http://www.democraticunderground.com/articles/05/12/10_bush.html
New Bush Counter-Terrorism Plan Unveiled: President Will Stand in
Front of Soldiers, Repeat Words "Victory" and "Freedom"
December 10, 2005
Satire by David Albrecht
WASHINGTON --
As storm clouds gather around the White House, and as public doubts
grow with each new casualty report, President Bush's staff revealed
today that he will aggressively and personally take his case for
invading Iraq to the American people -- by making speeches in front of
carefully screened military audiences.
The president plans to appear on stages containing lots and lots of
flags and weapons.
In addition, Mr. Bush intends to use words like "freedom" and
"victory" over and over again, both to soothe widespread doubts on the
soaring human and economic costs of the Iraq War and for the purpose
of eliminating terrorist threats to the United States.
According to staffers speaking largely off the record, the president's
plans over the next few weeks will include "at least two or three"
visits to military bases across America.
These events, the likes of which Beltway insiders have not seen for at
least two or three days, are likely to include large numbers of
military personnel whom, it is reported, will wear uniforms for the
occasion of the presidential visit.
"Some events will be formal", according to one member of the White
House Press Office, "and President Bush will wear a suit and tie to
match the formal uniforms worn by the service members present.
So, say he visits West Point -- the cadets will wear full-dress
uniforms, and he'll wear one of his nicer suits."
However, this is only one of the tactics the president's staff will
employ as they fight for victory over global terrorism.
Some events will be, in the words of the same unnamed staffer,
"somewhat informal", and will feature soldiers or Marines in fatigues,
which will be matched by a casual look for the president -- "perhaps
blue jeans and a jacket with a logo on it -- Navy, Air Guard, Coast
Force, what have you."
Collectively, these carefully stage-managed images will convey not
only strong uniformity but steely resolve as well.
The White House is also hoping to transmit the idea that a fit and
well-rested president -- renowned for his regular exercise regimen -
is ready for any terrorist threat.
In the words of Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "He's ready to roll
up his fatigue sleeves and go to work anytime, anywhere -- just like
our men and women in uniform."
The sight of the president, large numbers of uniformed personnel and
rows of flags, experts believe, will sap terrorist morale and crush
terror plots while building national unity for the Bush program.
In combination with the borderline-butch imagery of military uniforms,
according to McClellan, specially placed hardware "will devastate the
terrorists' will to win."
Particularly effective, he noted, will be the presence of big, shiny
and vaguely scary machines -- i.e. tanks and helicopters -- "in a
variety of tough, industrial color schemes, with really
official-looking logos."
Missiles and cannon will offer an additional punchy and powerfully
phallic image with which to counter Islamic revolutionary terror.
But stirring images aren't the only part of the White House plan.
Words like "freedom," "resolve", and "victory" will be deployed and
used again and again to inspire and unify America, and to terrify
radical Islamists and insurgents.
The administration also intends to utilize specially tasked vocabulary
elements, such as "September 11th", "liberty", "human rights", and
"democracy" to surround terrorist units, and such words and phrases as
"sacrifice", "enemies of humanity" and "no substitute for victory" to
destroy them.
The president will stand on a raised platform which will in effect
raise him above the crowd and make him appear taller during these
appearances, McClellan confirmed.
He will also employ video and audio technologies to both appear and
sound larger than he does in real life, making both words and images
doubly devastating to the Iraqi insurgents.
When asked for estimates on how long the president would travel the
country to appear before military audiences, White House Chief of
Staff Andrew Card noted that victory could take years to achieve.
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For those who might have missed it, this is satire.
Harry
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