Time to face death again.

My elderly mom is dying of cancer. She had
a heart attack before Xmas and took an OD on
the 26th. I called the police in to break
the door in. She's been dying for 25 years
to my knowledge - but only when drunk
and full of self-pity.

Shes had a good innings. Shes had a better
quality of life than me. I love her very
much but I don't like her.She worked very
hard - she drank a lot. She was exceptionally
successful.

I should be used to death and loss by now.
9 members of my family died within 5 years,
my daddy died in my arms when I was 12 &
alone in the house. I didn't go to school
from age 11 to 15. (I went to 5 schools
anyhow -I'm an autodidact). I miscarried
my children, I lost my men to other women,
I lost my lovely beautiful living offspring,

but I can never understand how anyone would
prevent themselves from having the hope and
delights of having their own children.

I've been accused of having a genetic
disposition to depression (I'm not even a
depressive) - I'm astonished no one diagnosed
me with autism (I didn't have my first
conversation with another person till I was
18 - no one ever asked me what I wanted till
last year, I only had my first hug from
another woman at 24!)

People are cleverer than me. All those
in my family who had higher degrees and
doctorates died childless. I was the only one
in 3 generations of cousins, aunts & uncles
to have children. I'm the only one who had
my disposition of miscarriage. I was put on
drugs because I was upset when my children
were abducted by my ex, I stopped taking
them because I didn't want the children of
my new love to be harmed in an way. My new
child was healthy and is happy. And so am I.
I might have had more but the physical scars and
discrimination were too tough for love.

Death? be morbid! wallow in it! have fun!
but what do you leave behind you?

There are so many things pitched against you
if you want children these days. Its harder
than the childless realize. It is a test of
survival. Or you might prefer your self pity?

I hope when I die it will be quick and tidy.
I hope I leave for purposes of reincarnation:-
My DNA
A discovery to help others.

What would you leave after your death?

----
SARA

Time to face death again.

My elderly mom is dying of cancer. She had
a heart attack before Xmas and took an OD on
the 26th. I called the police in to break
the door in. She's been dying for 25 years
to my knowledge - but only when drunk
and full of self-pity.

Shes had a good innings. Shes had a better
quality of life than me. I love her very
much but I don't like her.She worked very
hard - she drank a lot. She was exceptionally
successful.

I should be used to death and loss by now.
9 members of my family died within 5 years,
my daddy died in my arms when I was 12 &
alone in the house. I didn't go to school
from age 11 to 15. (I went to 5 schools
anyhow -I'm an autodidact). I miscarried
my children, I lost my men to other women,
I lost my lovely beautiful living offspring,

but I can never understand how anyone would
prevent themselves from having the hope and
delights of having their own children.

I've been accused of having a genetic
disposition to depression (I'm not even a
depressive) - I'm astonished no one diagnosed
me with autism (I didn't have my first
conversation with another person till I was
18 - no one ever asked me what I wanted till
last year, I only had my first hug from
another woman at 24!)

People are cleverer than me. All those
in my family who had higher degrees and
doctorates died childless. I was the only one
in 3 generations of cousins, aunts & uncles
to have children. I'm the only one who had
my disposition of miscarriage. I was put on
drugs because I was upset when my children
were abducted by my ex, I stopped taking
them because I didn't want the children of
my new love to be harmed in an way. My new
child was healthy and is happy. And so am I.
I might have had more but the physical scars and
discrimination were too tough for love.

Death? be morbid! wallow in it! have fun!
but what do you leave behind you?

There are so many things pitched against you
if you want children these days. Its harder
than the childless realize. It is a test of
survival. Or you might prefer your self pity?

I hope when I die it will be quick and tidy.
I hope I leave for purposes of reincarnation:-
My DNA
A discovery to help others.

What would you leave after your death?

Time to face death again.

My elderly mom is dying of cancer. She had
a heart attack before Xmas and took an OD on
the 26th. I called the police in to break
the door in. She's been dying for 25 years
to my knowledge - but only when drunk
and full of self-pity.

Shes had a good innings. Shes had a better
quality of life than me. I love her very
much but I don't like her.She worked very
hard - she drank a lot. She was exceptionally
successful.

I should be used to death and loss by now.
9 members of my family died within 5 years,
my daddy died in my arms when I was 12 &
alone in the house. I didn't go to school
from age 11 to 15. (I went to 5 schools
anyhow -I'm an autodidact). I miscarried
my children, I lost my men to other women,
I lost my lovely beautiful living offspring,

but I can never understand how anyone would
prevent themselves from having the hope and
delights of having their own children.

I've been accused of having a genetic
disposition to depression (I'm not even a
depressive) - I'm astonished no one diagnosed
me with autism (I didn't have my first
conversation with another person till I was
18 - no one ever asked me what I wanted till
last year, I only had my first hug from
another woman at 24!)

People are cleverer than me. All those
in my family who had higher degrees and
doctorates died childless. I was the only one
in 3 generations of cousins, aunts & uncles
to have children. I'm the only one who had
my disposition of miscarriage. I was put on
drugs because I was upset when my children
were abducted by my ex, I stopped taking
them because I didn't want the children of
my new love to be harmed in an way. My new
child was healthy and is happy. And so am I.
I might have had more but the physical scars and
discrimination were too tough for love.

Death? be morbid! wallow in it! have fun!
but what do you leave behind you?

There are so many things pitched against you
if you want children these days. Its harder
than the childless realize. It is a test of
survival. Or you might prefer your self pity?

I hope when I die it will be quick and tidy.
I hope I leave for purposes of reincarnation:-
My DNA
A discovery to help others.

What would you leave after your death?

----
SARA