| Topic: |
Sociology > Depression |
| User: |
"Sharmeen" |
| Date: |
15 Jul 2005 10:42:54 PM |
| Object: |
Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
Hi Everyone:
I'm new to this...so I'd just like to introduce myself and maybe get
some advice.
I'm a 19-year-old female university student, and I'm shy, and to a
greater extent, insecure. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety
Disorder - in short, I stress about absolutely everything.
One of my greatest anxieties deals with people's perceptions of me -
I'm always afraid that I've said/I'm going to say something stupid, or
that people don't like me. If someone I know seems irritated/upset, I
always think it's because of something I've done/said. It sounds dumb,
and I know it's not logical to think like that, but I can't seem to
help it. I always take things people have said to me the wrong way -
even compliments, and in turn, I get really, really upset over minor
issues. I sometimes feel as if eveb my friends don't even like me, and
that I'm a total loser, an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere. I'm
also very suspicous of people - it's hard for me to open up to people
unless I've known them for quite some time, and I know they're "safe."
I hate worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of me, but I
can't help it. I've been really depressed over the last week because
of it - I've been breaking down into tears all week.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these kinds of
feelings? Any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
.
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| User: "David" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
16 Jul 2005 06:04:20 AM |
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I've been through a lot of what you're going through. I think meds have
really been what's helped the most for me. Sometimes people have to
have a combination of several different types of meds to get to feeling
better again.
Someone once told me something I always remembered. If you get the
feeling someone is looking down on you, or like you are insignificant,
there's a chance that they might feel in a similar way themselves, and
even may look up to you. A lot of people have anxiety around other's,
they just may not be aware of it or are embarrased to talk about it.
Sometimes I think our illness can really cloud our judgement, which is
something I think you've already picked up on. Therapy might be
something to look into, I've often found that my ability to reason
through some of these feelings is something that also has helped a lot.
I hope this is helpful, welcome to asd.
David
Sharmeen wrote:
Hi Everyone:
I'm new to this...so I'd just like to introduce myself and maybe get
some advice.
I'm a 19-year-old female university student, and I'm shy, and to a
greater extent, insecure. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety
Disorder - in short, I stress about absolutely everything.
One of my greatest anxieties deals with people's perceptions of me -
I'm always afraid that I've said/I'm going to say something stupid, or
that people don't like me. If someone I know seems irritated/upset, I
always think it's because of something I've done/said. It sounds dumb,
and I know it's not logical to think like that, but I can't seem to
help it. I always take things people have said to me the wrong way -
even compliments, and in turn, I get really, really upset over minor
issues. I sometimes feel as if eveb my friends don't even like me, and
that I'm a total loser, an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere. I'm
also very suspicous of people - it's hard for me to open up to people
unless I've known them for quite some time, and I know they're "safe."
I hate worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of me, but I
can't help it. I've been really depressed over the last week because
of it - I've been breaking down into tears all week.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these kinds of
feelings? Any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
.
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| User: "wombn" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
15 Jul 2005 11:38:53 PM |
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On 15 Jul 2005 20:42:54 -0700, "Sharmeen" <bengali.tigress@gmail.com>
wrote:
Hi Everyone:
I'm new to this...so I'd just like to introduce myself and maybe get
some advice.
I'm a 19-year-old female university student, and I'm shy, and to a
greater extent, insecure. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety
Disorder - in short, I stress about absolutely everything.
One of my greatest anxieties deals with people's perceptions of me -
I'm always afraid that I've said/I'm going to say something stupid, or
that people don't like me. If someone I know seems irritated/upset, I
always think it's because of something I've done/said. It sounds dumb,
naw, it's not dumb.
and I know it's not logical to think like that, but I can't seem to
help it. I always take things people have said to me the wrong way -
even compliments, and in turn, I get really, really upset over minor
issues. I sometimes feel as if eveb my friends don't even like me, and
that I'm a total loser, an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere. I'm
also very suspicous of people - it's hard for me to open up to people
unless I've known them for quite some time, and I know they're "safe."
I hate worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of me, but I
can't help it. I've been really depressed over the last week because
of it - I've been breaking down into tears all week.
hm.... if you've been feeling this way for more than 2 weeks, it
might be time to see a doc and possibly consider antidepressants
and/or talk therapy.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these kinds of
feelings? Any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
I used to think I knew how, but I don't think so anymore. It took me
*years* to get through all the same kinda crap you're going through.
Wish I knew a speed-method. But don't let this discourage you. I
didn't have the internet way back then. There's so much info out
there now that I could have used back then. And so many people who
could give a hint here and there.
