From The Progressive, December, 2003 issue:
http://www.progressive.org/dec03/durst1203.html
Off the Map Will Durst
Good day, everyone.
I'm here against my better instincts, primarily to address this minor
misunderstanding that apparently has you all a-twitter.
Now I know you people make your living by twisting facts and
complicating everything, but the deal is, it's very simple really.
Any fourth grader could understand.
Let me explain it again.
Please try and listen closely this time.
When we said, "Mission Accomplished," we didn't actually mean "mission
accomplished," if, in "mission," you assume we meant the act of
subduing Iraq, and "accomplished" would refer to the event being over.
If that's what you thought and that's what you wrote, then you were
mistaken.
Misled.
Not by us.
We would never do that.
By the Navy perhaps.
Or your expectations.
Jumped the gun is what you did.
All we did was imply a mission was over.
This unnamed mission may have had a definite laying off of activity,
or it may not have.
Some things just aren't knowable.
And who of us needs to know every little thing?
You?
Don't make me laugh.
Certainly not us.
The business we are in does not allow room for us to declare someone
else's mission either accomplished or unaccomplished.
You certainly wouldn't want that kind of presumption thrust on your
mission, were it yours.
And be honest, do you really want us to take on that kind of added
responsibility right now?
Haven't we enough on our plate?
And besides, what is "accomplished," anyhow?
Who of you is qualified to determine at what level an event can be
stamped concluded, done, complete?
Surely you see what I'm getting at.
"Accomplished" is such a messy word, seeming to indicate a
predetermined result, and we have repeatedly warned you people, you
musn't anticipate an outcome.
Just a lengthy ongoing.
Folks, either you're helping or you're hindering here, and what I'm
sensing is a whole lot of the latter.
And no, I don't think I will take any follow-up questions, thank you
very much.
We're busy people here, folks, we got an election to win here, I mean
a war to win, that is, a peace to enforce.
I said good day.
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Another Will Durst gem.
Harry
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