Sean Monaghan wrote:
Friendly Neighbourhood Vote Wrangler wrote:
The time has come to announce the winners of the August 2005 Usenet
Kook Awards.
*ahem*
KOOK OF THE MONTH
The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
Gerald Newton . . . . 15
Warhol . . . . . . . 9
Brad Guth . . . . . . 8
none of the above . . 0
Congratulations, G-dolf! Another overwhelming victory for the Usenet
Gangs that live inside your head.
A formidable challenger to Steve "BowTie" Young for Rookie Kook of the
Year, G-Dolf should prove to be.
Yes, he should, especially if he continues with his alternating pattern
of defiant challenges and admissions of defeat.
CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 17
alt.astronomy saucerheads . . . . 9
MCP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . . 0
Congratulations, Psylvia! MY RESPONSE: HAVE YOU "WORKED" OUT THAT I'M
NOT CHADWICK "STONE" YET? - FNVW, USENET GANG "MEMBER".
PSYLVIA is the quintessential clooless noob!
Heh, one of my nominations based on a KKI went through. And she
thinkks she's going to testify in front of Congress as some kind of
"expert". BWAHAHAHAHA!
COWARD OF THE MONTH
The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . 15
Mark Ferguson . . . . . . . . . . 10
Donald L Ferrt, alias aozotorp . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . . 1
Congratulations, Geraldine! All your sockpuppets are cowards too.
....including his (boring) "Gang Crap" PSYLVIA impersonations. Yeah -
that was him; proof will be provided in the next update of the G-dolf
FAQ.
So, does he have any competition for this month's Order of the Holey
Sockpuppet?
GOLDEN KILLFILE
The winners are... ALT.FLAME.NIGGERS!
alt.flame.niggers . . 16
Mark Ferguson . . . . 7
Uni . . . . . . . . . 4
William J Wolfe . . . 3
none of the above . . 2
Congratulations, nutless nazis! Now get back to soc.men where you
belong.
Google has removed a priceless channel of cultural education from their
[inceasingly incomplete] archives. Rilly.
Into the Galactic Killfile for AFN! Google and the FNVW hace spoken!
VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
The winners are... the KANSAS BOARD OF EDUCATION!
Kansas Board of Education . . 16
Ian of soc.men . . . . . . . 9
neither of the above . . . . 3
Congratulations, hillbillies! Tell me, what drugs was the Intelligent
Designer taking when he designed you?
Let's pray for a Yellow Brick Road to lead Kansan children back to
Kansas.
How about leading them back to reality?
GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 22
Moris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
neither of the above . . . . . . . 2
Congratulations, Psylvia! How's the campaign to rid Usenet of posters
you disagree with going?
Charge!!!1!
I'm just waiting for her to declare victory so I can nominate her for a
Custer award.
BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
The winners are... SOC.MEN!
The Revd . . . . . . . . 6
soc.men . . . . . . . . 25
neither of the above . . 4
Congratulations, limpwrists! Have you finished fighting over who'll be
moderator of your boys-only tree-fort yet?
They're afraid to admit THBT.
They're in denial.
BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
The winners are... MICHAEL SNYDER & SOC.MEN!
Yes . . 27
No . . 1
Congratulations to the dumbest group on Usenet, and especially to the
dumbest wannabe moderator!
Hey, Skirvin! Who the hell are you and why the ***** would we want you
to be our moderator? I already own the socmen.org domain name; it
makes perfect sense that *I* should be the moderator. Free socmen
e-mail addies to anyone who votes for me!
LOL!
GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
The winner is... BRAD GUTH!
Brad Guth . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Lightwing, alias his_elect . . . 11
Casper of alt.alien.research . . 3
none of the above . . . . . . . 1
Congratulations, Bradless Jr! Don't forget to reply to this with one
of your incomprehensible borg-rants.
Brad's month for KotM will come; eventually.
Yes, when he runs against a k00k who doesn't go charging after the
kookologists and offers combat. That happened to him twice now. Let's
see if his luck will hold out a third time.
(sci.space.history added so Guthball can see that he didn't win KotM,
but did win an award for linguistic creativity, and
alt.prophecies.nostradamus added so that Lightwing can see that s/h/it
didn't win anything...this month.)
JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
The winner is... MARK FERGUSON!
Mark Ferguson . . . . . 16
Michael Snyder . . . . . 9
neither of the above . . 2
Congratulations, Fergie! We'll push the award under your bed, where
you seem to be hiding.
Some 'owner' of AUK - running away like he did.
It would be fine with me if he stayed away. There are better kooks to
poke.
SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
The winner is... JASON PLAWNER, alias jjayboyd!
Yes . . 13
No . . 4
Congratulations, ggayboyd! Your prowess in Kooky Kombat is amazing - I
don't think I've ever seen anybody run away so fast.
Kudos to Pinku-Bruce for bringing out this promising net.kook.
You're quite welcome! I'm glad he's being appreciated where he's
on-topic.
(rec.arts.marching.drumcorps added so Foamboi Jr. can see that he's the
first reader of RAMD to earn a Kook award.)
TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
The winner is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!
Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . . . . . 22
Russell B Waters, alias The One True Rusty . . 7
neither of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Community theatre at the library can make for some fine entertainment!
Congratulations, chucknozzle! For somebody who's never posted to
Usenet, it's amazing how often you've announced that you're leaving
for ever. And congratulations on your 83rd birthday yesterday. Many
lonely, miserable, minimum-waged returns!
And he came back for more.
BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG WHISTLE
The winners are... SYLVIA SULLIVAN, and her owner... CHADWICK STONE!