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Crap is the next great evolution after art" - Cyberdroog
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| User: "Still hanging in" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
16 Jul 2005 02:22:14 AM |
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Hi Sharmeen,
Having just been through a cognitive therapy class, I think you could
benefit from it. Not a cure, but may reduce your anxiety level somewhat.
Teach you how to slant your thinking a little bit.
Since you say that you are insecure, you may benefit from affirmations.
There are books of these but you can make up your own "today I am going to
be much calmer and more comfortable than I was yesterday," "I am a strong
person and I can learn to be comfortable around people." That kind of thing.
Don't head into a day any less positive than you can be. You repeat those
affirmations, a new one each day, silently, in a quiet place, for about 5
minutes. Look at it from the opposite standpoint and you can see how this
may help. How would your days go if you did this only your affirmations were
"I am the most anxious person in the world," or "I really dread today
because of the group work in class this afternoon. I just don't think I can
handle it." Cognitive therapy is kind of like that - teaching you to put a
positive spin on things.
When there is a special, very likely to be troublesome, event coming up, pay
special attention to that. Get a lot of positive self talk going - it will
help some, if not entirely.
Meditation. For 10 minutes each day, sit in a comfortable chair and let your
eyes rest gently on the floor. Don't move and don't be disturbed by any
thoughts you have or emotions that come up. Every day. Your mind will become
calmer and you will learn to follow your breath, because that is the only
thing real that is happening. When you need to regain calm during the day,
find five minutes to just be still and follow your breath. You can do this
in the middle of a class - just zone out and pay attention to your breath
for a while.
Sounds like you are seeing a psychiatrist with that diagnosis under your
belt. If not, I would suggest you do so to get on/stay on meds if
appropriate. Don't rely on your GP. There is a lot of new stuff in
neuropsychopharmacology - and regular docs tend to turn to the old,
reliable, cheap therapies. e.g. valium, xanax "Talk therapy" as suggested by
wombn - which I take to mean psychotherapy with a qualified therapist who
you like - is also a good idea. Voice dialog is a bit like that, but I'm not
sure you should be dabbling in that just yet.
Hope that helps some. I know all about the stress thing and it's awful. For
me the name of the game is minimizing it - with a variety of techniques.
Don't be dissapointed if it doesn't work each time. It's a process, not an
event.
All the best ...
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
16 Jul 2005 10:25:38 AM |
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Sharmeen wrote:
Hi Everyone:
I'm new to this...so I'd just like to introduce myself and maybe get
some advice.
I'm a 19-year-old female university student, and I'm shy, and to a
greater extent, insecure. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety
Disorder - in short, I stress about absolutely everything.
One of my greatest anxieties deals with people's perceptions of me -
I'm always afraid that I've said/I'm going to say something stupid, or
that people don't like me. If someone I know seems irritated/upset, I
always think it's because of something I've done/said. It sounds dumb,
and I know it's not logical to think like that, but I can't seem to
help it. I always take things people have said to me the wrong way -
even compliments, and in turn, I get really, really upset over minor
issues. I sometimes feel as if eveb my friends don't even like me, and
that I'm a total loser, an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere. I'm
also very suspicous of people - it's hard for me to open up to people
unless I've known them for quite some time, and I know they're "safe."
I hate worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of me, but I
can't help it. I've been really depressed over the last week because
of it - I've been breaking down into tears all week.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these kinds of
feelings? Any help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote... I've always been
extremly shy and self concious...I always worry about what to say and
saying the wrong thing... What helps me sometimes is to try and have
good intentions when talking to people... to know that as long as my
intentions are positive,what more can I ask of myself? That helps at
times,but not always. What I remind myself a lot is not to compare
myself with other people. That's a tough thing for me... I have a
great deal of insecurity, and I get intimidated by a lot of people.
Especially very fast paced,sharp,fast talking people... I'm
intelligent,I think,but I have an abstract,associative,psychological
way of looking at things... It is hard to get beyond
shyness,fear,insecurity etc... very hard...
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| User: "Sharmeen" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
16 Jul 2005 12:09:55 PM |
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Thanks for the advice everyone. :) Sometimes I feel like the only one
going through crap like this - it's nice to know that I'm not, and that
the end of the world isn't coming or anything like that. ^_^ I'm
feeling better today, and I'm going to try and change my thinking to
more positive thoughts, as people have mentioned, and try to relax a
bit. I know other people who are insecure and/or depressed, and even I
realize it's hard to be around them if they're always feeling down.
