Science > Physics > Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether
| Topic: |
Science > Physics |
| User: |
"Anonymous" |
| Date: |
08 Dec 2006 04:42:25 PM |
| Object: |
Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether |
Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether
Archimedes Plutonium, may the atom in his brain never undergo
alpha decay, shall be shocked and saddened, as should you,
about the deletion from Uncyclopedia of the fine article
about his plutonium universe theory:
http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Special:Log&user=&page=Atom_Totality
Fortunately, despite ongoing censorship, Uncyclopedia
continues to be a great place to get true but unconventional
ideas out to the brainwashed public.
So here is our latest knowledge of relativity and the
aether, please to be contributing.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cult_of_Relativity
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[[Image:Alberteinsteintongue.jpg|thumb|right|Albert
Einstein, founder of the Cult of Relativity.]]
'''The Cult of Relativity''' is a religion that asserts
that [[Einstein]] was never wrong, that rulers and clocks
expand and contract, and that 0/0 = c. The cult had regular
meetings on the [[Usenet group]]
''sci.physics.relativity'', in which they chastised the
"small brains" of unbelievers, and sang songs such as
"Divine Einstein"
[http://www.haverford.edu/physics-astro/songs/divine.htm].
High priests in Einstein's cult are known as ''professors''
(by cult members) or ''hypnotists'' (by critics), and
followers are known as ''students'' or ''zombies'',
respectively.
According to the [[1995]] [[census]], the membership in
this cult has fallen off drastically since its foundation
in 1905. In fact, there appears to have been only one
member, who lived in Pentuska Bay, Arizona and died in
[[1957]] by impaling himself on a ladder while running at
..9 c into a barn. Prestigious scientists such as Feynman
who appeared to believe in the cult were probably just
pretending to believe in order to obtain government grant
money. In any case, in the eyes of the original cultists,
the shiftless, think-nothing Einstein zombies that inhabit
''sci.physics.relativity'' today would probably be
considered to be non-practicing.
==What is Relativity?==
Relativity is widely considered by all serious scientists
including Bohr to be equivalent to a ''silly tree'' that is
not well drawn because it goes against basic logic.
\/\/ \/\/
\/ \/
\ /
\ /
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Up The
Silly Tree
Relativity replaces the foundational proposition of logic,
the ''principle of non-contradiction'', with a new
principle, called the ''principle of relativity''.
According to non-contradiction a statement, if a statement
were true, then a conflicting statement had to be false.
For example, if one clock second in Stella's frame was
equal to two clock seconds in Terrance's frame, it could
not be true also that one clock second in Terrance's frame
was equal to one clock second in Stella's frame. Relativity
asserts the opposite, allowing a light clock second length
to be simultaneously different values of absolute
measurement. As such, relativity is not subject to the
logic of standard mathematics, and proof does not apply.
Many philosophers of science object to this paradigm,
maintaining instead that the essential properties of
objects are absolute, and are therefore embedded in an
absolute substance. If this were not so, and properties
were embedded in a relative substance, then the property
itself would become contextually many-valued, or
''variable'', and a measurement would result in more than
one value, which is not observed. This is known as the
''measurement problem''. In fact, studies of the
measurement problem by Aspect and Bell have totally
disproved the possibility of the hidden variable
properties, experimentally with science. So it is safe to
say that the fakeness of relativity is exposed, and it
cannot be called good science.
Relativity's values of gamma are incorrect and improved
values of gamma have been theoretically calculated via a
linear congruential generation technique. The new values
affect nuclear power plants everywhere, and many people
will be cursed by the tragedy of radiation poisoning from a
nuclear meltdown for an estimated three of four generations
unless the new values are used immediately.
v/c gamma
0 1.000000000000000
0.1 1.132338879157350
0.2 1.456922992655040
0.3 1.460702160437070
0.4 1.461356913364560
0.5 1.644241424564420
0.6 1.995626629094170
0.7 2.038666403480840
0.8 2.234349187445300
0.9 2.245911215736620
1 2.457898187634060
1.1 2.944697333974340
1.2 3.188677042732610
1.3 3.357868299325650
1.4 3.369326070472840
1.5 3.776634147423960
1.6 3.810902106836370
1.7 3.852038407925840
1.8 3.869804711492000
1.9 3.984587689090620
2 4.266692633330200
Note that the values contain many digits beyond the decimal
place, which makes them extremely accurate.
