Tied Up & Strung Out: Hollywood String Theory Movie!!!

Tied Up & Strung Out: Hollywood String Theory Movie!!! Looking For
Extras!!!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)
http://physicsmathforums.com/showthread.php?t=56

ALL TIED UP & STRUNG ALONG, a movie about String Theorists and their
expansive theories which extend human ignorance, pomposity, and frailty
into higher dimensions, is set to start filming this fall. Jessica
Alba, John Cleese, Eugene Levie, Jackie Chan, and David Duchovney of
X-files fame have all signed on to the $700 million Hollywood project,
which is still cheaper than String Theory itself, and will likely
displace less physicists from the academy.



"As contemporary physics is about money, hype, mythology, and chicks,"
Ed Witten explained from his offices at the Princeton Institute for
Advanced Study, "The next logical step was Hollywood, although I
thought Burt Reynolds should play me instead of Eugene Levy."



Brian Greene, the famous String Theorist who will be played by David
"the truth is out there" Duchovney, explained the plot: "String
theory's muddled, contorted theories that lack postulates, laws, and
experimentally-verified equations have Einstein spinning so fast in his
grave that it creates a black hole. In order to save the world, we
String Theorists have to stop reformulating String Theory faster than
the speed of light. We are called upon to stop violating the
conservation of energy by mining higher dimensions to publish more BS
than can accounted for with the Big Bang alone, and I win the Nobel
prize for showing that M-Theory is in fact the dark matter it has been
searching for."


Greene continues: "At first my character is reluctant to stop
theorizing and start postulating, but when my love interest Jessica
Alba is sucked into the black hole, I search my soul and find Paul
Davies there, played by John Cleese. I ask him what he's doing in my
soul, and he explains that the answer is contained in the mind of God,
which only he is privy too, but for a small fee, some tax and tuition
dollars, a couple grants here and there, and an all-expense-paid book
tour with stops in Zurich and Honolulu, he can let me in on it. And he
shows me God in all her greater glory, as he points out that we can
make more money in Hollywood than writing coffee-table books that
recycle Einstein, Bohr, Dirac, Feynman, and Wheeler. I am quickly
converted, and I agree to turn my back on String Theory's hoax and save
Jessica Alba."


But it's not that easy, as standing in Greene's way is Michio "king of
pop-theory-hipster-irony-the-theory-of-everything-or-anything-made-
you-read-this" Kaku, played by Jackie Chan. Kaku beats the crap out of
Greene for alomst blowing the "ironic" pretense his salary, benefits,
and all-expense paid trips depend on. "WE MUST HOLD BACK THE YOUNG
SCIENTISTS WITH OUR NON-THEORIES!! WE MUST FILL THE ACADEMY WITH THE
POMO DARK MATTER THAT IS STRING THEORY TO KEEP OUR UNIVERSE FROM FLYING
APART, OUR PYRAMID SCHEMES FROM TOPPLING, AND OUR PERPETUAL-MOTION NSF
MONEY MACHINE FROM STOPPING!!" Kaku argues as he delivers a flying
back-kick, "There can be ony ONE! I WILL be String Theory's GODFATHER
as referenced on my web page!! I have better hair!"

But Greene fights back as he signs his seventeenth book deal to make
the hand-waving incoherence of String Theory accessible to the South
Park generation, senior citizens, and starving chirldren around the
world. "Kaku! Kaku! (pronounced Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw! like Owen Wilson did in
Bottle Rocket)," Greene shouts. "It is theoretically impossible to
build a coffee tables strong enough to support any more coffee-table
physics books!!!"

"Time travel is also theoretically impossible, but there's a helluva
lot more money for us in flushing physics down a wormhole. Nobody knows
what the #&#%&$ M stands for in M theory ya hand-waving, TV-hogging
crank!!! Get it?? Ha Ha Ha! We're laughing at the public! We're the
insider pomo hipsters! Get with the gangsta-wanksta-pranksta CRANKSTER
bling-bling program!!"


How does it all end? Does physics go bankrupt funding theories that
have expanded our ignorance from four dimensions into ten, twenty, and
thirty dimensions? Do tax payers revolt? Do young physicists overthrow
the hand-waving, contortionist bullies and revive physics with a
classical renaissance favoring logic, reason, and Truth over
meaningless mathematical abstractions? Does Moving Dimensions Theory
(MDT) prevail with its simple postulate? We'll all just have to wait!

But in the meantime, how do you think it will play out?

Will theories with postulates ever be allowed in physics again? Or will
the well-funded, tenured pomo String Theory / M-Theory (Maffia-Theory)
Priests send their armies of desperate, snarky postdocs and starving
graduate students forth to displace and destroy all common sense,
logic, reason, and physics in the academy? It must be so--for the
greater good of physics, the individual physicist, and thus physics,
must be sacrificed.