I hate to say this, but I'm a little wary of meds. I was diagnosed
with anxiety about 3 years ago, and have never taken meds. I think
this is partially due to the fact that I feel (I 'feel'...I don't know
for a fact...) my parents don't seem to take anxiety seriously - it
came up after a somewhat traumatic home situation a couple of years
ago, and I think they believe it's "gone" now. But I guess I'm almost
19 now, I should probably take things into my own hands. Does anyone
have any suggestions for alternative (i.e. herbal?) remedies? I heard
about using St. John's wort, but I also heard about potential side
effects...??
(I try to take as little medication as possible (even Tylenol, Aspirin,
etc.), because I don't really like the idea of pumping chemicals
through my system - but I'm not putting down people who are on meds,
let's make that clear..)
I find talking things out (...even typing things out.. :) really helps,
as with writing in a journal.
Anyway, this is becoming long-winded - thanks again to everyone for
responding, and best of luck to everyone else!
.
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| User: "Franz Bestuchev" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
16 Jul 2005 02:07:34 PM |
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"Sharmeen" <bengali.tigress@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1121533795.159590.238490@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
I hate to say this, but I'm a little wary of meds. I was diagnosed
with anxiety about 3 years ago, and have never taken meds. I think
this is partially due to the fact that I feel (I 'feel'...I don't know
for a fact...) my parents don't seem to take anxiety seriously - it
came up after a somewhat traumatic home situation a couple of years
ago, and I think they believe it's "gone" now. But I guess I'm almost
19 now, I should probably take things into my own hands. Does anyone
have any suggestions for alternative (i.e. herbal?) remedies? I heard
about using St. John's wort, but I also heard about potential side
effects...??
(I try to take as little medication as possible (even Tylenol, Aspirin,
etc.), because I don't really like the idea of pumping chemicals
through my system - but I'm not putting down people who are on meds,
let's make that clear..)
**Not to have issue with you**, I've never understood this puritanical kind
of attitude towards "drugs" or let's really just call them what they are,
chemical compounds.
Let's take a look at a compound that's really not very well understood but
ingested by oh-so-many:
C6H4(OH)CO2H
aka
2-hydroxybenzoic acid
So, we've got carbon, hydrogen, oxygen....that's it. You'll find every
single one of these chemicals in your body already. Only difference is that
in this form it's aspirin.
Or there's the ever dangerous:
Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound,
also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium
Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the unstable radical
Hydroxide, the components of which are found in a number of caustic,
explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and
Ethyl Alcohol.
What about the horrible C2H5OH - ever used that drug?
How about: C17H21NO4
Wanna kill somebody with easily available castor beans?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a9/Ricin_process.png
America has some *stupid* idea that certain molecules are "bad."
*Everything* you ingest is pumping chemicals into your body.
Just learn what that chemical is and I wish you the best, but I doubt you'll
find much help wandering the nutritional supplement aisle at the local
health food store. Not that natural drugs aren't worthless at all, but
they're still chemicals.
.
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| User: "Nom dePlume nomdeplume1000-at-yahoo.com" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
17 Jul 2005 02:10:14 AM |
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Hello, Sharmeen. Welcome to ASD. I'm sorry you are having such
difficulty with anxiety. As for what you can do about anxiety, you
have two categories of choice. One is therapy, the other is
medication. It is impossible to tell up front what approach will work
best for you. Often, the answer is a combination.
For example, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is very popular for
mood disorders that are linked to, and affected by, distorted patterns
of thought. It's easy to get your negative thoughts and feelings into
a positive-feedback loop, where they reinforce each other. That kind
of cycle is hard to break, but it can be done. CBT is one of the most
popular ways to accomplish that change.
On the other hand, there are people for whom therapy is essentially
useless, because their mood disorders are not connected in any
meaningful fashion to their life experiences, current situations, or
habits of thought. They are simply plagued by out-of-control emotions
which degrade their qualify of life. For these people, medication is
the only avenue of use.
Then there are those (and they are many) who benefit from a
combination of both. You might find, for example, that your anxieties
are greatly exacerbated by your habits of thought, but simply not be
able to break the cycle no matter how hard you try. Anti-anxiety
medication might then calm you enough so that you take advantage of
therapeutic techniques (such as CBT) effectively. Over time, you might
find that you have restructured your thought patterns to the point
where you no longer need anti-anxiety medication.
So you have a lot of choices. There is no single, obvious best choice.
I would suggest you start with the approach you find most comfortable,
whether it be a therapist (for therapy) or a psychiatrist (for
medication). Look in your local Yellow Pages for referral services for
the kind of assistance you decide to try. Interview (by phone or in
person, whichever works) 2 or 3 practitioners in the field, to get a
feel for who seems most compatible with your needs. Then see how it
goes.