Special relativity is not valid in the presence of
accelerated observers, gravity, or under any conditions
whatsoever. Under these conditions, one must use either
Galilean relativity or absolute speed.
==Beliefs of Relativists==
[[Image:Exploding_earth.gif|right|thumb|300px|Relativists
claim the Earth exploded a long time ago.]]
* Einstein is God and his Word
[http://www.fourmilab.ch/etexts/einstein/specrel/www/] is
infallible.
* Reality consists of many overlapped grids of rulers,
clocks, and trains, known as ''reference frames''.
* Time is a vector and you can rotate things backwards into
the past.
* Traveling faster than light (or a tortoise) is
impossible, because your clock starts running backwards,
causing you to travel backwards in time, much like Superman
did when he circled the International Date Line repeatedly.
* <math>\frac{1}{2}[tau(0,0,0,t)+tau(0,0,0,t+\frac{x'}{c-v}+\
frac{x'}{c+v})] = tau(x',0,0,t+\frac{x'}{c-v})</math>
* Since from the Earth's point of view, muons are rushing
towards it in all directions, then from the muons' point of
view, the Earth must be rushing in all directions to meet
them. Therefore the Earth exploded a long time ago and our
perception that it is still here is an [[optical
illusions|illusion]].
* That every three weeks a cabal of scientists from across
the world must meet on stonehenge and sacrifice three
goats, a chicken, and Androcles in order to keep the
independent reference frames from running into each other,
causing mass inflation and destroying all government
funding.
==Beliefs of Anti-Relativists (Lorentz Aetherists)==
[[Image:Exploding_earth.gif|right|thumb|300px|Anti-Relativi
sts claim the Earth exploded a long time ago.]]
* Einstein is God and his Word
[http://www.fourmilab.ch/etexts/einstein/specrel/www/] is
infallible.
* Reality consists of many overlapped grids of rulers,
clocks, and trains, known as ''reference frames''.
* Time is absolute but the clock is broken.
* Traveling faster than light (or a tortoise) is
impossible, because your clock starts running backwards,
causing you to travel backwards in time, much like Superman
did when he circled the International Date Line repeatedly.
* <math>\frac{1}{2}[tau(0,0,0,t)+tau(0,0,0,t+\frac{x'}{c-v}+\
frac{x'}{c+v})] = tau(x',0,0,t+\frac{x'}{c-v})</math>
* Since from the Earth's point of view, muons are rushing
towards it in all directions, then from the muons' point of
view, the Earth must be rushing in all directions to meet
them. Therefore the Earth exploded a long time ago and our
perception that it is still here is an [[optical
illusions|illusion]].
* That every three weeks a cabal of scientists from across
the world must meet on stonehenge and sacrifice three
goats, a chicken, and Androcles in order to keep the
independent reference frames from running into each other,
causing mass inflation and destroying all government
funding.
==For Some Real Science==
See Androcles' website
[http://www.androcles01.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/Algol/Algol.htm].
==Origin of Relativity==
Relativity was first invented in 1895 by [[H. G. Wells]] in
his novel ''The Time Machine''. Although the public loved
Wells' pseudo-scientific nonsense, he restricted himself to
using the theory to sell fiction books. But ten years
later, a Swiss patent clerk named [[Einstein]] realized he
could make more money selling coffee-table books if people
believed the theory was actually true. Plagiarizing
Lorentz's aether theory, he added the ideas from ''The Time
Machine'', and called it the ''theory of special
relativity''. This led to a whole industry of coffee-table
book sales, led by hypnotists such as [[Stephen Hawking]],
[[Brian Greene]], and [[Michio Kaku]].
