Liberals come in all shapes and sizes, just like people.
Personalitywise, unlike most people, liberals tend to fall into
well-defined categories.

Let's see.

Liberals come in all shapes and sizes, just like people.
Personalitywise, unlike most people, liberals tend to fall into
well-defined categories.

Liberals come in all shapes and sizes, just like people.
Personalitywise, unlike most people, liberals tend to fall into
well-defined categories.

Let's see.

There's the mushy, slushy, misty-eyed, thoroughly nauseating liberal
(MSMETNL). An easily recognizable sort, his facial expression looks as
if he is about to break into tears at any time. One can almost see the
tears held in check, ready to spill at a moment's notice.

His existence centers on guilt. If any of us are caught enjoying our
affluence, capabilities, accomplishments, friendships, loves,
whatever, he is there to remind us of the deprived, the unable, the
unloved. It has nothing to do with so painful emotion as compassion
since he thoroughly enjoys such displays of concern. The MSMETNL would
be disappointed were there no opportunities for such displays.

As to why the deprived should be first in our thoughts, no one has
ever come up with a good answer. However, most people consider the
duty self evident and thus strive to conceal their moments of
enjoyment, lest they fall prey to the malicious reproaches of a
miserable MSMETNL, which constitutes his sole means of satisfaction.

There's also the sneering, leering, cynical, thoroughly disgusting
liberal (SLCTDL). The SLCTDL snears at everything. God, mother, the
flag, the girl next door (They are also KJLs.), etc., all come within
his scorn. Some of the lower, more degenerate life forms scord victims
of terrorism such as Nick Berg who was beheaded.

The SLCTDL never says what's wrong with the targets of his sneers.
He rarely says much of anything, relying mainly on derisive laughter,
moans, groans and various facial expressions.

People endeavor to keep their best moments, their most profound
experiences to themselves lest they get belittled at the hands of a
SLCTDL. Most are unwilling to question the SLCTDL's premise that life
is meaningless and thus confront with terror the prospect of someone
(i.e., a SLCTDL) discovering something within their own personal lives
that is not meaningless.

Oh yes, there's more.

There's the frenzied, panic-strickened, frightened, thoroughly
disheartening liberal (FPSFTDL). He lives for fear. It is only during
moments of terror that he is truly alive. What frightens him most is
the prospect of people living without fear. Thus he constantly tries
to scare the wits out of the rest of us.

Whether it's nuclear war or nuclear power (It's all the same to
him.) or some harmless substance, it's a pretext to stampede the rest
of us toward policies that would never prevail among cooler heads.
Indeed, the FPSFTDL's cherished notions seem calculated to bring about
the very catastrophes feared.

There's more.

There's the more or less pragmatic liberal (MOLPL). He is the one
who can always be heard in a condescending voice saying, "There are no
easy answers to complex problems. Things just don't come in black and
white, but in various shades of gray. One must avoid such simplistic
notions," etc., etc., ad nauseam.

This is a MOLPL trying to evade something obvious like if this
country unilaterally disarms, the risk of war rises; or if criminals
can strike with impunity, crime rises; or if one increases the money
supply, prices rise; or still yet, if the government is hostile to the
private sector, the economy suffers. Back in the '60s, the MOLPLs
tried their approach on the new left. The new lefties told them where
to shove it, and the MOLPLs pretty much did.

Then we have the water pistol revolutionary (WPR). He is not really
a far-left revolutionary type, but tries to come on like one. He went
underground after the collapse of communism, but with the rise of
terrorism, I expect him to reimerge.

During the Cold War, he WPR was the one glorifying revolutions and
their leaders, dropping hints that he is in their company.
Revolutionary types looked good to him -- from a distance. However,
after prolonged contact with real live revolutionaries, the WPR was
observed wondering about in a daze muttering, "They're crazy! They're
demented!" The effects, however, quickly wore off, and soon the WPR
was about his business of glorifying revolutionaries.

Naturally, had a revolution ever started here, the WPR would have
been among the first to seek protection from the established order.

Can't forget to mention the knee jerk liberal (KJL). He's the one
who can be found pursuing various causes as diversity,
multiculturalism, human rights, civil rights, civil liberties, peace,
environmentalism, reform, whatever is "politically correct."

He is attached to the good feelings and vibes elicited by the mere
sounds of the words. The KJL is indifferent to the actual meanings,
implications and ramifications of the concepts involved or whether
they are achieved.

