"Bilge" <dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net> wrote in message
news:slrndvb2q9.6g.dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net...

His majesty the queen, Androcles, filled another blimp:

Bilge wrote:

Hexenmeister, sekret agent -007, bigot with a license to drool:

"Bilge" <dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net> wrote in message
news:slrndv8cl1.6g.dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net...

Hexenmeister, sock puppet sekret agent and mi6 wannabe:

"Bilge" <dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net> wrote in message
news:slrndv48hl.6g.dubious@radioactivex.lebesque-al.net...

Tolga Bozkaya, self-deluded sock puppet from the septic tank:

Nah, I don't speak a word of English. You must have the wrong

guy,

Hexenmeister Androcles Dumbledore B.A. M.Sc. Ph.D.
I know that I don't, "Dr." Bilge Kagan Ceylan Dolan told me so.
He is a genius relativist, you know. You should pay careful

attention

to
anything he says.

Hey Bilge! Caught on yet? Has the fucking penny dropped that

was a

test to see if you are one and the same ***** "New Age" "The
Shining"
"Al-Jihad in Bosnia" Bilge?

Oh, really?

Yes, really.
It was seem I got the pronunciation of your name wrong.

Just like everything else you've done in life.

Instead of the ***** at the bottom of a ship, you are Bill Gay.
Now we know why you are dubious.
Special Branch have been informed of your writings.

Did you call them on your shoe phone?

It's 999 in Britain, a free call. 911 in the USA, also a free call.

I didn't ask if it was free. I asked if you called on your shoe
phone.
Or, do you have to insert coins into your shoe phone? Is that another
one of your sekret agent sekrets?

Why should I hesistate when I have a web page on you for all to see?

Because you are a pansy. Any pantywaist (e.g., you) can put up a web
site full of made up stories

LOL! If they are made up, you made them up. They are all written by
bilge
the kinky muslim. I heard you can get stoned for that and I don't mean
on
marijuana. Best thing you can do is kill yourself painfully.

Still no knock on the door.

Getting anxious?

HUMPTY BILGE EX-PAINS THE TWIN PARADOX

HOWEVER, the crackpot only got larger and larger, and less and less human:
when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a
nose and mouth; and, when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it
was HUMPTY BILGE himself. `It can't be anybody else!' she said to herself.
`I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over his face!'

It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous face.
Humpty Bilge was sitting, with his legs crossed like a Turk, on the top of a
high wall -- such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he could keep
his balance -- and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the opposite
direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she thought he must
be a stuffed figure, after all.

`And how exactly like a crackpot he is!' she said aloud, standing with her
hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to fall.

`It's very provoking,' Humpty Bilge said after a long silence, looking away
from Alice as he spoke, `to be called a crackpot -- very!'

`I said you looked like a crackpot, Sir,' Alice gently explained. `And some
crackpots are very pretty, you know,' she added, hoping to turn her remark
into a sort of compliment.

`Some people,' said Humpty Bilge, looking away from her as usual, `have no
more sense than a baby!'

Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like conversation,
she thought, as he never said anything to her; in fact, his last remark was
evidently addressed to a tree -- so she stood and softly repeated to
herself:

`Humpty Bilge sat on a wall:
Humpty Bilge had a great fall.
All Muhammed the Prophet's horses and all Muhammed the Prophet's men
Couldn't put Humpty Bilge in his place again.'

`That last line is much too long for the poetry,' she added, almost out
loud, forgetting that Humpty Bilge would hear her.

`Don't stand chattering to yourself like that,' Humpty Bilge said, looking
at her for the first time, `but tell me your name and your business.'

`My name is Alice, but --'

`It's a stupid name enough!' Humpty Bilge interrupted impatiently. `What
does it mean?'

`Must a name mean something?' Alice asked doubtfully.

`Of course it must,' Humpty Bilge said with a short laugh: `my name means
the shape I am -- and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like
yours, you might be any shape, almost.'

`Why do you sit out here all alone?' said Alice, not wishing to begin an
argument.

`Why, because there's nobody with me!' cried Humpty Bilge. `Did you think I
didn't know the answer to that? Ask another.'

`Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?' Alice went on, not with
any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured anxiety
for the queer creature. `That wall is so very narrow!'

`What tremendously easy riddles you ask!' Humpty Bilge growled out. `Of
course I don't think so! Why, if ever I did fall off -- which there's no
chance of -- but if I did --' Here he pursed up his lips, and looked so
solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. `If I did fall,' he
went on, `Muhammed the Prophet has promised me -- ah, you may turn pale, if
you like! You didn't think I was going to say that, did you? Muhammed the
Prophet has promised me -- with his very own mouth -- to -- to --'

`To send all his horses and all his men,' Alice interrupted, rather
unwisely.

