| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"TENNISBOY" |
| Date: |
10 Aug 2005 08:10:18 AM |
| Object: |
what can i do ? |
hi , i am new here and i need to write down some of my frustrations.im
a 21 year old guy.
My life was great up until i was 14, i was on the national tennis team
and was ranked number two in england, i was also an extremely good
looking guy and girls always told me how good looking i was, i was
destined to be a tennis star and have a good life.I was good at all
sports but i choose tennis as i think its the best, i was a very gifted
athlete.
Anyway when i reached 14 i became very obsessed with my appearance, i
knew i was very good looking but i wanted to be even better as i am a
perfectionist. i started getting acne and while i had it i started
washing my face very roughly, but thought i wouldnt do any damage and i
thought i might even look better with rougher skin, so i kept doing
this for about a year and although i knew my skin was getting worse i
kept saying to myself that after my spots go i will stop treating my
skin rough and then my skin will return nice again.
Girls still thought i was good looking as i still had wicked features
and they were obsessed with me as i had everthing looks and success in
sport.
However i then went to the docters to get some medication for my acne
and he gave me a very strong cream that i use to put on my face and it
would dry up my face and then i would peel my skin of in a controlled
way. my skin was already very dry but i just kept doing stupid things
like this and told myself that my acne would go away quicker this way.
Anyway after about 3 months of using this cream my face starting
changing gradually and my cheeks and expression on my face seemed
different also my skin was ruined and didnt have a nice smooth glowing
colour. I use to have a really friendly appearance with a cool look and
now i look awful and unfriendly looking.
It took me a while to realise that the way i treated my skin and the
cream messed up my face and at first i thought i was just getting ugly.
Because of what happened to my face I stopped playing tennis and went
in to a deep depression, i hardly went out and my friends starting
treating me different.
I also stopped getting attention from girls, my confidence went so low
and basically i wanted to die but i know i could never commit suicide.
School was horrible and for the first time in my life a few people
started calling me ugly, this was a major shock for me, i dont know if
they really thought i was ugly or that they just saw what i did to my
face and i looked much worse than before.
The thing is that if you didnt know me before you probably wouldnt
notice that i had messed up my skin but its my cheeks and facial
expression that look so different and horrible along with pretty bad
skin.
People at school started asking me, whats happened to you? because you
just look a bit messed up.
Girls dont like me anymore and i just lost all motivation and forgot
about my tennis.
Now i have lost everything i cant be a tennis player anymore as i
messed that up and i have no friends and absolutely no life. after i
quit school at 16 i just stayed at home and watched other people do
things with their lives and watch tennis and stuff on tv.
I could have really been a star and have a great life but now i cant do
anything and im just ugly now and nobody wants to know me.
Why did this have to happen to me?, im a really nice natured person and
i just didnt know what i was doing or what could happen to me.In my
whole life ive never hurt anybody and i never took the ***** out of
anybody even though i was one of the best looking people before all
this happened.
I am a really nice person and ive never had a relationship past 14,
after my face went bad i also fell in love with this girl at school and
because my looks are so bad now i didnt talk to her even though she
talked to me a bit but i was to embarrased to speak to her.
I still think of her , there were hundreds of girls that were after me
before but i only think of her. im heartbroken and i could have been a
wicked tennis player as well.
i keep hoping my face will get back to what it was but i know i will
never have my friendly sexy appearance back. i look annoying now and
whenever i speak i say to myself sutup because you look stupid
it hurts and i dont know what im going to do for the rest of my life,
ive made my family suffer with all of this and i take my frustrations
out on them. im in a hole ands there just seems that i cant do anything
about it.
Also it seems like im losing my mind and as you can probably tell my
post it not very well written.
now i am thick but i use to be quite intelligent.
im a loser for life now
.
|
|
| User: "Kristy" |
|
| Title: Re: what can i do ? |
11 Aug 2005 02:54:24 PM |
|
|
I used to be fairly cute and then had a problem with my thyroid that caused
me to gain 50 pounds and I can't seem to get rid of them. While I'd still
like to lose the weight to feel better, I've finally accepted myself as how
I look. We can't all be models and superstars and this society is too
obsessed by this. You obviously are a good person or you wouldn't have been
successful before. Also, you MUST not let your health deteriorate. I was
diagnosed with chronic pain a couple of years ago and I can tell you that I
would shovel manure the rest of my life if I could just have my health back.
Try to focus on what you HAVE not what you don't have. Also, you might try
Proactive, it seems to have worked for a lot of people with acne and might
make you feel better about yourself.
"TENNISBOY" <TENNISBOY21P@YAHOO.CO.UK> wrote in message
news:1123679417.937243.132530@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
hi , i am new here and i need to write down some of my frustrations.im
a 21 year old guy.
My life was great up until i was 14, i was on the national tennis team
and was ranked number two in england, i was also an extremely good
looking guy and girls always told me how good looking i was, i was
destined to be a tennis star and have a good life.I was good at all
sports but i choose tennis as i think its the best, i was a very gifted
athlete.
