My
sister's friend Melanie died this last March of a drug overdose...Her
history was incredibly tragic.Her mother died in a car accident in
which Melanie was the driver.Then her father died in a fiar.then her
brother died after falling off a cliff.All within the space of a
year.She also had cancer,was unable to have children,and eventually
lost all remaining relatives...She was only 32.It's is hard to believe
that people can have so much loss in their short lifetime.
-"Alvintchase"
Yes, I'm sure that people would rather experience
personal physical suffering than go through
the grief and pain of losing loved ones,
such as described above.
In the tsunami disaster area, probably thousands
of family members have suffered like this,
-and suddenly, in a single stroke.
Yet, this is what has happened,
and happens now,
and will still happen.
It's part of life.
Many suffer more than many others.
It's part of life.
It all seems to boil down to
how we handle loss and suffering.
GBY
Roland
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
14 Jan 2005 12:01:09 AM |
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AlvinTChase wrote:
That's really sad Glenn...Some people have such difficult lives...My
sister's friend Melanie died this last March of a drug overdose...Her
history was incredibly tragic.Her mother died in a car accident in
which Melanie was the driver.Then her father died in a fiar.then her
brother died after falling off a cliff.All within the space of a
year.She also had cancer,was unable to have children,and eventually
lost all remaining relatives...She was only 32.It's is hard to believe
that people can have so much loss in their short lifetime.
-"Alvintchase"
Yikes... that is very sad for that poor girl. Yes, it is hard to
believe what some people have to go through. Also, it is easier
to feel content about my own situation when comparing it to
someone close to me who has had so much tragedy to deal with.
Thank you.
GlennT
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 05:48:39 AM |
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p.s.
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
Selfish ***** that I am.
GlennT
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| User: "lisa in mass." |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 11:48:20 PM |
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GlennT wrote...
p.s.
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying
for me. Selfish ***** that I am.
GlennT
i think i'd cry out of empathy for him. maybe that is the reason
we cry for such people. i don't think you're being selfish.
-lisa
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
14 Jan 2005 12:05:00 AM |
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lisa in mass. wrote:
GlennT wrote...
p.s.
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying
for me. Selfish ***** that I am.
GlennT
i think i'd cry out of empathy for him. maybe that is the reason
we cry for such people. i don't think you're being selfish.
-lisa
Thank you, Lisa. As I said to Becky I think I was crying for us
both. That seems better and more realistic to me today.
We are all selfish because otherwise we would be completely
insane. Selfishness has it's place in all our lives and it is
completely a question of degree.
GlennT
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| User: "Gayle" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 08:20:32 AM |
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GlennT wrote:
p.s.
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
Selfish ***** that I am.
GlennT
What an awfully sad story, Glenn, with too many
tragic coincidences (the car crash) and
heartbreaks (that he was legally barred from
contact with his kids). Ai. And, I'm personally
unconvinced that we ever purely cry for another. I
think compassion and empathy is rooted in our
ability to imagine how we would feel under
another's circumstances or in our ability to
connect another's pain to pain we feel ourselves.
It may seem selfish but when we open our hearts to
someone else's pain, it's our Self that feels it.
That's a good thing, imo, a way to connect. I've
been to more than a few funerals of children and
the crowds are much bigger, often, than for an
older person. The crowds are full of parents who I
know are thinking "there but for the grace of god
go I." Is that selfish? Yes, I think so,
self-centered anyway. But that's what expands the
capacity for compassion rather than diminishes it.
That's what I think, anyway, and I offer my
sincerest sympathies to your cart-mate and to you
for you've been touched by it as well.
Gayle
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 11:53:01 PM |
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Gayle wrote:
GlennT wrote:
p.s.
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
Selfish ***** that I am.
GlennT
What an awfully sad story, Glenn, with too many tragic coincidences (the
car crash) and heartbreaks (that he was legally barred from contact with
his kids). Ai. And, I'm personally unconvinced that we ever purely cry
for another. I think compassion and empathy is rooted in our ability to
imagine how we would feel under another's circumstances or in our
ability to connect another's pain to pain we feel ourselves.