`Now I declare that's too bad!' Humpty Bilge cried, breaking into a sudden
passion. `You've been listening at doors -- and behind trees -- and down
chimneys -- or you couldn't have known it!'

`I haven't indeed!' Alice said very gently. `It's in a book.'

`Ah, well! They may write such things in a book,' Humpty Bilge said in a
calmer tone. `That's what you call a History of Relativity, that is. Now,
take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to a King, I am: mayhap
you'll never see such another: and, to show you I'm not proud, you may shake
hands with me!' And he grinned almost from ear to ear, as he leant forwards
(and as nearly as possible fell off the wall in doing so) and offered Alice
his hand. She watched him a little anxiously as she took it. `If he smiled
much more the ends of his mouth might meet behind,' she thought: `And then I
don't know what would happen to his head! I'm afraid it would come off!'

`Yes, all his horses and all his men,' Humpty Bilge went on. `They'd pick me
up again in a minute, they would! However, this conversation is going on a
little too fast: let's go back to the last remark but one.'

`I'm afraid I can't quite remember it,' Alice said, very politely.

`In that case we start afresh,' said Humpty Bilge, `and it's my turn to
choose a subject --' (`He talks about it just as if it was a game!' thought
Alice.) `So here's a question for you. How old did you say you were?'

Alice made a short calculation, and said `Seven years and six months.'

`Wrong!' Humpty Bilge exclaimed triumphantly. `You never said a word like
it!'

`I thought you meant "How old are you?"' Alice explained.

`If I'd meant that, I'd have said it,' said Humpty Bilge.

Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing.

`Seven years and six months!' Humpty Bilge repeated thoughtfully. `An
uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked my advice, I'd have said
"Leave off at seven" -- but it's too late now.'

`I never ask advice about growing,' Alice said indignantly.

`Too proud?' the other enquired.

Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. `I mean,' she said, `that
one can't help growing older.'

`One can't, perhaps,' said Humpty Bilge; `but two can. With proper
assistance, you might have left off at seven.'

`What a beautiful turban you've got on!' Alice suddenly remarked. (They had
had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and, if they really
were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) `At least,'
she corrected herself on second thoughts, `a beautiful cravat, I should have
said -- no, a turban, I mean -- I beg your pardon!' she added in dismay, for
Humpty Bilge looked thoroughly offended, and she began to wish she hadn't
chosen that subject. `If only I knew,' she thought to herself, `which was
neck and which was waist!'

Evidently Humpty Bilge was very angry, though he said nothing for a minute
or two. When he did speak again, it was in a deep growl.

`It is a -- most -- provoking -- thing,' he said at last, `when a person
doesn't know a cravat from a turban!'

`I know it's very ignorant of me,' Alice said, in so humble a tone that
Humpty Bilge relented.

`It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a present from
the White King and Queen. There now!'

`Is it really?' said Alice, quite pleased to find that she had chosen a good
subject after all.

`They gave it me,' Humpty Bilge continued thoughtfully as he crossed one
knee over the other and clasped his hands round it, `they gave it me -- for
an un-birthday present.'

`I beg your pardon?' Alice said with a puzzled air.

`I'm not offended,' said Humpty Bilge.

`I mean, what is an un-birthday present?'

`A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course.'

Alice considered a little. `I like birthday presents best,' she said at
last.

`You don't know what you're talking about!' cried Humpty Bilge. `How many
days are there in a year?'

`Three hundred and sixty-five,' said Alice.

`And how many birthdays have you?'

`One.'

`And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five what remains?'

`Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.'

Humpty Bilge looked doubtful. `I'd rather see that done on paper,' he said.

Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum book, and worked
the sum for him:

365
1
----
364
----

Humpty Bilge took the book and looked at it carefully. `That seems to be
done right --' he began.

`You're holding it upside down!' Alice interrupted.

`To be sure I was!' Humpty Bilge said gaily as she turned it round for him.
`I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that seems to be done
right -- though I haven't time to look it over thoroughly just now -- and
that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might
get un-birthday presents --'

`Certainly,' said Alice.

`And only one for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!'

`I don't know what you mean by "glory",' Alice said.

Humpty Bilge smiled contemptuously. `Of course you don't -- till I tell you.
I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"'

`But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument",' Alice objected.

`When I use a word,' Humpty Bilge said, in rather a scornful tone, `it means
just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.'

