| Topic: |
Science > Prophecies-Of-Nostradamus |
| User: |
"sUSAn B Anthony" |
| Date: |
19 Feb 2004 06:45:07 AM |
| Object: |
"Bloody Marys For the Soul" Guide to Raising Christian Daughters |
I found this parody site while on a quest for the "Dirty Dancing" story.
nice pic! ;)
http://www.bettybowers.com/jenna.html
An exclusive excerpt from our First Lady Laura Bush's new book about
raising her daughters Jenna and Barbara:
It is important that children learn to share at an early age. Start with
a fifth of Cuervo Gold.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Don't let your daughters see your husband's mother in daylight until you
have convinced them that her genes are recessive.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Don't leave a child behind. Move to DC and leave BOTH of them behind!
Tell the housekeeper to keep $1,000 (cash) in her purse at all times for
bail. (This will save you from giving your girls your unlisted cell
phone number.)
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
There is absolutely no excuse for a Christian young lady to be caught
drinking liquor in public =96 especially when you consider that
Seagram's 7 looks just like Original Listerine when it is decanted into
a 16 oz. plastic mouthwash bottle!
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Have their father, preferably sober, sit down with your girls and tell
them that it is one thing to have "youthful indiscretions," but they
can't use adolescence as an excuse forever. Indeed, when a teenager gets
to be around 40 or 50 years old, it is probably time to cut back on the
binge drinking and start using those cute little cocaine spoons for
stirring amaretto Coffee-Mate into your decaf.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
If your daughter(s) drink too much, it is probably best to avoid
lecturing when (if) they get back home. After all, it will inevitably
lead to the typical teenage comeback "Well, at least I didn't KILL my
boyfriend while driving drunk like you did Mother!" What mother hasn't
dreaded those very words?
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
During your daughters' all-important years ending high school, try to
spend over 250 nights out of town on the campaign trail talking to local
television morning shows about how important your family is to you.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Learn the difference between words "arrest" and "citation." This simple
information can save you a world of embarrassment when friends or Jim
Lehrer ask you: "So, which one of the twins was arrested last night?"
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Sometimes, children can interfere with your codependent nurturing of a
father who jealously guards his right to be the constant center of
attention. In such situations, a compromise is needed. Start by
completely ignoring your children. After all, before you know it, they
will be off to college (and the dean's headache), but you are stuck with
a needy husband forever!
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Remember: The trick to being a political parent is Plausible
Deniability. Spend as little time with your children as possible. That
way, when you hear about their outrageous antics, your on-camera
reaction will look like something that passes for surprise, which your
staff can later characterize as something that passes for denial.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
If called in for a potentially awkward so-called "urgent"
parent-professor conference, have Carl Rove prepare talking points to
keep the professor off balance. Even if you haven't taught since the
invention of Post-Its -- and speak as if the most eloquent book you ever
read could fit on one =96 respond to every pointed question with a
glazed look and "I'm a teacher, too." If you feel bold, add something
risky like "And I think education is important."
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Children are competitive. If one of them goes to an Ivy League school
and the other can't get into the Waco School of Cosmetology without her
grandfather pulling strings, remind the one not going to Yale: "Honey,
you're a Bush; no one expects you to be bright."
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
I always tell my gals that the press is the opposite of their
father:=A0They know more than they talk about. Don't trust them. But,
darn it, if they haven't learned how to hide their boozing and drug use
by watching Daddy and me, I don't know when they will ever learn!
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
To teach children how to treat the servants, start with the Secret
Service.
While it may seem amusing to lead government agents on a high-speed car
chase through a toll both near New York City or bray obscenities at them
from a bar, such youthful fun can come back to haunt you when you need
them to bail a boyfriend out of jail =96 or simply run out to a
convenience store for rolling paper, Slim Jims and condoms.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Make sure your girls know (before they start "dating") that it is a
Christian lady's duty to approach her man's shortcomings with patience
and forgiveness =96 and his vomit with rubber gloves and Lysol.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Allow children to learn from their own mistakes. For example, encourage
them in the cute idea that their father drank like a dockside sailor for
years without getting a DUI. That way, when they get caught, it will be
such a shock to find out that behavior has consequences, they may quit
"filling up the tank" before driving in only another 10 or 20 years,
too!