I would also suggest this: If you don't feel obviously improved within
6 months, try something else. It might be a different person in the
same field, or a different field entirely. If you start with therapy,
for example, and aren't any better after 6 months, then medication is
likely appropriate.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you, and let us know how you are
doing.
Finally, you can read about many of the psychiatric medications now
available on my Web site, although I don't have a section specifically
on anti-anxiety agents (some day, I hope; it takes time....).
--
Nom dePlume, Ph.D.
Why, yes, in fact, I am a rocket scientist.
Guide to Medications for Mental Illness:
http://www.geocities.com/nomdeplume1000/
=====
"Sharmeen" <bengali.tigress@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1121533795.159590.238490@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
Thanks for the advice everyone. :) Sometimes I feel like the only
one
going through crap like this - it's nice to know that I'm not, and
that
the end of the world isn't coming or anything like that. ^_^ I'm
feeling better today, and I'm going to try and change my thinking to
more positive thoughts, as people have mentioned, and try to relax a
bit. I know other people who are insecure and/or depressed, and
even I
realize it's hard to be around them if they're always feeling down.
I hate to say this, but I'm a little wary of meds. I was diagnosed
with anxiety about 3 years ago, and have never taken meds. I think
this is partially due to the fact that I feel (I 'feel'...I don't
know
for a fact...) my parents don't seem to take anxiety seriously - it
came up after a somewhat traumatic home situation a couple of years
ago, and I think they believe it's "gone" now. But I guess I'm
almost
19 now, I should probably take things into my own hands. Does
anyone
have any suggestions for alternative (i.e. herbal?) remedies? I
heard
about using St. John's wort, but I also heard about potential side
effects...??
(I try to take as little medication as possible (even Tylenol,
Aspirin,
etc.), because I don't really like the idea of pumping chemicals
through my system - but I'm not putting down people who are on meds,
let's make that clear..)
I find talking things out (...even typing things out.. :) really
helps,
as with writing in a journal.
Anyway, this is becoming long-winded - thanks again to everyone for
responding, and best of luck to everyone else!
.
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| User: "Youll Never Know" |
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| Title: Re: Worrying about people's perceptions of me.... |
18 Jul 2005 09:32:40 PM |
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On 16 Jul 2005 10:09:55 -0700, "Sharmeen" <bengali.tigress@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thanks for the advice everyone. :) Sometimes I feel like the only one
going through crap like this - it's nice to know that I'm not, and that
the end of the world isn't coming or anything like that. ^_^ I'm
feeling better today, and I'm going to try and change my thinking to
more positive thoughts, as people have mentioned, and try to relax a
bit. I know other people who are insecure and/or depressed, and even I
realize it's hard to be around them if they're always feeling down.
I hate to say this, but I'm a little wary of meds. I was diagnosed
with anxiety about 3 years ago, and have never taken meds. I think
this is partially due to the fact that I feel (I 'feel'...I don't know
for a fact...) my parents don't seem to take anxiety seriously - it
came up after a somewhat traumatic home situation a couple of years
ago, and I think they believe it's "gone" now. But I guess I'm almost
19 now, I should probably take things into my own hands. Does anyone
have any suggestions for alternative (i.e. herbal?) remedies? I heard
about using St. John's wort, but I also heard about potential side
effects...??
Had you considered Valerian?
It tastes like feet but works in a way not dissimilar to librium
valium and the rest.
Might be worth a try, read up on it first.
I find all prescription benzos rather over the top, Valerian root is
much milder in action and has far less withdrawal effect IME.
Don't take my word for it though, I tend to have anomalous responses
to certain meds, I find stimulating drugs help me sleep so what do I
know? <G>
What I DO know from many years of experience is that once you find a
drug or group of drugs which have the right effect they can majorly
improve your abilities to cope all round.
(I try to take as little medication as possible (even Tylenol, Aspirin,
etc.), because I don't really like the idea of pumping chemicals
through my system - but I'm not putting down people who are on meds,
let's make that clear..)
Omega-3 (fish) oils seem to be well regarded for all manner of
conditions, they appear to be generally lacking in the diet and
certainly wouldn't do any harm to try also.
I find talking things out (...even typing things out.. :) really helps,
as with writing in a journal.
Anyway, this is becoming long-winded - thanks again to everyone for
responding, and best of luck to everyone else!
If you've already been struggling with anxiety for three years I'd say
what you're doing now isn't working, time to consider a change of
approach?
.
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