Sylvia Sullivan, trained by Chadwick Stone . . 15
Tom Bishop, trained by Michael Cook . . . . . 7
Mark Ferguson, trained by Gary L. Burnore . . 6
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Congratulations, PSYLVIA! Mr Stone has conclusively proved that a gang
isn't needed to control a kook if one has a good collar and leash.
....AND CONGRATS TO CHAD - OFFICIAL ACA OWNER, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE
GROUPS!
This I have to see.
BUSTED URINAL AWARD
The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!
Gerald Newton . . . . 11
Mark Ferguson . . . . 10
The Revd . . . . . . 9
Rudolf X . . . . . . 2
none of the above . . 0
Congratulations, f0rgerboi! If you want to know how lame you are, just
consider the lameness of the candidates you defeated!
Too bad only one of the women from soc.culture.israel voted for the
Revd, and that in response to an altered ballot. If they had both
voted in response to an unaltered ballot, the Revd would have tied
Gerald.
Gerald "BowTie Junior" Newton adds a new dimension to net.lameness.
And he continues to do so.
TAR & FEATHERS
The winner is... KENNETH R PANGBORN!
Yes . . 29
No . . 1
Congratulations, KennyKakes! Such perpetual cluelessness is rarely
seen. Still, at least you've learned not to fight with bots. Oh
wait...
Shh. Don't clue him in. It's entertaining.
....and how he kept insisting that SMM was a plot to change the
moderation status of soc.men to MODERATED, no matter how many times it
was explained to him that this was not an option under Big8 rules.
Yes, I am impressed with what a clueproof idiot Kenny Kakes is.
UNABOMBER SURPRISE
The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
Yes . . 28
No . . 1
Congratulations, Psylvia! How many lines of PSCREED will you post in
your acceptance PSPEECH? 100? 500? More?
She's been very quiet throughout BowTie Junior's extended meltdown;
rumour has it that she is preparing to address the US Congress. <g>
That may be one of the smarter things she's done--stay quiet, that is.
Testifying before Congress, should it happen, will not be a clever move
on her part.
72 RAISINS CRACKPOT RELIGION AWARD
The result is... A TIE!
Jologicon . . . . . . . 13
Warhol . . . . . . . . . 13
neither of the above . . 2
Congratulations, God! And you too, God! We've provided an escort for
your triumphal entry into Valhalla. What's that?... Yes, the men in
the escort *are* wearing white coats, aren't they?
I'd expected Warhol to run away with this award, actually.
Heh. This was the second time I nominated Jologicon. He's had more
exposure, so he had an advantage.
OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!
Sylvia Sullivan, alias corinne . . 15
Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . 14
Congratulations, Psylvia! You may be a dismal failure in politics,
but at least you won the All-Alaska Whining Contest.
PSYLVIA IS RE-ELECTED!!!1!!!!!
Hey, that's something to behold!
OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
The result is... A TIE!
Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . 15
Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . . . 15
Congratulations, boys! Apparently you really are as stupid as each
other, but I think I'll let you fight it out again on next month's
ballot just to make sure.
GO KENNY KAKES! GO CHUCKLES! WHO CAN BETTER MAKE LIKE A TREE FOR THE
REST OF THE MONTH?
Shall I walk the dog and let him decide who makes the better tree?
SAEED AL-SAHHAF MEMORIAL OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
The winner is... ALEXA CAMERON!
Alexa Cameron, alias Live From Fascist Amerika . . 17
Brad Guth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Mark Ferguson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Congratulations, Alexa! Has it never occurred to you that the
information the ay-lee-yuns give you to share with us might be lies?
Has it ever occurred to her that, if she ever told the truth, no one
would believe her?
Part of me has always felt that the lies were coming from Alexa, but
she's still a spectacular net.kook.
And the strange thing is that she can be lucid and civil--for a few
poasts at a time.
MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
The winners are... SOC.MEN!
soc.men . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Will Dockery, Chuck Lysaght & Rusty Waters . . 12
Congratulations, Fr00ts! I'm glad to see that the fight over who
would be top fr00t in SMM proved to be just a lovers' tiff.
TEH FROOTS ARE RE-ELECTED!!!1!!!!!
Who are the F'Loons again?
PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
The winner is... SEAN MONAGHAN & SOC.MEN.MODERATED!
Sean Monaghan & soc.men.moderated . . 15
Great job, Sean. Truly masterful!
Daedalus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Jade is no less a winner; she is covered under "& soc.men.moderated',
and it was her fine torllin' of the froots that inspired the SMM troll.
Her final spank & Offical Apology were outstanding! Yay Jade!
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Fred has brought lotsa laughs into AUK. That said - I think KM
deserves to win PSM-HL&S under his own ID.
Yes. I'll make a point of nominating him, and not his creation.
[and thanks to KM for supplying most of the images for the AFA-B FAQ]
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . 1
Congratulations to Sean (the first person to win this award three
times in twelve months) and to everybody else who made this
outstandingly hilarious troll possible.
It was lots of fun. Even the froots did they were supposed to do - be
themselves.
HAMMER OF THOR
The winners are... SEAN MONAGHAN!
Yes . . 27
No . . 2
I am honoured, humbled, and speechless. I thank you all.
No, thank you for your creative LARTing!
... and DAEDALUS!
Yes . . 26
No . . 2
YAY, Jade!
...and SHARON B!
Yes . . 24
No . . 4
Congrats!
...and FRED HALL!
Yes . . 24
No . . 3
Very distinguished body of work!
Congratulations to four exceptionally learned professors of the
science of Kookology!
Congratulations to the other three Hammer winners. To have my name
appear with yours on teh mighty Hammer lits is a great honour!!!!
--
Pinku-Sensei AKA Stinku Bruce
Official Overseer of Kooks in rec.arts.marching.drumcorps
.