`The question is,' said Alice, `whether you can make words mean so many
different things.'

`The question is,' said Humpty Bilge, `which is to be master -- that's all.'

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Bilge
began again. `They've a temper, some of them -- particularly verbs: they're
the proudest -- adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs --
however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That's what I
say!'

`Would you tell me please,' said Alice, `what that means?'

`Now you talk like a reasonable child,' said Humpty Bilge, looking very much
pleased. `I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that
subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do
next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of your life.'

`That's a great deal to make one word mean,' Alice said in a thoughtful
tone.

`When I make a word do a lot of work like that,' said Humpty Bilge, `I
always pay it extra.'

`Oh!' said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any other remark.

`Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night,' Humpty Bilge
went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side, `for to get their
wages, you know.'

(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I can't
tell you.)

`You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir,' said Alice. `Would you
kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'

`Let's hear it,' said Humpty Bilge. `I can explain all the poems that ever
were invented -- and a good many that haven't been invented just yet.'

This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse:

`'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.'

`That's enough to begin with,' Humpty Bilge interrupted: `there are plenty
of hard words there. "Brillig" means four o'clock in the afternoon -- the
time when you begin broiling things for dinner.'

`That'll do very well,' said Alice: `and "slithy"?'

`Well, "slithy" means "lithe and slimy". "Lithe" is the same as "active".
You see it's like a portmanteau -- there are two meanings packed up into one
word.'

`I see it now,' Alice remarked thoughtfully: `and what are "toves"?'

`Well, "toves" are something like badgers -- they're something like
lizards -- and they're something like corkscrews.'

`They must be very curious-looking creatures.'

`They are that,' said Humpty Bilge; `also they make their nests under
sun-dials -- also they live on cheese.'

`And what's to "gyre" and to "gimble"?'

`To "gyre" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "gimble" is to make
holes like a gimlet.'

`And "the wabe" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?' said Alice,
surprised at her own ingenuity.

`Of course it is. It's called "wabe" you know, because it goes a long way
before it, and a long way behind it --'

`And a long way beyond it on each side,' Alice added.

`Exactly so. Well then, "mimsy" is "flimsy and miserable" (there's another
portmanteau for you). And a "borogove" is a thin shabby-looking bird with
its feathers sticking out all round -- something like a live mop.'

`And then "mome raths"?' said Alice. `I'm afraid I'm giving you a great deal
of trouble.'

`Well, a "rath" is a sort of green pig: but "mome" I'm not certain about. I
think it's short for "from home" -- meaning that they'd lost their way, you
know.'

`And what does "outgrabe" mean?'

`Well, "outgribing" is something between bellowing and whistling, with a
kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe -- down in
the wood yonder -- and, when you've once heard it, you'll be quite content.
Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?'

`I read it in a book,' said Alice. `But I had some poetry repeated to me
much easier than that, by - Tom Roberts, I think.'

`As to poetry, you know,' said Humpty Bilge, stretching out one of his great
hands, `I can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it comes to that --'

`Oh, it needn't come to that!' Alice hastily said, hoping to keep him from
beginning.

`The piece I'm going to repeat,' he went on without noticing her remark,
`was written entirely for your amusement.'

Alice felt that in that case she really ought to listen to it; so she sat
down, and said `Thank you' rather sadly,

`In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight --

only I don't sing it,' he added, as an explanation.

`I see you don't,' said Alice.

`If you can see whether I'm singing or not, you've sharper eyes than most,'
Humpty Bilge remarked severely. Alice was silent.

`In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean:

`Thank you very much,' said Alice.

`In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:

In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down.'

`I will, if I can remember it so long,' said Alice.

`You needn't go on making remarks like that,' Humpty Bilge said: `they're
not sensible, and they put me out.'

`I sent a message to the fish:
I told them "This is what I wish."

The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.

The little fishes' answer was
"We cannot do it, Sir, because --"'

`I'm afraid I don't quite understand,' said Alice.
`It gets easier further on,' Humpty Bilge replied.

`I sent to them again to say
"It will be better to obey."

The fishes answered, with a grin,
"Why, what a temper you are in!"

I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.

I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.

My heart went hop, my heart went thump:
I filled the kettle at the pump.

Then some one came to me and said
"The little fishes are in bed."

I said to him, I said it plain,
"Then you must wake them up again."

I said it very loud and clear:
I went and shouted in his ear.'

Humpty Bilge raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this verse,
and Alice thought with a shudder, `I wouldn't have been the messenger for
anything!'

