| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Trishamolson" |
| Date: |
03 Feb 2004 02:00:48 PM |
| Object: |
Very Depressed |
The depth of my self hatred un-nerves me. The inability to dwell in an
appreciative way in the present disgusts me. The superfciality of my piety
repels me. My mothering skills are lacking. I want to crawl into the closet (I
use to do this at the worse times a few years ago). Tierd of all the medical
jargon, explanations, and claim to authority about brain chemistry. Only for
me, no one else here do I think this about or wish to imply, I cannot escape
the final judgment I always come to that my "condition" is about a lack of
character and an essential prevading ignobility -- this is John's judgment,
and though he may be a socio-path and *****, his insight is keen (it is what
makes him so dangerous).
I don't know what to do to help myself anymore. Rising above "it" seems beyond
my capacity and I feel shame for this.
Rosena
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| User: "Carol" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 07:27:20 PM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040203150048.26490.00001395@mb-m07.aol.com...
The depth of my self hatred un-nerves me. The inability to dwell in an
appreciative way in the present disgusts me. The superfciality of my
piety
repels me. My mothering skills are lacking. I want to crawl into the
closet (I
use to do this at the worse times a few years ago). Tierd of all the
medical
jargon, explanations, and claim to authority about brain chemistry. Only
for
me, no one else here do I think this about or wish to imply, I cannot
escape
the final judgment I always come to that my "condition" is about a lack of
character and an essential prevading ignobility -- this is John's
judgment,
and though he may be a socio-path and *****, his insight is keen (it is
what
makes him so dangerous).
I don't know what to do to help myself anymore. Rising above "it" seems
beyond
my capacity and I feel shame for this.
Rosena
John's sounds like a fortune-telling kind of judgment to me: say something
so general, of course it applies, because it applies to everyone (or at
least most people will believe it applies to them). And only as valid as
such a generality can be. Please don't buy into it. There are more
accurate specific things about you that you just can't see right now, but
which are truly wonderful (I only just met you and I can already tell).
When the depression gives you a break, you will see lies the things you're
thinking now really are.
You know, I don't remember ever crawling into closets when I was a kid, but
I sat in one of our closets quite a few times when I was feeling especially
awful a few years ago. What is it about closets, anyway -- is it just the
feeling of hiding?
Carol
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| User: "% surfs@uniserve" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 02:08:05 PM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040203150048.26490.00001395@mb-m07.aol.com...
The depth of my self hatred un-nerves me. The inability to dwell in an
appreciative way in the present disgusts me. The superfciality of my
piety
repels me. My mothering skills are lacking. I want to crawl into the
closet (I
use to do this at the worse times a few years ago). Tierd of all the
medical
jargon, explanations, and claim to authority about brain chemistry. Only
for
me, no one else here do I think this about or wish to imply, I cannot
escape
the final judgment I always come to that my "condition" is about a lack of
character and an essential prevading ignobility -- this is John's
judgment,
and though he may be a socio-path and *****, his insight is keen (it is
what
makes him so dangerous).
I don't know what to do to help myself anymore. Rising above "it" seems
beyond
my capacity and I feel shame for this.
Rosena
het hey hey , no more talking about hom because you're making changes to fix
that , or was it all a lie as i expected
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 02:20:20 PM |
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het hey hey , no more talking about hom because you're making changes to fix
that , or was it all a lie as i expected
Dave,
not talking about "home." That situation I can make changes on that are
"healthy" for Maria and for myself. I do not lie ever. I despise liars (unless
little white lies).
I am talking about my insides and they will be with me where ever I am . . .
sadly.
Rosena
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| User: "Hap Arnold" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 06:04:17 PM |
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"Trishamolson" <trishamolson@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040203150048.26490.00001395@mb-m07.aol.com...
.../..., I cannot escape
the final judgment I always come to that my "condition" is about a lack of
character and an essential prevading ignobility -- this is John's
judgment,
and though he may be a socio-path and *****, his insight is keen (it is
what
makes him so dangerous).
I don't know what to do to help myself anymore. Rising above "it" seems
beyond
my capacity and I feel shame for this.
Rosena
Accepting the judgement of a sociopath or a ***** or any ex- is a bad
idea. Keen judgement, even without motives contrary to your well being,
would be clouded by such a relationship. He has indeed sounded dangerous as
you have posted about him. His wits may be sharp but he does not have your
best interest in mind. "His dangerous insight" is better paraphrase of
what you describe. You well know that he assaults you physically (whether
he actually makes contact or not), why would you suppose he would not use
his wits and language to continue the attack?
