On Wed, 28 Jan 2004 17:53:55 +0000 (UTC), Garry Bryan
<garry@soco.agilent.com> wrote:

Subject: MARTIAN AIR FORCE MEMO


MARTIAN AIR FORCE DENIES UFO CRASH

Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Martian Air Force denounced as
false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of
Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless
high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".

The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with
a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down
in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop,
and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases." Minutes later,
General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to
contradict the earlier report.

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant
fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general
public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent
events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the
crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements
as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," pointing out that Mars
has no swamps. They point to the release of secret government memos
detailing attempts to discredit reports of the landings by alien space
craft. The memos discuss strategies to avoid troubles similar to those
caused by the War of the Worlds broadcast program of years ago. The
program, which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing
two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet-wide panic.

Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged
landings, are even more skeptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes"
claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my
adult form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately they
come in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the truth
but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to invade and
the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on press releases
and denials instead of preparing for the battle to come."

A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the disappearance of
Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after the interview, claiming
"Any sentient being knows that a planet with the concentrations of water
and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and inhospitable environment for
the formation of life, much less intelligent life. The fear and
consternation caused by the unfounded and wild speculations of citizens
like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the citizens of Mars.

HAHAHA. This is great! LOL!