`But he was very stiff and proud:
He said, "You needn't shout so loud!"

And he was very proud and stiff:
He said "I'd go and wake them, if --"

I took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked.

And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but--'

There was a long pause.

`Is that all?' Alice timidly asked.

`That's all,' said Humpty Bilge. `Good-bye.'

This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a very strong hint
that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to stay.
So she got up, and held out her hand. `Good-bye, till we meet again!' she
said as cheerfully as she could.

`I shouldn't know you again if we did meet,' Humpty Bilge replied in a
discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake: `you're so
exactly like other people.'

`The face is what one goes by, generally,' Alice remarked in a thoughtful
tone.

`That's just what I complain of,' said Humpty Bilge. `Your face is the same
as everybody has -- the two eyes, so --' (marking their places in the air
with his thumb) `nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always the same. Now
if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance -- or the
mouth at the top -- that would be some help.'

`It wouldn't look nice,' Alice objected. But Humpty Bilge only shut his
eyes, and said `Wait till you've tried.'

Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but, as he never
opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said `Good-bye!' once
more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away: but she
couldn't help saying to herself, as she went, `of all the unsatisfactory --'
(she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort to have such a long word
to say) `of all the unsatisfactory people I ever met --' She never finished
the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash shook the forest from end to
end.









Perhaps you should go shopping for some

new cajones before you expel your next round of hot air. You'll still
be just as stupid, but at least everyone will get a good laugh from
the fact that you would have the cajones to act out your stupidity.

Hey - here's an idea: Why don't you go uy some tights and a cape
and draw a big ``A'' on the front. Then, drop by the nearest precinct
that has another super hero, like batman, on staff. They can't help but
take you seriously, especially if you wear your elf shoes with the
sekret phone.

because you've got your panties in a snit,
but it takes a real idiot to whine to some government agency with a
fabricated story under the misguided delusion that their job is to
make up for your own stupidity when posting to usenet.

Costs me nothing, *****.

Three days and no knock on the door. I'll bet you wimped out.
Better go have your wrist tightened.

The wheels of justice may grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly

small.

Androcles.

Well, androsleaze, no one has knocked on my door yet.

I'm not really surprised.

I'm not either. Although you are stupid enough, you lack the cajones
needed to make the call and probaly don't have the money to use your
shoe phone.

They'll monitor you for a while to see who else
you contact, those guys like to have all their ducks in a row.

Is this from your personal experience as an engineer for mi6 or
did you deduce this after studying some algebra?

It's the rednecks with hunting rifles that are your greatest danger
right now.

Well then, if cheney calls me to hunting, I'll just say no.

Did you see on the news that Bush is getting a rollicking for phone
tapping? Your IP address is well known too.

Being pasted all over your padded cell doesn't qualify as well-known.

But then, you know a lot about computers, I don't need to tell you

that.

You really don't need to tell anybody aything, since you have nothing
worthwhile to say.

Run for it, and it'll be Guantanamo Bay for you. They've thrown away
the key but you can still get in.

But room service will not be able to get in, so I'm going to have to
scratch that off of my choice of vacation spots. Keep in touch with
your buddies at CONTROL and let me know when they find the key.

Why not kill yourself painfully? You know it makes sense.
C'mon, *****. Deny you are a raghead Allah lover, here.

The most amazing thing about stupid bigots such as yourself, is
that you really believe the rest of the world will be just as
offended as you would be by your ethnic slurs.

Ethnic, *****?
No way, I detest all religion, Allah lover, whether gods or
relativity.
You lot put your arse up in the air five times a day and grovel hoping
to
be fucked, you kinky *****, and the Catholics and Judaeists only kiss
arse to get a place in some imagined heaven. The Catholics are hooked
on virgin mothers, you lot on virgin children. You all think with your
*****.

The fact is, I
would hate to be you.

We all know you hate Westerners, raghead. It shows up in your posts.

Are you
sure you weren't too much of a pantywaist to back up your hot air?

Yes, very sure. Your number is up.

Not even if you had the cajones to make the call.

I'm betting you are too much of a pantywaist to do anything more
than spew hot air.

Oh dear... that's a bottle of Glenlivet you owe me.

To the best I can tell, it's been several days now and for some
odd reason, not one sekret agent has come around to slap my wrist
for pissing you off. Why do you think that is?

I told you, they want their ducks in a row. First they have to assess
the evidence
which is still on my website, then get a warrant from a judge. They'll
snatch you
if you run, though.

Maybe you need some
cajones in order to act out your little fantasy.