5-26-7
SEATTLE -- God declared today he is fed up with the evilness of humans and
will destroy the species soon.
"I'll smite all of humankind soon!" God bellowed from the Heavens at 12:45
pm PDT. God's thundering voice was heard all over the world
simultaneously. Some witnesses reported feeling the ground tremble, dark
clouds suddenly rolling up from the horizon, and large lightning flashes.
"I'm destroying everyone in this evil species," God continued, "and the
first to go will be George W. Bush and Richard Cheney. Your misbehaviour
will no longer be tolerated. I made a mistake long ago and now I am
correcting it."
God said the remainder of the species -- over 6 billion -- will be
vaporized immediately following those two leaders' demise. God did not say
how the human race will be destroyed, but a biblical scholar speculated
the divine being might cause the Sun to supernovae, frying all life on
earth.
"I'm sending all of you to an eternal Hell for Lucifer to deal with," God
added. "I almost feel sorry for him, but he and all of you deserve each
other."
There were widespread accounts of commuters stopping in heavy city traffic
and exiting their vehicles, looking upward, seemingly perplexed. Other
reports were of pedestrians kneeling on sidewalks, praying fervently, and
crying.
One homeless Seattle man, shaking his fist at the sky, reportedly yelled
back at God: "Come and get me, Jehovah! I'm really evil, life's a f-----g
*****, and I don't give a s---t anymore!"
http://www.apbreaking.com/godtalks585002.html
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