| Topic: |
Politics > Politics-USA |
| User: |
"Ken [NY]" |
| Date: |
19 Dec 2004 05:24:33 PM |
| Object: |
We're The 'Lose-Lose' People! |
We're The 'Lose-Lose' People!
Ann Coulter
December 15, 2004
Lawyer Mark Geragos should go into business with political consultant
Bob Shrum and defend Sen. Arlen Specter's claim to the chairmanship of
the Senate Judiciary Committee. They should advertise exclusively on
MSNBC. Maybe they could even get Al Gore to endorse them and hire
Howard Dean as their spokesman. Our motto: "A HUMILIATING DEFEAT EVERY
TIME - OR YOUR MONEY BACK!"
Shrum's losing streak obscures the fact that he is also a swine. Among
his charming unifying political campaigns, in 1996, Shrum yanked his
dripping snout from the political donation trough just long enough to
design the commercial against California's Proposition 209 - which
proposed banning racial preferences - that featured Klansman, burning
crosses and David Duke. (Conforming to pattern: Shrum lost,
Californians voted for the Proposition 54-46 percent, and then
liberals tried to get a court to overturn it.)
This year, Shrum racked up his eighth loss in an unblemished 0-8
record of losing Democratic presidential campaigns. He's the
embodiment of the Democratic Party ideal: Screw up, keep getting hired
or promoted. One more loss and his last name officially becomes a
verb, as in "we were ahead by 6 points but we ended up 'shrumming.'"
At least Shrum's client only has to go back to the Senate. Geragos'
client Scott Peterson has been sentenced to death.
This came as no surprise to those who have followed the fate of
Geragos' other hapless clients throughout the years. (Or, to be fair,
the evidence against Peterson.) Among Geragos' clients are:
* Clinton crony Susan McDougal: spent 18 months in federal prison.
In his defense, at least Geragos didn't get Susan McDougal the death
penalty. Any additional damage Geragos could do to McDougal's case was
nullified when Clinton granted her a presidential pardon hours before
he left office. As Susan McDougal assured New York Times columnist
Maureen Dowd in 1997, Clinton would never pardon her: "He's not going
to wake up one day and confer it on me." As to how McDougal knows the
way Bill Clinton behaves when he first wakes up in the morning, I'll
leave that to your imagination.
* Gary Condit: suspected (but never accused!) of involvement in
Chandra Levy's disappearance. Condit was never charged with any crime.
But he hired Geragos to manage a media campaign to defend his
reputation. The next thing Condit knew, he was kissing his 30-year
political career goodbye when he lost to his Democratic primary
opponent by a whopping 18 points. Or as the kids are saying these
days, Condit got "shrummed" by 18 points. The only way Condit could
have lost by a bigger margin would be if Bob Shrum had managed his
campaign.
* Winona Ryder: convicted of grand theft. Instead of having her
throw herself on the state's mercy and beg for a plea bargain, Geragos
took the case to trial, where the jury had to balance a videotape of
Ryder caught in the act of stealing against Geragos' argument that the
store security guards were mean to her. (If there was any more to the
defense's theory, I missed it.) Geragos boasts that he won a sentence
of only community service and probation for Ryder. That might be
something to crow about if the prosecutor had asked for anything more
than ... community service and probation.
* Michael Jackson: fired Geragos almost immediately after hiring
him. Jackson has sterile facial masks that lasted longer than this
guy. I guess he figured, hey, it's no skin off my nose. As we go to
press, Jackson remains a free man.
And now Geragos' client Scott Peterson has been convicted of first-
and second-degree murder in a trial that I believe began sometime in
the '80s - which is good because you can always catch the trial
highlights on VH1's "I Love the '80s."
The only reason to hire Mark Geragos is if the only other attorney
left on Earth is Mickey Sherman, aka the "Mark Geragos of the East
Coast." And that's only if Long Island gunman Colin Ferguson, who
famously represented himself at trial, is not taking new clients.
But even Geragos and Sherman would never sneeringly dismiss evidence
in a murder trial as "circumstantial evidence." Only nonlawyers who
imagine they are learning about law from "Court TV" think
"circumstantial evidence" means "paltry evidence." After leaping for
the channel clicker for six months whenever the name "Scott Peterson"
wafted from the television (on the grounds that in a country of 300
million people, some men will kill their wives), I offer this as my
sole contribution to the endless national discussion.
In a murder case, all evidence of guilt other than eyewitness
testimony is "circumstantial." Inasmuch as most murders do not occur
at Grand Central Terminal during rush hour, it is not an uncommon
occurrence to have murder convictions based entirely on circumstantial
evidence. DNA evidence is "circumstantial evidence." Fingerprints are
"circumstantial evidence." An eyewitness account of the perpetrator
fleeing the scene of a stabbing with a bloody knife is "circumstantial
evidence." Please stop referring to "circumstantial evidence" as if it
doesn't count. There's a name for people who take a dim view of
circumstantial evidence because they don't understand the concept of
circumstantial evidence: They're called "O.J. jurors."
Speaking of O.J., I keep hearing TV commentators say the Scott
Peterson jury was influenced by the O.J. jury. Besides the fact that
the jurors themselves say O.J. never crossed their minds until the
press started asking them questions, the comparison is absurd. Among
the burdens liberals have placed on blacks is the nutty idea that all
blacks are obliged to defend the worst elements of their race.
White people don't feel a need to defend Jeffrey Dahmer or Scott
Peterson. Go ahead, kill him. If we did, the Judgment at Nuremberg
would have ended in a hung jury. In fact, the biggest dilemma we
usually face after a case like Scott Peterson's is, "Lethal injection,
or Old Sparky?"
Cordially,
Ken (NY)
email: http://www.geocities.com/bluesguy68/email.htm
spammers can send mail to
http://www.flowgo.com/funpages/view.cfm/6402
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