The KJL's conversation consists of standardized phraseology that
comes reeling out whenever triggered by the right combination of
words. He has memorized all the right incantations for every possible
occasion. Nothing is left for improvisation. Otherwise he might be
forced to (Don't slice your wrists now!) think!

Then we have the totally accepting, open-minded, oh so tolerant
liberal (TAOMOSTL). He accepts the world as it is. International
terrorism, increasing drug use, local violence and aggression in
general are regarded as unalterable facts of life, and the TAOMOSTL is
more than a little annoyed when someone gets overindignant in
denouncing them. Such tolerance is apparently self-satisfying for the
TAOMOSTL as it makes him feel so enlightened, so sophisticated, so
superior.

However, such tolerance occasionally gets the TAOMOSTL into trouble.
During the '50s, it was his tolerance of security risks in sensitive
government positions. In the '60s, it was his tolerance of urban and
college riots. It the '70s, it was his tolerance of terrorism that
turned people off, and in the '80s, it was his tolerance of drugs and
violence. In the '90s, his tolerance of urban gang violence has been
disasterous for them. In the 2000s, the TAOMOSTL's tolerant and
indulgent attitude toward state sponsored terrorism will get him into
trouble again.

We are not finished.

There's the lying, two-faced, double-dealing, thoroughly dishonest
liberal (LTFDDTDL). His mendacity goes to the core of his existence.
The LTFDDTDL can lie and feel completely righteous about it. If
caught, he screams in protest to any attacks on his credibility, as if
the concept were completely separate from truth.

He can be found all over the media, struggling to keep the public in
a continual state of confusion. Clarity is the LTFDDTDL's most hated
enemy, to be fought and opposed with whatever it takes.

We have the sleazy, slimey, completely corrupt liberal (SSCCL). This
dirtbag has been caught in various shenanigans: perjury, election
fraud, influence peddling, soliciting foreign campaign contributions,
shaking down local contributors, selling (or is it renting) the
Lincoln Bedroom at the White House and obstruction of justice.

He has escaped widespread outrage for his activities precisely
because his corruption has extended all the way down to his moral
being. Like the LTFDDTDL, he can do all this and feel clean, pure and
good about it. Indeed, the questioning his activities itself is taken
as a sign of meanness, intolerance and ill breeding.

We still have the wimpy, weak-kneed, wishy-washy liberal (WWKWWL).
This guy likes to crawl before anyone with a loud voice and
threatening mannerisms. If there's none around, the WWKWWL will search
the world for one. The fall of Saddam Hussein has struck a blow to his
fellings of well being.

There are plenty to be found: terrorists, dictators, as well as
local punks, hoods and thugs.The WWKWWL could not imagine a full life
without them and is ready to crawl before every one of them.

Now we come upon the most horrid specimen of all: the
MSMETNSLCTDFPSFTDMOLPWPRLTFDDTDSSCCKJTAOMOSTWWKWWL,
the chameleon of the species. Many a victim have been confounded and
rendered helpless by the sudden and unpredictable changes in the
images before them.

Concerning the crime problem, one might think he is confronting a
TAOMOSTL. But in focusing on the fate of the criminal, one suddenly
sees a MSMETNL. When the subject shifts to the plight of the victim,
one suddenly discovers a SLCTDL. In suggesting strong law enforcement,
a WWKWWL suddenly appears. When someone hints that the citizenry be
prepared to defend themselves, one suddenly has a FPSFTDL on one's
hands.

Now I have been asked, what about the phony liberal or hypocritical
liberal. Well, I'm not one to fault a liberal for his hypocrisy.
Rather I consider it his saving virtue. Considering the harm that
would befall us all should his lofty ideals ever be realized in their
undiluted form, one tends to be thankful for his hypocrisies,
inconsistencies, inhibitions, his grudging concessions to pragmatic
considerations.

In other words, the liberal's insanity is mitigated only by his
moral duplicity.

Liberals come in all shapes and sizes, just like people.
Personalitywise, unlike most people, liberals tend to fall into
well-defined categories.

Let's see.

There's the mushy, slushy, misty-eyed, thoroughly nauseating liberal
(MSMETNL). An easily recognizable sort, his facial expression looks as
if he is about to break into tears at any time. One can almost see the
tears held in check, ready to spill at a moment's notice.