It may seem selfish but when we open our hearts to someone else's pain,
it's our Self that feels it. That's a good thing, imo, a way to connect.
I've been to more than a few funerals of children and the crowds are
much bigger, often, than for an older person. The crowds are full of
parents who I know are thinking "there but for the grace of god go I."
Is that selfish? Yes, I think so, self-centered anyway. But that's what
expands the capacity for compassion rather than diminishes it. That's
what I think, anyway, and I offer my sincerest sympathies to your
cart-mate and to you for you've been touched by it as well.
Gayle
Thank you Gayle. I am learning what an intelligent and sensitive
person you are.
Today was a relief. He was there and still suffering but had
things under control. His strength is a lesson to me.
It has been a very long time since I had a friend that I cared
about. I mean *really* cared about. I guess this means I am
getting healthier. Still selfish... but healthy selfish! ;)
GlennT
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| User: "BGumm" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 04:38:09 PM |
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It is ok to cry for yourself too. What a horrible thing and a horrible life
this poor man has had to live.
When you read these things and you talk to people that have experienced so much
loss and so much strife it does make you appreciate your life a little
more---even if you life is not a heck of a lot better----I know I just shake my
head at times and think---why am I whining.
So cry for yourself too----and you are far from a selfish person---I am sure
you are shedding some tears for him too.
Becky
"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild;
when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and
moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."
-Martin Buxbaum
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 11:58:00 PM |
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BGumm wrote:
It is ok to cry for yourself too. What a horrible thing and a horrible life
this poor man has had to live.
When you read these things and you talk to people that have experienced so much
loss and so much strife it does make you appreciate your life a little
more---even if you life is not a heck of a lot better----I know I just shake my
head at times and think---why am I whining.
So cry for yourself too----and you are far from a selfish person---I am sure
you are shedding some tears for him too.
Becky
"I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild;
when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and
moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."
-Martin Buxbaum
Thank you Becky. Things have settled today and he is gritting it
out in his own style. I really love this guy. I offered him my
home to get away for a while but he says, "Thanks but I have
responsibilities that still have to be met".
I thought I was pretty tough but I am beginning to learn what
'tough' actually means. Thank goodness he doesn't suffer from
depression. I mean he is depressed but not a depressive.
I think I was shedding tears for us both. Yeah, that seems about
right.
GlennT
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| User: "Bev Thornton" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 06:55:38 PM |
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On 2005-01-13, GlennT wrote:
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
You have to start somewhere.
--
bevthornton@despammed.com Support: <http://www.1000dinners.com/>
Those who know truth as truth and untruth as untruth
arrive at truth and follow true desires.
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| User: "Contrarian" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
18 Jan 2005 04:23:15 PM |
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Bev Thornton <Reply-To@not.invalid> wrote:
On 2005-01-13, GlennT wrote:
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
pls don't feel bad about this, you were crying for him too
even if it's partly for yourself.
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| User: "GlennT" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
13 Jan 2005 11:58:22 PM |
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Bev Thornton wrote:
On 2005-01-13, GlennT wrote:
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
You have to start somewhere.
I don't understand...
GlennT
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| User: "Bev Thornton" |
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| Title: Re: Tsunami hits home (sp: sad story and long) |
19 Jan 2005 03:07:28 AM |
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On 2005-01-14, GlennT wrote:
Bev Thornton wrote:
On 2005-01-13, GlennT wrote:
I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him. I was crying for me.
You have to start somewhere.
I don't understand...
Compassion has to start somewhere. It has to include you and the other,
or better, all others.
Where it starts doesn't matter.
Sudden realizations can be good things too. Those kind, the kind that
make awareness more precise.
--
bevthornton@despammed.com Support: <http://www.hpicanada.ca/>
Om Tare Tutare Ture Soha
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