Anyway when i reached 14 i became very obsessed with my appearance, i
knew i was very good looking but i wanted to be even better as i am a
perfectionist. i started getting acne and while i had it i started
washing my face very roughly, but thought i wouldnt do any damage and i
thought i might even look better with rougher skin, so i kept doing
this for about a year and although i knew my skin was getting worse i
kept saying to myself that after my spots go i will stop treating my
skin rough and then my skin will return nice again.
Girls still thought i was good looking as i still had wicked features
and they were obsessed with me as i had everthing looks and success in
sport.
However i then went to the docters to get some medication for my acne
and he gave me a very strong cream that i use to put on my face and it
would dry up my face and then i would peel my skin of in a controlled
way. my skin was already very dry but i just kept doing stupid things
like this and told myself that my acne would go away quicker this way.
Anyway after about 3 months of using this cream my face starting
changing gradually and my cheeks and expression on my face seemed
different also my skin was ruined and didnt have a nice smooth glowing
colour. I use to have a really friendly appearance with a cool look and
now i look awful and unfriendly looking.
It took me a while to realise that the way i treated my skin and the
cream messed up my face and at first i thought i was just getting ugly.
Because of what happened to my face I stopped playing tennis and went
in to a deep depression, i hardly went out and my friends starting
treating me different.
I also stopped getting attention from girls, my confidence went so low
and basically i wanted to die but i know i could never commit suicide.
School was horrible and for the first time in my life a few people
started calling me ugly, this was a major shock for me, i dont know if
they really thought i was ugly or that they just saw what i did to my
face and i looked much worse than before.
The thing is that if you didnt know me before you probably wouldnt
notice that i had messed up my skin but its my cheeks and facial
expression that look so different and horrible along with pretty bad
skin.
People at school started asking me, whats happened to you? because you
just look a bit messed up.
Girls dont like me anymore and i just lost all motivation and forgot
about my tennis.
Now i have lost everything i cant be a tennis player anymore as i
messed that up and i have no friends and absolutely no life. after i
quit school at 16 i just stayed at home and watched other people do
things with their lives and watch tennis and stuff on tv.
I could have really been a star and have a great life but now i cant do
anything and im just ugly now and nobody wants to know me.
Why did this have to happen to me?, im a really nice natured person and
i just didnt know what i was doing or what could happen to me.In my
whole life ive never hurt anybody and i never took the ***** out of
anybody even though i was one of the best looking people before all
this happened.
I am a really nice person and ive never had a relationship past 14,
after my face went bad i also fell in love with this girl at school and
because my looks are so bad now i didnt talk to her even though she
talked to me a bit but i was to embarrased to speak to her.
I still think of her , there were hundreds of girls that were after me
before but i only think of her. im heartbroken and i could have been a
wicked tennis player as well.
i keep hoping my face will get back to what it was but i know i will
never have my friendly sexy appearance back. i look annoying now and
whenever i speak i say to myself sutup because you look stupid
it hurts and i dont know what im going to do for the rest of my life,
ive made my family suffer with all of this and i take my frustrations
out on them. im in a hole ands there just seems that i cant do anything
about it.
Also it seems like im losing my mind and as you can probably tell my
post it not very well written.
now i am thick but i use to be quite intelligent.
im a loser for life now
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "JJ." |
|
| Title: Re: what can i do ? |
10 Aug 2005 04:44:59 PM |
|
|
TENNISBOY wrote:
hi , i am new here and i need to write down some of my frustrations.im
a 21 year old guy.
My life was great up until i was 14, i was on the national tennis team
and was ranked number two in england, i was also an extremely good
looking guy and girls always told me how good looking i was, i was
destined to be a tennis star and have a good life.I was good at all
sports but i choose tennis as i think its the best, i was a very gifted
athlete.
Anyway when i reached 14 i became very obsessed with my appearance, i
knew i was very good looking but i wanted to be even better as i am a
perfectionist. i started getting acne and while i had it i started
washing my face very roughly, but thought i wouldnt do any damage and i
thought i might even look better with rougher skin, so i kept doing
this for about a year and although i knew my skin was getting worse i
kept saying to myself that after my spots go i will stop treating my
skin rough and then my skin will return nice again.
Girls still thought i was good looking as i still had wicked features
and they were obsessed with me as i had everthing looks and success in
sport.
However i then went to the docters to get some medication for my acne
and he gave me a very strong cream that i use to put on my face and it
would dry up my face and then i would peel my skin of in a controlled
way. my skin was already very dry but i just kept doing stupid things
like this and told myself that my acne would go away quicker this way.
Anyway after about 3 months of using this cream my face starting
changing gradually and my cheeks and expression on my face seemed
different also my skin was ruined and didnt have a nice smooth glowing
colour. I use to have a really friendly appearance with a cool look and
now i look awful and unfriendly looking.