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
It is important for children to pretend their parents are happy. There
is no need to burden them with lies about how much you missed them since
they left the nest. For example, never mention missing them in
interviews. Instead, use that airtime to talk about your pets, one of
which you've only had for a month or two. After all, it is easier to
have a pet quietly put down if it makes a mess on camera.
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D
Being the offspring of a rich political dynasty is no excuse for not
sounding like a sharecropper. Remember: no one will resent you for being
one of the most privileged people in America as long as you pronounce it
"Ah-mur-ka." But Jenna, you can overdo the "common touch," dear.
.
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| User: "Leigh_Bee" |
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| Title: Re: "Bloody Marys For the Soul" Guide to Raising Christian Daughters |
19 Feb 2004 03:54:59 PM |
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(sUSAn B Anthony) wrote in message news:<7288-4034AFD3-12@storefull-3211.bay.webtv.net>...
I found this parody site while on a quest for the "Dirty Dancing" story.
nice pic! ;)
http://www.bettybowers.com/jenna.html
An exclusive excerpt from our First Lady Laura Bush's new book about
raising her daughters Jenna and Barbara:
It is important that children learn to share at an early age. Start with
a fifth of Cuervo Gold.
===================
Don't let your daughters see your husband's mother in daylight until you
have convinced them that her genes are recessive.
==================
SNIP.
=============
Being the offspring of a rich political dynasty is no excuse for not
sounding like a sharecropper. Remember: no one will resent you for being
one of the most privileged people in America as long as you pronounce it
"Ah-mur-ka." But Jenna, you can overdo the "common touch," dear.
What is this sUSAn, trying to be the Mother of all sociologists?
Perhaps the lessons of life will straighten them out, the parents are a lost cause.
:}
LB
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| User: "Saint Isidore of Laytonville" |
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| Title: Re: "Bloody Marys For the Soul" Guide to Raising Christian Daughters |
19 Feb 2004 05:38:47 PM |
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<< http://www.bettybowers.com/jenna.html >
Have mercy. I laughed over that site until I
(well never mind) -- let's just say my sweats
are wet and need changing again.
The Psychedelick Pope
Saint Isidore of Laytonville
^Ö^ Patron Saint of the Internet ^Ö^
°°^Ö^ °°
http://apple2.org.za/gswv/me
AOXOMOXOA and ENESSA QUA ONNICA
.
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| User: "sUSAn B Anthony" |
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| Title: Re: "Bloody Marys For theSoul" Guide to Raising Christian Daughters |
20 Feb 2004 10:40:09 PM |
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Saint=A0Isidore=A0of=A0Laytonville wrote:
http://www.bettybowers.com/jenna.html
Have mercy. I laughed over that site until
I (well never mind) -- let's just say my
sweats are wet and need changing
again.
I *too*, thought the site to be hysterical.
And I want you to know that I have no bugs up my @#$#@# about the Bush
family.
Did you see Laura winkin' ? How's Bucky? What does Fef mean? Are the
skunks unscented?
sUSAn
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| User: "Saint Isidore of Laytonville" |
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| Title: Re: "Bloody Marys For the |
21 Feb 2004 10:30:58 AM |
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(sUSAn B Anthony) wrote in a reply -- asking:
<< Did you see Laura winkin' ? How's Bucky? What does Fef mean? Are the
skunks unscented? >>
Yes I saw her wink. Most precious it was.
Bucky is fine. He's out in the backyard
right now taking a giant *****.
Fef is a very fine chemical supply company.
They have some really far out psychedelic
compounds.
See -> http://www.fef-chem.com/sitemap.htm
No the skunks are wild and fully sented.
Is it Saturday yet?
Are we having fun?
When you encounter a fit
of excitation use the Peace
and Calming oil from Young Living.
It will mellow you out promptly and
you'll swoon in bliss.
Always remember if they tell you it's
proper booya -- it's probably just rock
salt.
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