Global Warming: Moving Towards Metrosexuals
By Daniel Clark
Mar 17, 2007
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272612158.shtml

The latest point of emphasis in the global warming movement is that
cattle farming endangers the planet by producing too much methane. So
now, steaks and hamburgers are classified as instruments of
destruction, along with large vehicles, lawn mowers, and charcoal
grills. It can't be much longer before cowboy movies, cigars and
hockey are held to be enemies of the earth as well.

This has got to be the most blatant assault on guyhood since ABC moved
Coach to the same night as Roseanne, and turned Hayden Fox into Phil
Donahue. It's a wonder that liberals don't cut to the chase, by simply
claiming that global warming is caused by testosterone. Then, they
could make public school nurses siphon the offending fluid from the
boys during health class.

Many environmentalists believe that the earth is a living organism,
personified by the Greek goddess Gaia. Conveniently, it turns out that
Gaia is a shrew, who demands that her men be reduced to henpecked,
metrosexual noodles. Manliness makes Gaia angry, and we wouldn't like
her when she's angry, because she'll turn into a green monster and
start smashing everything to bits. Hell hath no fury like an earth
goddess exposed to excessive cattle-produced methane emissions.

Wouldn't it be more plausible if a few items like styling gel, latte
makers and tofu were said to destroy the planet as well? Perhaps, but
that would not serve the purpose of expanding the base of the global
warming movement. Since no liberal cause can produce much support on
its own, any one of them must ally itself with all other liberal
causes, so that they can pool their resources.

That's why it's almost impossible to distinguish the original purpose
of a left-wing political rally. What starts out being an 'anti-war'
demonstration will invariably become an convention of
environmentalists, gun control advocates, pro-abortionists, animal
rights activists, racial Balkanists, and outright Communists, because
that's the only way to prevent the size of the crowd from being
laughably small. Therefore, environmental alarmists must incorporate
other causes within their own, in order to keep their core of support
relatively large and energized. Clearly, they've determined their
alliance with the feminists to be vital to these ends.

It's not coincidental that the icon of the global warming movement is
former vice president Al Gore, who, during the 2000 presidential
campaign, sought advice from feminist author Naomi Wolf on how to
become an "alpha male." Needless to say, she did not suggest that he
scarf down a steak sandwich while sitting behind the wheel of a riding
mower. Instead, her solution was to dress him in earth tones, as if
obsessing over his wardrobe was any way to attain guydom. Never is it
manly to ask, "does this make my butt look big," even if you want the
answer to be yes.

For Wolf to tell Gore that he'd become an "alpha male" just by wearing
the right clothing is a little like a mother patronizing her young
child. She probably got the idea when Gore put a bucket over his head
and said, "Look, Ms. Wolf, I'm an astronaut," and she replied, "Yes,
of course you are, dear."

Images of global destruction being more powerful than images of
normalcy and stability, Gore and friends are bound to win the
competition for people's emotions. Hence, they are now deterring any
analysis of the issue, by calling skeptics "global warming deniers," a
not very subtle comparison to neo-Nazis. If we succumb to this
intimidation like a bunch of namby-pamby rice cake eaters, the debate
will be lost for good.

Thus, the global warming movement seeks to repress guyhood in order to
perpetuate itself. If a guy is shown a picture of a sad-looking polar
bear adrift on an ice floe, his first thought will be something like,
"I've heard that bear steaks are tough, but maybe if you marinated
them in beer, they'd turn out all right." At that point, the
alarmists' emotional ploy is foiled. In a world without guy stuff,
however, his vacant mind may be invaded by irrationalities like, "Who
will take care of the polar bears' children?"

In this chicken-and-the-egg scenario, the success of the global
warming movement is both the cause and effect of our society's
emasculation. It would have never gotten this far if the "Nineties
Man" hadn't paved the way. When "I feel your pain" became a successful
presidential campaign slogan, we should have known that
charcoal-grilled steaks would soon be on the endangered list.