It took me a while to realise that the way i treated my skin and the
cream messed up my face and at first i thought i was just getting ugly.
Because of what happened to my face I stopped playing tennis and went
in to a deep depression, i hardly went out and my friends starting
treating me different.
I also stopped getting attention from girls, my confidence went so low
and basically i wanted to die but i know i could never commit suicide.
School was horrible and for the first time in my life a few people
started calling me ugly, this was a major shock for me, i dont know if
they really thought i was ugly or that they just saw what i did to my
face and i looked much worse than before.
The thing is that if you didnt know me before you probably wouldnt
notice that i had messed up my skin but its my cheeks and facial
expression that look so different and horrible along with pretty bad
skin.
People at school started asking me, whats happened to you? because you
just look a bit messed up.
Girls dont like me anymore and i just lost all motivation and forgot
about my tennis.
Now i have lost everything i cant be a tennis player anymore as i
messed that up and i have no friends and absolutely no life. after i
quit school at 16 i just stayed at home and watched other people do
things with their lives and watch tennis and stuff on tv.
I could have really been a star and have a great life but now i cant do
anything and im just ugly now and nobody wants to know me.
Why did this have to happen to me?, im a really nice natured person and
i just didnt know what i was doing or what could happen to me.In my
whole life ive never hurt anybody and i never took the ***** out of
anybody even though i was one of the best looking people before all
this happened.
I am a really nice person and ive never had a relationship past 14,
after my face went bad i also fell in love with this girl at school and
because my looks are so bad now i didnt talk to her even though she
talked to me a bit but i was to embarrased to speak to her.
I still think of her , there were hundreds of girls that were after me
before but i only think of her. im heartbroken and i could have been a
wicked tennis player as well.
i keep hoping my face will get back to what it was but i know i will
never have my friendly sexy appearance back. i look annoying now and
whenever i speak i say to myself sutup because you look stupid
it hurts and i dont know what im going to do for the rest of my life,
ive made my family suffer with all of this and i take my frustrations
out on them. im in a hole ands there just seems that i cant do anything
about it.
Also it seems like im losing my mind and as you can probably tell my
post it not very well written.
now i am thick but i use to be quite intelligent.
im a loser for life now
Hi TENNISBOY
You need to stop and ask yourself how much of this is reality and how
much of it is in your mind. If you go around thinking "I'm ugly" you
will be - not because you're ugly in reality, but because those feelings
will manifest themselves in a kind of bristling body language that will
literally drive people away.
The transition from childhood to adulthood is a pretty volatile time.
Some people seem to sail through while others hit brick walls. For
whatever reason you hit a wall and your skin became a kind of symbol for
the terrifying processes you couldn't control, so you try to control it
by washing your face which in turn produces real symptoms, thus
validating your neurosis.
I'm not a professional of course - just trying to tell it in the context
of my own experience. I may be wrong. One thing's for sure though -
there is absolutely no reason in the world why you can't enjoy a normal
life. As you grow older you begin to realise that looks really aren't
that important. Believe me. As long as you're a decent guy and you're
hygenic and you take the time to think about other people's feelings,
people will always accept you. Who cares about your skin except for you?
Everybody has some kind of flaw but that doesn't invalidate who they
are. My friend is no less of a friend just because he has bad teeth. My
girl is no less lovely just because she isn't a perfect size 10. Bad
skin, even if you had it, wouldn't reduce you in any way whatsoever.
Look at Michael Stipe, lead singer of REM - read this page:
http://www.planetout.com/entertainment/interview.html?sernum=14
Does his "bad skin" stop him from being Michael Stipe? Course not.
You have to realise that other people aren't judging you nearly as
harshly as you're judging yourself. And yeah, that applies to girls too.
One day, a cracking girl will love the face you hate so much - but that
won't have anything to do with how perfect your skin is. She'll love it
because it's your face. You just have to work on your soul and the body
will take care of itself.
I don't know what you need to do now. It would be great if I could say a
couple of words and it would snap you out of this negative spiral. But
it's not that simple. You have to learn to stop obsessing about what you
think you've lost and instead think about what you have. Think of this
as a good opportunity to discover what's really important in life. Being
great isn't it. Perfection is death ("Fish cannot thrive in water that
is too pure...") Learn to direct your energies outwards instead of
inwards. Whenever you see the opportunity to make somebody else's life
better, take it and you'll feel so much better because happiness lies in
other people. Make a conscious effort to challenge your own *****
thoughts head-on. Learn to enjoy the small things, today.
I hope things get better for you.
JJ.
.
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| User: "Used2be" |
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| Title: Re: what can i do ? |
10 Aug 2005 10:30:34 AM |
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are you getting any therapy or medication for your depression?
sounds like you really should...
other than that, i have no idea what to say. :/
just wanted to know you'd been "heard."
~u2b
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