| Topic: |
Politics > Politics-USA |
| User: |
"Jerry Mander" |
| Date: |
01 Jun 2005 03:18:26 AM |
| Object: |
Warlocked! |
WARLOCKED
(A supernatural situation tragedy)
[Episode #665: "Nuts & Bolton"]
{Daytime in the living room of a suburban home at 1164 Morning Glory
Circle, where George and Laura Stephens are seated on a couch}
George: "I'll make breakfast this morning, give you a break."
Laura: "I'd rather you didn't. You have powers, I know, but they
don't include kitchen skills. Besides, it's the afternoon already.
What's really up?"
George: "Mother's coming to visit. Daddy might even drop in. And
I think my boss, Cheney Tate, is going to ask me to entertain our
client tonight."
Laura: "Well, at least I don't have to call Aunt Condoleeza to
babysit the twins. Who's the client?"
George: "A man named Bolton. We're making him ambassador to the UN
even though he intimidated subordinates to produce intelligence for
pretense to stir up wars, and disavowed a treaty pushing the world
closer to nukular oblivion."
Laura: "George! I wish you would pronounce 'nuclear' properly -
after all, I have standards as a former librarian! But how can you
sell that nomination to the American public?"
George: "You're forgetting about my powers. Didn't I sell those
canned nuts, with shells? Remember, 'You're FREE to do the
shelling!' That slogan's become an industry classic! And after
all, haven't I got the entire country war-locked?"
{Cartoon opening of the show, George flying a fighter jet to skywrite
the word "Warlocked," pulling back to see the scene is in an
imagination bubble representing the mind of a national guardsman George
is telling what to write in his records. Cut to kitchen, still
cartoon, where an Abu Ghraib Belgian Shepherd attack dog jumps into
George's arms; George then cracks a dozen eggs into a skillet on the
stove, including the shells - a fireball and a thick cloud of black
smoke issues from the stove, but nonetheless, George serves the burned
eggs to troops assembled at a long table, which they enthusiastically
eat, while George walks away chuckling and shaking his head.}
{Back to the living room}
Laura: "Yes, George, it's true. How can there be an end to a war
against terror? I mean, people are always going to be afraid of
*something*."
George: "Right. Well, it's hard to have job security working for
Cheney Tate. I mean look at how Colin Powell was stripped of all his
power - without even having to get the Council involved!"
Laura: "George, it's almost 3 o'clock, on the second Tuesday of
the third month after the conjunction of planets Icarus and Mars!"
George: "Oh, you're right, honey, I'm going to be late!"
[George waves his arms, snaps his fingers, and dematerializes,
rematerializing in his ovular office at the Cheney Tate public
relations agency. Cheney Tate enters.]
Cheney: "Right on time, George, that's not like you. Anyway, we
have to fly to a mist-covered hill in Brocken for an incantation to
swing this Bolton thing; and I just came back from there getting the
spell to confirm Priscilla Owen. So put on your flying suit and come
with me pronto!"
[Both men raise their arms with hand gesticulations, and their dark
business suits magically transform into blood red robes with seeing-eye
symbols on the respective backs, each of which occasionally wink. A
bespectacled secretary enters.]
Secretary: "I thought I saw Mister Tate come in here. Maybe I should
wipe my glasses."
[An invisible George uses the sleeve of his wizard robe to spread blood
on a lens of her glasses. The secretary screams, drops her glasses,
and runs out of the room. The men laugh with echo, inaudibly to
mortals.]
Cheney: "Enough fun! Off to Brocken!"
[Cheney lifts an arm of his robe, encircling himself and George, who
are transported to a foggy hillside, with sound effect and weird music.
They walk towards a bloody stone altar, where a faceless man in a
black robe holding a pitchfork dispenses otherworldly favors to a long
line of petitioners joined by Cheney and George. As each enrobed
supplicant receives their wish they are poked with the pitchfork,
causing blood to drip, while steam issues as unnatural heat cauterizes
the wound, leaving a brand-like scar.]
George: "We're going to have a long wait. There's so many ahead
of us..."
Cheney: "You always forget, George. I have the password to get to
the head of the line. All I have to do is say: 'Mandate.'"
[At that instant they are suddenly standing on the altar, before the
dark figure.]
Dark figure: "I know what you seek. Are you willing to pay the
price?"
Cheney: "Yes, yes! Tell him yes, George."
George: "This wouldn't be going to Social Security would it?"
Cheney: "No, you numbskull. We're asking the devil to help us put
Bolton in a position of power to wreak more havoc, and he wants to know
if you'll get poked by his pitchfork in return!"
George: "Oh! Right. Why hasn't Laura noticed the scars from all
the other times?"
[George rolled back his sleeve, revealing a conglomeration of
healed-over burns.]
Cheney: "Because we're in our astral bodies. When we're back in
the physical plane the scars aren't visible! How many times do I
have to tell you? Just tell him yes!"
George [to the dark figure]: "Yes."
[The men scream as their flesh is seared with the pitchfork held by the
dark figure, blood dripping onto the altar.]
Dark figure: "The aroma is exceptionally foul - it will suffice
until your entire souls are consumed. [incanting:]
Return to your mundane lives,
Where sacrifice makes you free.
Bombs, missiles, guns and knives,
Got Bolton? We shall see!"
Cheney: "What?! That incantation doesn't guarantee Bolton will get
confirmed!"
Dark figure: "You never made that part of the bargain. I told you I
knew what you were seeking, but we never struck a deal on it.
You're getting sloppy, Cheney. And don't forget, there's only
one thing guaranteed after we've started doing business together.
Now be gone! Thanks to you two I'm busier than ever!"
[The dark figure extended a shriveled hand from his robe, and with a
snap of his bony fingers the men were back in George's office,
wearing their business suits. The secretary re-enters.]
Secretary: "Oh, you're both here. Mister Bolton has been waiting
for about half an hour."
[Secretary exits.]
Cheney: "I was going to ask you to entertain him tonight, George, but
if he's not a sure thing..."
George: "Maybe I should test my power. I might have enough to swing
this thing myself."
[George points at a ceramic lamp, focusing his gaze.]
George: "Political Capital!"
[The lamp explodes into shards.]
Cheney: "Impressive - if the UN was a lamp! Just keep Bolton's
records sealed tight, and your fingers crossed!"
[George shrugs and smirks into the camera.]
George: "What rhymes with Bolton? Dang, it's hard writing
poetrically!"
{end credits}
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| User: "steve" |
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| Title: Re: Warlocked! |
01 Jun 2005 04:04:33 AM |
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Jerry Mander wrote:
WARLOCKED
(A supernatural situation tragedy)
[Episode #665: "Nuts & Bolton"]
.............
George: "Maybe I should test my power. I might have enough to swing
this thing myself."
[George points at a ceramic lamp, focusing his gaze.]
George: "Political Capital!"
[The lamp explodes into shards.]
Cheney: "Impressive - if the UN was a lamp! Just keep Bolton's
records sealed tight, and your fingers crossed!"
[George shrugs and smirks into the camera.]
George: "What rhymes with Bolton? Dang, it's hard writing
poetrically!"
{end credits}
Brilliant!
Thanks for that.
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