Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling'
Theory

The Onion
August 17, 2005

KANSAS CITY, KS - As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public
schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose
Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the

Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held
"theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new
theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force,
but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them
down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied
Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity which is taught to our children as a law is

on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between
all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton
himself said: 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for
which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is
alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of
evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation
of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the
"International Journal Of Science" and the adolescent magazine "God's Word
For Teens!", there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular
gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus
ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian
conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curricula to
give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are
not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only
that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an
informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used
by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent.
Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about
gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This
fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory
in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory
Lunsden. "In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says: 'And if the blind lead the blind,
both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity

them fall, just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read: 'But
mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity

pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety?
This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law
based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical
physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's
mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general
relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen
Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the
Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part
of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and
carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is
supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need
to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words
for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an
elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the
'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear
force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt
their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of
the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force
is: His name is Jesus."

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

Comment:
I hope you all had a good laugh. Unfortunately, for those of you living

America, many of your countrymen and even your president believe in this
sort of rubbish.

--
Posted by
Robert Karl Stonjek

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling'
Theory

The Onion
August 17, 2005

KANSAS CITY, KS - As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public
schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose
Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the

Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held
"theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new
theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force,
but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them
down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied
Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity which is taught to our children as a law is

on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between
all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton
himself said: 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for
which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is
alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of
evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation
of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the
"International Journal Of Science" and the adolescent magazine "God's Word
For Teens!", there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular
gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus
ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian
conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curricula to
give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are
not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only
that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an
informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used
by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent.
Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about
gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This
fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory
in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory
Lunsden. "In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says: 'And if the blind lead the blind,
both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity

them fall, just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read: 'But
mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity

pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety?
This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law
based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical
physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's
mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general
relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen
Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the
Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part
of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and
carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is
supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need
to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words
for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an
elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the
'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear
force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt
their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of
the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force
is: His name is Jesus."

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

Comment:
I hope you all had a good laugh. Unfortunately, for those of you living

America, many of your countrymen and even your president believe in this
sort of rubbish.

--
Posted by
Robert Karl Stonjek

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling'
Theory

The Onion
August 17, 2005

KANSAS CITY, KS - As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public
schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose
Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the
Evangelical
Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held
"theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new
theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force,
but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them
down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied
Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity which is taught to our children as a law is
founded
on great gaps in understanding.

The laws predict the mutual force between
all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton
himself said: 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for
which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is
alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of
evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation
of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the
"International Journal Of Science" and the adolescent magazine "God's Word
For Teens!", there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular
gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus
ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian
conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curricula to
give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are
not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only
that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an
informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used
by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent.
Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about
gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics.

This
fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory
in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory
Lunsden. "In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says: 'And if the blind lead the blind,
both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity
making
them fall, just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read: 'But
mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity
is
pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety?
This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law
based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical
physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's
mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general
relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen
Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the
Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part
of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and
carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is
supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need
to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words
for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an
elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the
'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear
force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt
their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of
the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force
is: His name is Jesus."

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2

Comment:
I hope you all had a good laugh. Unfortunately, for those of you living
in
America, many of your countrymen and even your president believe in this
sort of rubbish.

--
Posted by
Robert Karl Stonjek

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling'
Theory

--
Posted by
Robert Karl Stonjek