hello, my name is Monika, i'm 42, living in Antwerp, Belgium.
About one year ago, i realized suddenly something very strange was
going on, it started with my computer wich was
clearly showing things that were not usual, and desperedly i started to
repair it somehow, during that first period, i
thought of a computervirus or some hacking tool, slowly i realized
aswell this "hacking", was not just messing up
things, but very precise, showing on my screen what i was supposed to
see.
Finally after my mail and personal pictures disapeared, and nobody else
seemed to understand that really something
strange was going on on my computer, i wrote a mail to some mailadres
(of the program maker of one pcprogram
appeared, hoping i would reach the people doing this .
I cried and was begging to let my stuff on my pc ect...
finally i recieved an answer:"glad i can finally tell you, this is a
test..."
I stared surprised on my screen, a test i wondered, what for.?
This phrase, was followed with a question about networks, the question
was put together with what i put in my own
mails, i read slowly and highly surprised the long question, summerized
from my own mailconversations with others
about the pc, and even more confused i became, seeing no answer in fact
was possible on that question, only the
grammer gave that impression, so it looked like it was not just a
computer puzzle, aswell i could not understand a test
of some computerstuff, would have reason to take my private things
away, and it looked much more like a test of my
own behaving, in fact a psycholigical test, fooling me infact with
technical questions about networks...
i felt cheated, got very scared, didnt understand who was doing this,
what kind of test this could be.
At that moment i only knew i could communicate directly writing on my
computer questions, getting answers over tv,
radio and gsm, i was rapidly changing moods, from laughter, to deep
sadness and enormious fear, and finally a
confirmation came again direcly on my computer, :"those things they are
dangerous, they could have enormous
pollitical consequences..."
It slowly became completely clear that my moods aswell, were a part of
the game, i panicked, and let pass all kind of
sensations over me, pain of a tooth, vomitting, sexual pleasure, al
kinds of emotions, fine mixed up to an exact coctail
of totally different perception of my envirement, i did not know what
whas real anymore, i wonderdered who was
behind it, searching it in friends , my mother, and realizing nobody i
knew was behind it, my mother saw my acting
strangly, looking for my father who died five years ago, i was even
thinking he was the one joking me....
I do understand my mother is convinced i had a psychotic-like
experience, but it hurts very much though, i can't even
ask her comfort, she simply don't want to hear anything about what
happenend convinced it could not have
happened..., it is simply impossible
I wondered desperedly how long this was going on, having the feeling it
explained some other things from before, but
not being able to logically update with my own thinking 42 years of my
life in one sudden moment, this experience is
the most tortering, i was fully aware, of the fact my entire thinking
failed to understand what was going on, and that is
aswell in fact the most interesting part of it, but aswell the cruel
one, the past is completely different than in my
memories was linked in terms like cause and consequence, and suddenly
all seemed different, but the thinking ability
of a human is clearly too slow to update and relink those facts,
especiallyl aswell in the longterm memorie, that feeling
is awfull and something that normally humans can only know
theoretically (that thinking is a much slowlier process
then reacting, it does not giud behaviour, feeling guides behaviour),
but feeling it happening is amazing, but terrifying.
In the beginning nothing makes sense anymore, even suicide is a
possible solusion, but hope to understand finally
what went on, not believing somebody could do something like this to
destroy my person, i kept as strong i could, for
months pretty confusing and bizarr situations were created around me,
and when some time passed by, the feeling of
not understanding anything faded away, and i could start to draw
conclusions.
The main conclusion ofcourse was that mind manipulating technologie
does really exist, and not just causing over all
symptoms, but very finetuned causing so many sensations, a million of
nuances, of things i felt before, aswell things i
never felt before, it was like trip of alice in wonderland, but aswell
realizing a painfull truth, this really went on, and not
just now, but in the past, as far i can guess out of my own experience,
end sixties, begin seventies.
A very clear memorie as a small girl, seeing on a walk trough the park
in my head some 3D picture of twisted wires,
hair or wool getting thin and getting thik again, getting big and
getting small. this picture was accompagnied with
feeling sick in a strange way i never would forget, it took just a few
seconds. Technical abilities were i suppose not
enough refind for 3D, this problem ten years after did not anymore
exist and 3d pictures apear in colour realistic live
experiences, dreams even while awake. It is like real, and i do now
understand how convincing ufo experiences
could be and how terrifiing real, letting people with a big part of
questions, not realizing the experience was completely
brain simulated.
they (the people who are doing this) did aswell explain how it is
possible they can do it, they explained me more about
electricity, electromagnetism, basic chemistrie and biology, and
several connection between them, how rubbing two
pieces of kwarts and seeing lightflashes, polarity of molecules, how it
works in celmembranes, about spectometrie and
more of all that.
I did not know some things at all especialli the connection with
elektricity so clear, and it would be strange it would
dicover part of this with having a hallucination, so i hope somebody
wil not draw imidiatly conclusions, but wonder if
this really could be really happening, who realizes that this story,
how absurd it sounds, it could be correct, someone
who would ask more details about what happened, and trie to find out
that the total story is too much coherent to be
some hallucination,
Dreams ofcourse are something incredible, not only just dreams by
stimulating some dream area, but dreams with a
clear defined content, like some movie playded over during sleep, those
dreams are very vivid, they all somehow are
connected with very deep human emotions, about life, birt and dead, and
ofcourse the instinct of sexuallity ruling
these acts, compromizing dreams, about violence, incest, war and big
ethic questions, those dreams are
accompagnied with feelings sometimes, or pain that seems real, and most
people i know, they had those dreams
themselves, but can not imagine it was once electronically induced-dig
in your own very deep personal memories
and you will find them aswell, it looks like your own dreams simply)
sleepdeprivation for days or just falling asleep,
hartbeat with trilling movies and getting sentimental over others,
feelings like compassion, rage, and even feelling very
deeply in love, euforic, with music getting shivers, so it seemes that
this is the current state of the art today of mind
manipulation technology .
After looking for information around on the net and some books, i know
now im not wrong in the fact that this
technology is for more then thirty years in use, is develloped and
refined during normal life on people without their
knowledge, and if you try to explain, they dont and cant believe their
own fears and dreams are not really theirs,
because adding emotoions to one's life for so long become normal
emotions associated with your own, with your own
identity, That is the most surprising part of it: even after you know
somebody makes you feel and do things,stil it feels as
if it is under command of your own will, movements, needs and
exitement, not even your own taste you can trust in
whatever you like, because they make you simply like other things.
Now im desperadly looking for contact with people who do meanawhile
aswell know this is going on, and that is the
reason for this mail, on wich i hope for some reaction, it was a cruel
way to get to know i'm in fact so much different
than i thought, it feels releave aswell as it feels terror.
I hope very much to find more people in my situation, i know there are,
some stories i found confirm exactly what i
experienced aswell, but most those people are not anymore to find over
the internet, so i hope this way somebody will
read my story and take contact with me.
Friendly greetings from belgium, Monika.
msn:
mail:
icq:220-647-559
Please realize well the reasons you dont believe this, realize well
those reasons are not rational, but purely intuitif
because you can't imagine, the same way like tv or gsm once was
unimaginable.
.
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