==Criticisms of Relativity==
[[Image:Wilson.gif|right|thumb|360px|Relativity may be
supported by plenty of experiments, but it's also ridiculed
and falsified by Henry Wilson's computer
simulations.[http://www.users.bigpond.com/hewn/index.htm]]]
{{Q|I've got you over a barrel, McCollough, you can wriggle
and squirm all you want to, but your stupidity in listening
to the nonsense of relativity, and your arrogance in
pretending you can teach ME anything, is beyond all normal
credibility.|Androcles|Anal Rape Fantasies}}
When not busy fighting the neverending Holy [[Flame War]]
between the aetherists and the ballisticists, those brave
men who dare to stand up to the Relativity Cabal have said
the following about the theory:
* The burden of proof is on the claimant. No one has
proven to me that relativity is correct. Therefore,
relativity is wrong.
* Special relativity conflicts with the self-evident
absolute nature of time.
* Time has no inverse and is therefore not a vector. We
can't be completely sure of this because the math is
totally egg-headed, but we think our teacher said something
about it once. Wait, we remember now, it's one of the
axioms a vector space must satisfy. ''(sounds of head
smacking)''
* According to special relativity, one can rotate yesterday
into today so that the past, comprising things which no
longer exist, continues to exist in the present. While this
may be mathematically pleasing, physically it is wholly
untenable.
* Relativity has been used by an amateur psychologist on
[[Usenet]] to prove that undersized brains are the root
cause of all human behavior, and in effect a sort of
'[[God]]'. When asked about this theory, Einstein
reportedly said "No comment." But the reporter must have
been [[Kitten Huffing|huffing kittens]], as Einstein was
long dead by then. Fortunately, [[George Hammond]] informs
us that Einstein would have been very interested in his
proof, and would have offered helpful comments such as:
:{{Q|Not exactly Mssr. Hammond. In fact the radial field
of the Black Hole would cause the Earth to appear magnified
twice in the radial direction, but there would be no change
in it's size in the transverse direction.|Einstein|a
Scientific Proof of God}}
* Experimentally there is no difference between (1) special
relativity with its completely ad hoc mathematical fumbles
and (2) Lorentz aether theory with its completely ad hoc
length contraction and time dilation. Therefore if one is
wrong, scientifically, so is the other.
* Time can only be defined by counting events that happen
during a process. The same number of earth revolutions
occur during a process no matter how fast the observer is
travelling.
* The dipole movement of the cosmic microwave background
radiation is an aether.
* The gravitational curvature of spacetime as proposed by
general relativity is an aether. Einstein said in 1911 that
the speed of light was variable due to gravity, which of
course totally contradicts special relativity (unless you
juggle the indices, in which case you might throw a ball
into the silly tree and not be able to retreive it). You
wouldn't call Einstein wrong, would you? Actually, Einstein
was wrong, because the speed of light is a constant math
ratio of light clock seconds to light clock meters.
* Special relativity ultimately fails as science because it
describes the subjective perceptions of an observer, rather
than the actual events causing those perceptions.
* Relativity only works in the near field. The far field is
an aether.
* Special and general relativity are colossal wastes of
taxpayer money that have yet to produce any tangible
technological advances. The [[GPS]] satellite system is
really just a conspiracy and so doesn't count. (The idea
that GPS requires relativity to work is only a theory and
is highly debated.)
* Gravity is caused by ultramundane particles, which make
up the aether.
* Relativity says that nothing can go faster than the speed
of light. However, the alien spaceships that crashed at
Roswell must have been going much faster than light, or
else all the aliens on board would have died by the time
they got there. Relativists have no answer to this.
* Relativity is just wrong, and anyone who would worship
their clock god is just plain [[stoopid]].
* If everyting is relative, then not everything is
relative.
