http://citypaper.com/columns/story.asp?id=11947

6/21/2006

When Things Were Rotten

by Brian Morton


Itâs a glorious time to be a liberal.

No--really, it is.

When Republicans are eager to call their own kind liberals in order to
avoid the blame of the sinking ship of state we happen to be riding,
then it must be a good time to be left of center, or at least not be
right of it.

Sure, thereâs always a crook like U.S. Rep. William Jefferson on the
left for hard-core righties to crow about--nothing like finding 90
grand in the freezer to announce your ethical righteousness to the
world.

But really, Jefferson isnât part of some giant wide-reaching web of
corruption; he comes from Louisiana, fer chrissakes.

Down in that part of the country, thatâs almost a political lagniappe.

Let the good times roll, as they say.

But on the right-hand side of the aisle, the hits just keep coming.

The swirling miasma of sleaze surrounding already-convicted
Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham is widening, and the bathtub ring
of criminality following convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff is still
leaving residue all over a number of Republican congressmen.

Already thereâs an investigation of powerful House Appropriations
Committee Chairman Jerry Lewis (R-Calif.) due to the interesting idea
that oneâs employees can make great side money as lobbyists while
still working as congressional staffers.

In the meantime, the presidentâs approval ratings, while taking a
miniscule bounce here and there, still hover under 40 percent.

And hereâs why itâs now fun to be a liberal:

When a president is loved by that few of his constituents, the blame
starts coming out.

The first thing the Republicans do is start claiming so-and-so "isnât
a real conservative."

Four years ago, right-wingers would stand up proudly to climb in your
case if you called yourself a liberal--hell, theyâd line up to take
turns, like the people waiting to whack that woman to her senses in
Airplane!

Nowadays, if you get into a political argument about George W. Bush,
those same people say, "Well, Iâm an independent," before they start
talking about how all Americaâs troubles are the Democratsâ fault.

Itâs like how everyoneâs a Yankees or Cowboys fan--until they start
losing.

Right-wingers spend gobs of time telling liberals what they should be
doing, which is always amusing, seeing as how we all know that theyâve
got such earnest motives at heart.

You canât go a week without seeing conservatives telling liberals what
they should be doing to regain the love of the American people, at the
same time that their Congress, their president, and their Supreme
Court are fundamentally undermining the Constitution, sabotaging the
military, and bankrupting the country.

Antonin Scalia last week authored a court opinion that essentially
hollowed out the Fourth Amendment under the pretext that American
police are so well-trained that search-and seizure conventions dating
to the 13th century--the idea that police have to knock before they
bash your door in--are moot.

Bush has declared that because he is a commander in chief in wartime,
a "unitary executive," he can do what he wants, no matter what the
laws passed by Congress say.

And that same Congress, while underfunding the militaryâs need for
body armor in Iraq, is steadily tearing apart the system that supports
those troops once they come back from abroad.

Just last week Fort Sam Houston in Texas was ordered to pay $4.2
million in back payments for electric power at the risk of lights
going out.

More than half the country favors setting a timetable to get the
troops out of the war Bush lied us into in Iraq, yet the right-wingers
call it "cutting and running."

And then they impugn the military service of one of the most honorable
veterans in Congress, pro-military Democratic Rep. John Murtha of
Pennsylvania.

But Bush is no longer a true conservative, according to the wing nuts,
because if he were, well, heâd be popular like Ronald Reagan now,
wouldnât he?

And if a "conservative" isnât popular, despite tax cuts every year
since taking office, then he isnât a conservative.

Itâs sort of like how New Republic editor Jonathan Chait put it when
he quoted liberal author Rick Perlstein.

Perlstein said, "Conservatism never fails.

It is only failed."

Chait says in addendum, "Bush has failed. Therefore he cannot be a
conservative."

So donât be surprised if the next person with whom you argue politics
doesnât claim to be a Republican when you want to talk about the
problems the current reigning party has beset on the country.

They only want to hang with winners.

And for that, they may have to wait a long time.

___________________________________________________

You must feel deeply for the rightards hopeless attempt to escape
their self-made gallows. Be sympathetic. It's the liberal way.

Harry