(The late Mike Royko had some interesting ideas on the draft back in
the early 90's.) -
by Mike Royko -
That politically dreaded "D" word is finally being
uttered In Washington. "D," as in Draft, as in
grab those young people, put them in uniform, teach
them how to aim a rlfle, and ship them out.
Military experts are now saying that if we're
going to hurry up and fight Iraq, as President Bush
wishes, we'll need more able bodies.
Simple arithmetic. We're putting a vast army
in Saudi Arabia, so we're shorthanded else.
where. If we have to replace those in the desert
because they die, are wounded or are rotated,
and someone has to take their place
..
And since young men and women aren't
rushing to enlistment offices these days, the
only way to fill the manpower gap is to restore
the draft, which ended In 1973.
If it must be, OK, it must be. But If we're
going to have a draft, it should be done fairly.
The question is, what is fair? We all have our
own ideas about falrness, so here's mine, in the
order that draftees should be called.
1) The first group should be the draft-age sons,
daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchil-
dren of all members of the Bush administration.
And not for any typewriter or filing duty. No,
they should be given a crash course in fighting
agalnst naked aggression and shipped directly
to the front.
That's fair, I believe, because this rush to war
is Mr. Bush's Idea. He didn't ask the American
people, he didn't ask Congress, and maybe he
didn't even ask the guy sharing his golf cart.
Yes, he asked the United Nations, but I'm not
sure how many Americans want their kids to
get their marching orders from our old pals, the
Soviet Union and China.
2) The next group to be called should be the
sons, daughters, grandchildren, etc., of those
members of Congress who are Bush's cheerlead-
ers. If they believe we should go charging into
Iraq let their kin lead the charge.
3) The sons, daughters, etc., of the top execu-
tlves of any American corporations that sold
Iraq any of the military gadgetry and hardware
that has helped make it possible for Saddam
Husseln to become a pain in the international
behind. You helped give him more bang for his
buck. Now go hear the bang.
4) The offspring of the chief executive officers of
the Fortune 500 companies. I have noth-
ing personal against them, but if they have any
thoughts about the advisability of war, they
can get Mr. Bush's attention a little easier than
the guy who changes the oil in my car.
5) The young members of the 100,000 weathiest
families in America. Once again, it's nothing
personal. But my guess is that a hell of a lot
more of these families voted for Mr. Bush than,
say, the 100,000 poorest families. So if he's their
guy, they should show their enthusiasm and
support for their commander In chief by shov-
ing junior into the arms of the drill sergeant.
6) This might be difficult but in the modern
age of technology, alot is possible. A special task
force should read every letters section of every
newspaper published since the war crisis began.
They should look for letters that say things like:
"Let's get in there and get this thing over with
.... ," or "Let's blast Saddam back to ... "The
names of the letter writers should be noted, and
if they are not lame or infirmed, they and their
entire families should be sent draft notices.
7) While the task force is scanning the letters
ten, it can check out the editorials and col-
umns. Anybody who wrote anything indicating
an eagerness for the shooting to start - off to
boot camp, killer.
8) Mr. Bush's son Neil. He might be over
draft age, but the lad still looks young and spry.
And being drafted would teach him that the pen
might be mightier than the sword in a back-
room S&L deal, but not on a battlefield.
9) Vice President Dan Quayle. During lulls in
the shooting, he could work on his sand wedge.
Have I missed anyone? Probably. I wonder
how Henry Kissinger would look In a gas mask.
Some advocates of a fair draft say that there
should be no deferments as there were to the
point of scandal during the Vietnam War.
But I disagree. I would grant an automatic
deferment, upon request, to anyone whose fa-
ther was killed or wounded In the Vietnam War.
In fact, the deferment, would apply to anyone
whose father served in Vietnam.
They should have the right to say "No,.
thanks, Mr. Bush, our families provided alI
those names for one memorial wall in Washing-
ton; why doesn't your crowd fill in the next?"
Mike Royko wrote for the Chicago Tribune.
His column was distributed by Tribune Media Ser-
vices.
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