http://www.sabrizain.org/iraq/nmt/
US launches lunar probe in search for WMDs
A joint project between NASA and the Iraq Survey Group, the US team
searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, will soon be
sending a lunar lander to the surface of the moon to search for those
elusive WMDs.
According to ISG head David Kay, despite over US$800 million spent by
the ISG so far, its nationwide search of Iraq has so far only
recovered 50 dinars left behind Saddam Hussein's couch and a red sock
Kay had left in a Baghdad laundrette three months after the US
invasion. "Unfortunately, no nuclear, biological or chemical weapons
were recovered , though we did find an 8-month old piece of stale goat
cheese in the back of the refrigerator of a Basra camel dealer. We are
also analysing a highly suspicious bottle of duck toilet cleaner left
in a kebab store in Sammara."
However, Kay remains undeterred. "Who is to say Saddam didn't just
dump it all in a rocket and blast them off to the moon? We have the
evidence."
Pictures released by ISG revealed strange craters on the moon's
surface, "probably the result of nuclear tests conducted by the Iraq
military," Kay alleges. According to Kay, the lunar images were
obtained from the Milwaukee High School Amateur Astronomy Society as
the US military's high-definition satellite imagery equipment in its
spy satellites were pointing the wrong way.
Kay added that intelligence reports from CIA informants have revealed
that the moon "surprisingly" appears to be almost completely devoid of
human inhabitants. "No doubt they had all been exterminated by
Saddam's gruesome testing of his evil chemical and biological
weapons."
"Conclusive evidence, however, came from the Iraqis themselves. They
flatly denied having any weapons of mass destruction at all on the
moon. That sure is proof to me that they have."
The lunar lander - dubbed 'Blixen' - will be manned by a team of the
nation's best WMD detection experts, consisting of two
neo-conservative Republican Senators, a FOX News newsreader, three
Whie House spokesman, a senior Haliburton board member and the
features editor of National Enquirer.
Blixen will begin its scientific voyage of discovery by first
carpet-bombing the surface of the moon with Tomahawk missiles. On
landing, it will establish a Washington-appointed Lunar Governing
Council, seize all known oil assets, flatten any lunar towns opposed
to the occupation and then start the search for WMDs.
NASA scientists were upbeat about the success of the mission. "We are
confident that that finding WMDs on the moon will have an even 50-50
chance with finding life there," a NASA statement said.
A spokesman from the UN Monitoring, Verification, and Inspection
Commission UNMOVIC said that "the mission is, using the technical
term, dumb."
In the unlikely event that the lunar search proves unsuccessful,
Congress has already approved a US$3 billion budget for a similar WMD
inspection of the Klingon Empire.
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