| Topic: |
Politics > Politics-USA |
| User: |
"AWOL Coward GW Chimpzilla" |
| Date: |
18 Aug 2004 08:27:26 PM |
| Object: |
Laura Bush's Guide to Stem Cell Research (and Other Scientific Stuff) |
First Lady Laura Bush's Guide to Understanding So-Called Stem Cell Research and
Other Kinds of Pseudoscientific Flapdoodle
Hello there. I'm Laura Bush. Call me a fussbudget, but as one of the world's
great readers of stuff, I make it a point to stay current on all the issues
that matter in today's complicated, perverted, and frightening world. Yes
indeedy, even with my demanding schedule as a stay-at-home mom for two college
graduates, I'm never too busy to keep up on my reading – whether it's spending
hours upon lonely hours gazing at the cracked plaster above my antique bed to
find Spanglish words hidden in the ceiling, or reading aloud from pop-up books
salty enough to retain the attention of a roomful of colored kindergarden
urchins. Not surprisingly, all that reading has made me quite the crackerjack
science expert over the years, too. Yessirooni it has! And now all the world
can benefit from my smartness when it comes to understanding all sorts of
complicated stuff that is beyond the grasp of our spouses! Here are some
examples:
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Stem cell research has the potential to
revolutionize the treatment of illness and reduce human suffering throughout
the world.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: " "That's ridiculous! We don't even know
that stem cell research will provide cures for anything - much less that it's
very close! If that bossy French woman Madame Curie had been smart enough to
see things my way, she would have enjoyed a lot more quality time with her
incorrigible children instead of wasting time in lab surrounded by rats and
fungus. "
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Studying a newly discovered species helps us
better understand other organisms within its genus.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "What nonsense! We don't even know that
learning about something will teach us anything – much less that it ever can!
Besides, I don't know about you all, but I get to the point where my brain just
says, 'Hold your horses, Laura! That's enough information and ideas for this
month.'"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Sending new rockets into space will lead to a
greater understanding of our planet and solar system.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "Jiminy Cricket, I don't understand why
folks are so eager to let Martians know we are here. Don't we have enough
trouble with foreign trash sneaking over the border as it is? Besides, we don't
even know that new rockets will rocketize properly - much less that the round
earth theory will prove out!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: New inventions currently under development may
one day dramatically impact the way we live our daily lives.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "That's absurd! After my hubby fell off of
that doggone Segway three or four times, I decided the world simply doesn't
need any more newfangled inventions!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Experimental drugs need to be tested in order
to determine their efficacy and subsequently save lives.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "That is just ludicrous! We don't know that
giving drugs to people will have any effect - much less that they'll be
anywhere near as good as Xanax. Besides, as far as I'm concerned, there has
been quite enough experimentation with drugs in this household to last a
millennium!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: The way to test a theory is to submit
predictions to comprehensive and rigorous experimentation.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "That's preposterous! Use your heads
people: how in the word can a theory sit down and take a test? We don't even
know that theories can be tested - much less that they'll score high enough to
be legacied into Yale!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Every object in a state of uniform motion
tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to
it.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "How silly! Anyone who has thrown, with
great force I might add, as many shot glasses and Fiestaware plates across
rooms as I have knows only too well that stuff flying through space stops when
it hits a wall - or your hubby's noggin."
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Initiating an archaeological excavation is a
wonderful way to unearth lost cultures and better understand human history.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "Poppycock! If my hubby's long string of
failed oil drilling ventures proved one thing it is this: digging holes in the
ground is a just a waste of money!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: The practice of conservationism enables
society to manage natural resources so as to maximize benefits over a long
period of time.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "Pshaw! We don't even know that conserving
things results in conservation - much less that conserved things last longer
and leave you with a house full of extra stuff you don't have any space for!"
POPULAR SCIENTIFIC MISCONCEPTION: Legitimate scientific findings must be
reproducible, based upon logical and/or mathematical reasoning, and maintain
rigorous standards for honesty and accuracy.
DR. LAURA SETS THE RECORD STRAIGHT: "Oh boy, that's a corker! We don't even
know that that modern science stuff is even real - much less that it supports
all the HARD scientific truths about the origins of the universe that are
spelled out clear as day in Jesus Christ's best-selling biography The Holy
Bible!"
http://www.whitehouse.org/firstlady/science.asp
.
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