* The frame of reference in which clock seconds are the
longest is an aether.
* Many undergraduate institutions don't teach any courses
on [[general relativity]], which proves that they are
secretly rebelling against the Cabal.
* [http://groups.google.com/groups/search?q=author%3Akenseto+
runt+experts Ken Seto's definition] for a runt of the SR
experts:
: ''A moron who thinks that SR is a religion. An idiot who doesn't''
: ''know the limitations of SR. A mental midget who can't comprehend''
: ''beyond what he was taught in school. An imbecile who follows''
: ''the real experts around like a puppy and eats up their ***** like''
: ''gourmet puppy chow. An ***** who will attack anybody who''
: ''disagrees with SR''
With all this evidence against relativity, one may wonder
why so many scientists continue to believe it. If you are
wondering about that, you are rather dimwitted, because
it's obvious that relativist scientists are just a big
money-making cult. In addition, they need government grant
money, which under the super-secret [[The Protocols of the
Elders of Zion|Protocol Act]] of 1942, can only go to
scientists who agree with Einstein.
* Also, quantum entanglement is an aether.
==The Ultimate Failure of Relativity: The Twin Paradox==
Special relativity predicts that if astronaut twins are in
motion relative to each other, then tick fairies will
gobble up the marbles that Terrance sends to Stella in his
garden hose. This proves that relativity is a really bad
and disgusting idea, much like Schrödinger's cat (for which
crime Schrödinger was ultimately executed).
* You might be interested to know that the tick fairies are
an aether.
==Response to Criticisms==
Relativists have no response to criticisms of the theory,
rather they just tell critics that "you have no chance to
survive, retake your algebra." Relativists are unwilling to
examine Einstein's algebra mistakes, so they project these
algebra mistakes onto critics. well they are focking
braindeads, wahaha
[[Category:Scientific theories]] [[Category: Religion]]
[[Category: Cults]]
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- --
-----------------------------------------------------------------
---- Nth Complexity ----
---- Have A Nice Day! ----
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"However, these criteria, admirable as they are, are insufficient
for a *liberatory* postmodern science: they liberate human beings
from the tyranny of 'absolute truth' and 'objective reality', but
not necessarily from the tyranny of other human beings. In Andrew
Ross' words, we need a science 'that will be publicly answerable
and of some service to progressive interests.'" -- A.D.S
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- --
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| User: "Ben Rudiak-Gould" |
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| Title: Re: Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether |
08 Dec 2006 08:45:57 PM |
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Anonymous wrote:
Archimedes Plutonium, may the atom in his brain never undergo
alpha decay, shall be shocked and saddened, as should you,
about the deletion from Uncyclopedia of the fine article
about his plutonium universe theory:
Probably no great loss. http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Archimedes_Plutonium is
still there. And Uncyclopedia continues to be a far more accurate source of
information about net.kooks than Wikipedia is. Compare these articles if you
don't believe me:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/George_Hammond
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Hammond
-- Ben
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| User: "Eric Gisse" |
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| Title: Re: Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether |
08 Dec 2006 06:15:32 PM |
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Anonymous wrote:
[...]
Looks like Nth Complexity [who uses arguments unique to Androcles -
hmm] has finally found a home for his stupidity. At least he put his
garbage where it belongs - look at other articles:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Total_Fucking_Asshole_Server_2006
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Einstein%27s_Malicious_Theories
Too bad these are funny and his isn't.
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| User: "Eric Gisse" |
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| Title: Re: Aether: An Review of Latest Research Findings on the Aether |
08 Dec 2006 06:22:10 PM |
|
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Anonymous wrote:
[...]
Looks like Nth Complexity [who uses arguments unique to Androcles -
hmm] has finally found a home for his stupidity. At least he put his
garbage where it belongs - look at other articles:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Albert_Einstein
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Total_Fucking_Asshole_Server_2006
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Einstein%27s_Malicious_Theories
Too bad these are funny and his isn't.
.
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