Try to look at it as an outsider would. A sociopath is using his keen wits
to hammer at your self-worth. He knows you are depressed, and he probably
knows what elements of character are most important to you. Depressed
persons have enough ability to identify these and use them against
themselves when untrue, we do not need others to pick at us, even if true.
But, how can it be true for you but not for anyone else on this board?
--
E Sempre l'Ora
--
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| User: "Nina" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 02:59:35 PM |
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On 03 Feb 2004 20:00:48 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
The depth of my self hatred un-nerves me. The inability to dwell in an
appreciative way in the present disgusts me. The superfciality of my piety
repels me. My mothering skills are lacking. I want to crawl into the closet (I
use to do this at the worse times a few years ago). Tierd of all the medical
jargon, explanations, and claim to authority about brain chemistry. Only for
me, no one else here do I think this about or wish to imply, I cannot escape
the final judgment I always come to that my "condition" is about a lack of
character and an essential prevading ignobility -- this is John's judgment,
and though he may be a socio-path and *****, his insight is keen (it is what
makes him so dangerous).
Rosena, think about what you just said: "though he may be a sociopath
and *****, his insight is keen." Why on earth are you willing to
accept the judgement of someone like that? How can you give any
credence or respect to what someone like that says? And how on earth
can anyone like that judge something like ignobility?
Nina
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 03:17:20 PM |
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Rosena, think about what you just said: "though he may be a sociopath
and *****, his insight is keen." Why on earth are you willing to
accept the judgement of someone like that? How can you give any
credence or respect to what someone like that says? And how on earth
can anyone like that judge something like ignobility?>
Dear Nina,
I honestly don't know the answer. If I had a friend like me, I'd say exactly
what you are saying. And there are times, usually earlier in the day, or when
I am involved in class or with others, when I do not dwell on his judgments or
my own petty little misery.
But when I start to get sad, then he looms in the background like a ghost
reinforcing every terrible self-judgment. It is a vicious circle because I
then violently disrespect myself for paying attention to the ghost . . .
I honestly do not know what next steps I should try to take to "get better".
Just lost right now.
Rosena
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| User: "yuluwirri" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 04:36:27 PM |
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x-no-archive: yes
On 03 Feb 2004 21:17:20 GMT, (Trishamolson)
wrote:
Rosena, think about what you just said: "though he may be a sociopath
and *****, his insight is keen." Why on earth are you willing to
accept the judgement of someone like that? How can you give any
credence or respect to what someone like that says? And how on earth
can anyone like that judge something like ignobility?>
Dear Nina,
I honestly don't know the answer. If I had a friend like me, I'd say exactly
what you are saying. And there are times, usually earlier in the day, or when
I am involved in class or with others, when I do not dwell on his judgments or
my own petty little misery.
But when I start to get sad, then he looms in the background like a ghost
reinforcing every terrible self-judgment. It is a vicious circle because I
then violently disrespect myself for paying attention to the ghost . . .
I honestly do not know what next steps I should try to take to "get better".
Just lost right now.
Dear Rosena,
I feel deeply, that you will never, ever heal whilst you are in his
company. Sorry to say that it just can't happen.
Whilst you are being beaten down verbally day after day, year after
year, there is no room for recovery.
You must leave. No matter how, no matter what and as soon as is
humanly possible.
FWIW.
best,
Rosena
--
yuluwirri
~~~~~~~
Fish know.
~~~~~~~
yuluwirri@hotmail.com
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| User: "Trishamolson" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
04 Feb 2004 08:35:36 AM |
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I feel deeply, that you will never, ever heal whilst you are in his
company. Sorry to say that it just can't happen.
Thank you for concerned thoughts. John and I have been apart for seven years.
My ex isn' t john. Two different men.
You must leave. No matter how, no matter what and as soon as is
humanly possible.
Leaving this situation is another matter. Looking for outside funding now.
Hope it works.
Rosena
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: Very Depressed |
03 Feb 2004 10:36:36 PM |
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Just have to say I agree with Yuluwirri. You can't recover while while
under attack.
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
"yuluwirri" <yuluwirri@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ef8020pno9bhs0f71a7dfjdcun97oo4bjo@4ax.com...
Dear Rosena,
I feel deeply, that you will never, ever heal whilst you are in his
company. Sorry to say that it just can't happen.
Whilst you are being beaten down verbally day after day, year after
year, there is no room for recovery.
You must leave. No matter how, no matter what and as soon as is
humanly possible.
.
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