MDT's postulate: THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS EXPANDING AT A RATE OF C
RELATIVE TO THE THREE SPATIAL DIMENSIONS IN QUANTIZED UNITS OF THE
PLANCK LENGTH, GIVING RISE TO TIME AND ALL CLASSICAL, QUANTUM
MECHANICAL, AND RELATIVISTIC PHENOMENA.

http://revver.com/video/48391/
http://physicsmathforums.com/showthread.php?t=56

Tied Up & Strung Out: Hollywood String Theory Movie!!! Looking For
Extras!!!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
http://revver.com/video/48391/ (WATCH IT!)
http://physicsmathforums.com/showthread.php?t=56

ALL TIED UP & STRUNG ALONG, a movie about String Theorists and their
expansive theories which extend human ignorance, pomposity, and frailty
into higher dimensions, is set to start filming this fall. Jessica
Alba, John Cleese, Eugene Levie, Jackie Chan, and David Duchovney of
X-files fame have all signed on to the $700 million Hollywood project,
which is still cheaper than String Theory itself, and will likely
displace less physicists from the academy.



"As contemporary physics is about money, hype, mythology, and chicks,"
Ed Witten explained from his offices at the Princeton Institute for
Advanced Study, "The next logical step was Hollywood, although I
thought Burt Reynolds should play me instead of Eugene Levy."



Brian Greene, the famous String Theorist who will be played by David
"the truth is out there" Duchovney, explained the plot: "String
theory's muddled, contorted theories that lack postulates, laws, and
experimentally-verified equations have Einstein spinning so fast in his
grave that it creates a black hole. In order to save the world, we
String Theorists have to stop reformulating String Theory faster than
the speed of light. We are called upon to stop violating the
conservation of energy by mining higher dimensions to publish more BS
than can accounted for with the Big Bang alone, and I win the Nobel
prize for showing that M-Theory is in fact the dark matter it has been
searching for."


Greene continues: "At first my character is reluctant to stop
theorizing and start postulating, but when my love interest Jessica
Alba is sucked into the black hole, I search my soul and find Paul
Davies there, played by John Cleese. I ask him what he's doing in my
soul, and he explains that the answer is contained in the mind of God,
which only he is privy too, but for a small fee, some tax and tuition
dollars, a couple grants here and there, and an all-expense-paid book
tour with stops in Zurich and Honolulu, he can let me in on it. And he
shows me God in all her greater glory, as he points out that we can
make more money in Hollywood than writing coffee-table books that
recycle Einstein, Bohr, Dirac, Feynman, and Wheeler. I am quickly
converted, and I agree to turn my back on String Theory's hoax and save
Jessica Alba."


But it's not that easy, as standing in Greene's way is Michio "king of
pop-theory-hipster-irony-the-theory-of-everything-or-anything-made-
you-read-this" Kaku, played by Jackie Chan. Kaku beats the crap out of
Greene for alomst blowing the "ironic" pretense his salary, benefits,
and all-expense paid trips depend on. "WE MUST HOLD BACK THE YOUNG
SCIENTISTS WITH OUR NON-THEORIES!! WE MUST FILL THE ACADEMY WITH THE
POMO DARK MATTER THAT IS STRING THEORY TO KEEP OUR UNIVERSE FROM FLYING
APART, OUR PYRAMID SCHEMES FROM TOPPLING, AND OUR PERPETUAL-MOTION NSF
MONEY MACHINE FROM STOPPING!!" Kaku argues as he delivers a flying
back-kick, "There can be ony ONE! I WILL be String Theory's GODFATHER
as referenced on my web page!! I have better hair!"

But Greene fights back as he signs his seventeenth book deal to make
the hand-waving incoherence of String Theory accessible to the South
Park generation, senior citizens, and starving chirldren around the
world. "Kaku! Kaku! (pronounced Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw! like Owen Wilson did in
Bottle Rocket)," Greene shouts. "It is theoretically impossible to
build a coffee tables strong enough to support any more coffee-table
physics books!!!"

"Time travel is also theoretically impossible, but there's a helluva
lot more money for us in flushing physics down a wormhole. Nobody knows
what the #&#%&$ M stands for in M theory ya hand-waving, TV-hogging
crank!!! Get it?? Ha Ha Ha! We're laughing at the public! We're the
insider pomo hipsters! Get with the gangsta-wanksta-pranksta CRANKSTER
bling-bling program!!"


How does it all end? Does physics go bankrupt funding theories that
have expanded our ignorance from four dimensions into ten, twenty, and
thirty dimensions? Do tax payers revolt? Do young physicists overthrow
the hand-waving, contortionist bullies and revive physics with a
classical renaissance favoring logic, reason, and Truth over
meaningless mathematical abstractions? Does Moving Dimensions Theory
(MDT) prevail with its simple postulate? We'll all just have to wait!

But in the meantime, how do you think it will play out?

Will theories with postulates ever be allowed in physics again? Or will
the well-funded, tenured pomo String Theory / M-Theory (Maffia-Theory)
Priests send their armies of desperate, snarky postdocs and starving
graduate students forth to displace and destroy all common sense,
logic, reason, and physics in the academy? It must be so--for the
greater good of physics, the individual physicist, and thus physics,
must be sacrificed.

MDT's postulate: THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS EXPANDING AT A RATE OF C
RELATIVE TO THE THREE SPATIAL DIMENSIONS IN QUANTIZED UNITS OF THE
PLANCK LENGTH, GIVING RISE TO TIME AND ALL CLASSICAL, QUANTUM
MECHANICAL, AND RELATIVISTIC PHENOMENA.

http://revver.com/video/48391/
http://physicsmathforums.com/showthread.php?t=56