James V. Lee of Richardson: The art of tough love
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/city/collin/opinion/stories/DN-north_lee_0615edi.ART.North.Edition1.43dd885.html
07:48 AM CDT on Friday, June 15, 2007
The results of the annual General Social Survey conducted by the
National Opinion Research Center show that about 71 percent of people in
the United States approve of spanking their children. Although this
method of discipline has received high approval ratings all the way back
to King Solomon, about 29 percent of people in our permissive society
condemn spanking for any cause.
I suspect that those who are opposed to spanking relate it to child
abuse. Having been on the receiving end of beatings from enraged
relatives, I understand and oppose such treatment.
But all of us have witnessed parents in the mall who seemingly were
oblivious to their screaming child, who had been denied some trinket.
Those of us who grew up with corporal punishment being the norm know
that about two firm swats to the backside of the screamer usually
results in sniffling silence. I sometimes wonder if parents ignore such
children with the expectation that they will eventually understand the
futility of throwing a fit, or whether they are intimidated by the 29
percent who oppose spanking and who might alert Child Protective
Services if they saw a kid being swatted.
I have heard of a few cases of people who have never spanked anybody.
Assuming all those children grew up to be law-abiding adults, I
congratulate them with a fervent wish that such were the universal norm.
Effective discipline requires setting the rules or conditions that
include some kind of firm enforcement by clearly understood
consequences, which may or may not include spanking. Both of my grown
children received spankings from both parents when they were children.
When I asked my daughter if they did any good, she replied, "Well, I
think some of it was good, but I recall some whippings that I think were
clearly over the top. But that's the way it goes. Parents aren't
perfect." Obviously, she knows how to dispense parental remorse.
Of course, spanking is not the only way of expressing tough love, and it
only works up to a certain age anyway. Methods of tough love are limited
only by the imagination of adults in authority.
While I was teaching in high school, a star basketball player failing my
economics course came to me with tears in his eyes begging me to adjust
his grade so he could play in the upcoming game. I kindly, but firmly,
responded, "Don't ever put yourself at the mercy of a schoolteacher, or
for that matter, don't ever put yourself at the mercy of any other human
being. You do what's expected of you, what's required of you, and then
you can command whatever privileges to which you're entitled." Sitting
out the game didn't hurt him and may have taught him a valuable lesson.
The last I heard of him, he was flying helicopters for the Army.
Discipline delayed can result in discipline distress. During my years of
teaching aboard Navy ships, I met a young sailor who credited the Navy
with keeping him out of trouble. As a 15-year-old ruffian of immature
judgment, he thought he was tough enough to take on his dad, a U.S. Navy
Seal. After the short fight ended in full view of cheering neighbors, my
young friend required hospitalization and wore one arm in a sling for a
while. His contribution to the fight was to vomit on his father. While
his mother and younger brother took him to the hospital, his dad went
out for a beer. They've had a good father/son relationship ever since.
Children who start out rebellious to parental authority don't always
need the trauma of mortal combat to shape up. Sometimes a wayward
offspring, like the Biblical prodigal son, just has to hit bottom in
some figurative pigsty before coming to his senses. Upon returning home,
he needs the welcoming arms of a father and mother who never gave up on him.
Even though parents may accept the admonition in Proverbs 22:6 to "train
up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not
depart from it," they don't always succeed, either with or without
spankings. Because parental love may obscure the defects in character
that are clearly evident to society at large, often, whenever a
criminal's behavior finally catches up with him, somewhere there are
parents second-guessing themselves, "Were we too permissive, or were we
too strict, and did we apply any of it with love?"
If life had only a rewind button.
James V. Lee of Richardson is a Voices of Collin County volunteer
columnist who retired from teaching aboard Navy ships and has written
"Nine Years In The Saddle" and other works. His Web site is
www.saladopress.com.
CURRENTLY CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES VIOLATES MORE CIVIL RIGHTS ON A
DAILY BASIS THEN ALL OTHER AGENCIES COMBINED INCLUDING THE NATIONAL
SECURITY AGENCY/CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY WIRETAPPING PROGRAM....
CPS Does not protect children...
It is sickening how many children are subject to abuse, neglect and even
killed at the hands of Child Protective Services.
every parent should read this .pdf from
connecticut dcf watch...
http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com/8x11.pdf
http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com
Number of Cases per 100,000 children in the US
These numbers come from The National Center on
Child Abuse and Neglect in Washington. (NCCAN)
Recent numbers have increased significantly for CPS
*Perpetrators of Maltreatment*
Physical Abuse CPS 160, Parents 59
Sexual Abuse CPS 112, Parents 13
Neglect CPS 410, Parents 241
Medical Neglect CPS 14 Parents 12
Fatalities CPS 6.4, Parents 1.5
Imagine that, 6.4 children die at the hands of the very agencies that
are supposed to protect them and only 1.5 at the hands of parents per
100,000 children. CPS perpetrates more abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse
and kills more children then parents in the United States. If the
citizens of this country hold CPS to the same standards that they hold
parents too. No judge should ever put another child in the hands of ANY
government agency because CPS nationwide is guilty of more harm and
death than any human being combined. CPS nationwide is guilty of more
human rights violations and deaths of children then the homes from which
they were removed. When are the judges going to wake up and see that
they are sending children to their death and a life of abuse when
children are removed from safe homes based on the mere opinion of a
bunch of social workers.
BE SURE TO FIND OUT WHERE YOUR CANDIDATES STANDS ON THE ISSUE OF
REFORMING OR ABOLISHING CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ("MAKE YOUR CANDIDATES
TAKE A STAND ON THIS ISSUE.") THEN REMEMBER TO VOTE ACCORDINGLY IF THEY
ARE "FAMILY UNFRIENDLY" IN THE NEXT ELECTION...
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